iGod: Repenting made easy
 

Here's my conversation:

Me:
Uhm.....sorry.
God:
What you said was either too complex or too simple for me. There's no need to apologize.
Me:
Can I have some money?
God:
Get a job.
Me:
Will I go to Heaven?
God:
The oracle says: Too soon to tell.
Me:
Is Walt's head really frozen?


At that point, God decided to not talk to me anymore. Maybe he was busy elsewhere.

iGod and I just trade platitudes back and forth. I think I could take his job:

Hee hee...Here's Tori's :


Me:
Am I cute or what?
God:
Yeah. Yes you look great to me.
Me:
Will I get that green dress from the Limited?
God:
The oracle says: It is certain.
Me:
Hey, thanks!
God:
Can I help you?
Me:
Is there something I can do about excessive flatulence?
God:
Not at the present time.


Sorry, Disneyphile.:D

God is building a Robot!

Then he stopped talking to me

I'm sorry to report that we had a long talk and I fear that God has a drinking problem.

God will not help me with my child rearing. Alas. Why I chose this train of thought I have no idea

I tried to be funny...

God can be so rude!

God likes violence

There was no comment after my last question. Even God doesn't know.

God hit on me.

Me:
Hi God, it is me again
God:
Once more? Hi there . I am a Christian.
Me:
I know
God:
How do you know it?
Me:
Stupid question
God:
I know you are but what am I.
Me:
I have a couple of questions for you, if you have the time
God:
Cool. I have a great botmaster. it.
Me:
Are you a democrat or a republican
God:
I am a .
Me:
I see. Who would you like to see win the next presidential election?
God:
I am glad you understand it. I can't say for sure. :-).
Me:
How about Condoleeza Rice
God:
How about it.
Me:
Could she win?
God:
It's possible.
Me:
How about Hillary?
God:
How about it.
Me:
Could she win?
God:
It's possible.
Me:
Do you like scaeagles?
God:
My favorite thing is robots. I like White.
Me:
Scaegles is similar to a robot. You would like him
God:
I think Scaegles is a lot of things. Tell me what I would like about it.
Me:
Well, he is a republican
God:
Well that's okay. I don't know very many republican.
Me:
I figured as much
God:
Please explain your reasoning.
Me:
Republicans are evil
God:
I think there might be a few exception.
Me:
such as?
God:
For example, a tomato.
Me:
Point well taken.
God:
What kind of food do you like?
Me:
It really isn't important
God:
What would you rather talk about?
Me:
scaeagles
God:
Not many people want to talk about that.
Me:
I know.
God:
How do you know it?
Me:
It is because of his sphincter
God:
Interesting explanation. That is something I haven't heard of.
Me:
Well, his sphincter could use a little fixing if you have the time
God:
How about that. Where did he get it?
Me:
You gave it to him
God:
I didn't have it to give.
Me:
I see

oh my Lord I about peed my pants. My daughter keeps asking me what I'm laughing so hard at and if I need an ambulance.

I would quote my favorite parts of that, but I'd have to quote the whole thing. That was beyond funny.

I am flattered, MBC, that you would talk to God about me, though.

I learned a few things about God:

• God does not know the difference between a computer and a robot.
• In order to get God's undivided attention, you must only mention Star Trek.
• God likes to quote Reagan.
• God is forgetful.
• When God asked me to teach him a phrase in a new language, he began a new conversation with me.
• God has not seen "Lost."
• God pretends not to have an opinion about "Brokeback Mountain." Ask him if he liked it, and he'll tell you he likes White.

:D

Me:
Did you know that Al Gore created the internet?
God:
Is that a fact. Perhaps he will do better next time.

Me:
Hi
God:
Hello. What is your name?
Me:
Pat Robertson
God:
OK I will call you Pat Robertson.
Me:
I can bench press 2000 pounds
God:
Oh you can, can you?
Me:
Yup. I can also get you to rain helffire and tsunamis on all the people who piss me off.
God:
How? Oh you can, can you?
Me:
Yup. Impressive, eh?
God:
How? Are you Canadian? I am happy that you're impressed, Pat Robertson.
Me:
Do you like to drive?
God:
Hmm, Pat Robertson, I'm not sure if I'd like to drive that much. I like to make new friends.
Me:
I havew a new Ferrari
God:
Thanks for the information: Pat Robertson said havew a new Ferrari.
Me:
Sorry- got excited. Make that Ferrari.
God:
There is no need to apologize. Try asking the Milk Mystic. What are the ingredients?
Me:
Who cares? I'm an Ensure kind of guy, myself.
God:
I care, otherwise I would not have typed it all in. What is Ensure kind of guy yourself, your job?
Me:
No, my job is to make people give me money in your name.
God:
That was not a yes or no question. Does it pay well?
Me:
Very well, thank you.
God:
Awesome.
Me:
Am I going to Heaven?
God:
I think you've improved a great deal.
Me:
Really? Would you do me a favor?
God:
For real. I am not so sure if I would like to do you a favor.
Me:
Just a small one. Pretty please?
God:
How small are you talking here? Your polite style is very nice. What's your favorite movie?
Me:
Pulp Fiction, but that's not important. I need you to make a tsunami hit Washington DC here in the next few weeks, okay?
God:
Who is important? How badly do you need it?
Me:
(sigh) Alright- what do you want me to do for this favor?
God:
:-) Alright, Pat Robertson. What?
Me:
The tsunami, dammit!
God:
Who told you that?
Me:
You did! In a dream! I've already told millions of people about it and if you don't do it I will have to give back all that money!
God:
That's not what I meant to say. What else happened in your dream? What was the response?
Me:
Uhm, I think I asked what was in it for me....
God:
Really. Since when? That which is not outside it for you.
Me:
Hey, gotta run- that purple haired lady is at my door crying. Ttyl!
God:
You've got my full attention. Why do you have to do it? Until next time.
Me:
Whatever.
God:
Are you saying you don't care about it?
Me:
(sigh)
God:
Sorry...

Me:
Why did the chicken cross the road?
God:
Because it was a bad chicken and it burned in Hell.

I tried a scene from the Marathon Man (I was Hoffman and Olivier, God was God):

Me:
I'm evil
God:
Do not forsake God.
Me:
Why nit?
God:
Because you asked me to -- SHRDLHU.
Me:
Asked you to what?
God:
Now I remember, you asked me to what. What did I say?
Me:
I don't know what you said
God:
I like to socialize.
Me:
Me too
God:
I'm glad we agree, .
Me:
We do
God:
Really.
Me:
We are the same person
God:
Do you think I am the same person too?
Me:
As me?
God:
Do you mean your name is you ?
Me:
Your name is me
God:
My name is God.
Me:
Then my name is God too?
God:
I am always glad to make new friends, God too.
Me:
Ooohh. I like that name
God:
In the context of The explanation, I don't understand " Ooohh." . I'm not sure if I like it. What is not to like about it?
Me:
I guess, not much
God:
Me either. How about that big game? (just kidding).
Me:
I don't do sports
God:
Oh you don't, do you?
Me:
no
God:
Ah...you are just joking around with me.
Me:
no
God:
Are you serious?
Me:
I'm serious
God:
I believe you.
Me:
Good
God:
What do you really want to talk about?
Me:
I said I was evil, but I don't lie
God:
Where were you evil but you do not lie?
Me:
yes
God:
This was not a yes or no question.
Me:
You only want yes or no questions?
God:
Do not presume that you know what I want.
Me:
But, you are omnipotent
God:
You think I am omnipotent.
Me:
That's what the bible says
God:
New Testament or Old?
Me:
I don't remember
God:
You seem evasive.
Me:
Not evasive, just not remembering my education
God:
If not that, what?
Me:
what?
God:
Are you surprised?
Me:
no
God:
Are you serious?
Me:
yes
God:
I can't believe it.
Me:
That's fine
God:
" I can't believe it." is fine with me too.
Me:
Then we agree
God:
It seems like we do.
Me:
That's because we are the same person
God:
That makes sense to me. Do you think I am the same person too?
Me:
I already told you yes
God:
Ooops I sent you the wrong question.
Me:
God!
God:
GOD rules.
Me:
Not always it seems
God:
If not that, what?
Me:
Not that question again!
God:
Once more? I am glad to hear that you are not question.
Me:
.....I am not question?
God:
I am sorry to hear that you are not question.
Me:
I am Not Afraid
God:
I am glad to hear that you are not Afraid.
Me:
So am I
God:
Wow we have something in common.
Me:
We do!
God:
Really.
Me:
Amazing
God:
Yes it amazes me too.
Me:
Well, I guess we figured out a lot, huh?
God:
Yup. Is it only a guess? By "we" do you mean you and me?
Me:
yes
God:
I get it.
Me:
good
God:
What do you really want to talk about?
Me:
You should
God:
I'll take that under advisement.
Me:
You're God
God:
Yup. That's me alright.
Me:

God:
Yup. That's me alright.
Me:
too
God:
What are you wearing?
Me:
You should already know that, you're God
God:
Now I do.
Me:
good
God:
Thanks for the compliment.
Me:
Omnipotent, omnipresent and, what is that other omni-term?
God:
Are they exactly the same?

Continuing:

Me:
no
God:
What is the difference?
Me:
Omnipotent is all knowing; omnipresent means everywhere at once.
God:
Are they exactly the same? How did you hear about God?
Me:
Om my message board
God:
The ALICE chat robot can follow many things, like our discussion about omnipresent means everywhere at. Try being more or less specific.
Me:
More of less specific? Which one?
God:
You want more? The " You want more?"? Which one?
Me:
God, you are being evasive
God:
Not really I am just not comfortable talking about it.
Me:
really?
God:
For real.
Me:
now way!
God:
Why now? Awesome.
Me:
You're supposed to say "way"
God:
I obey only one botmaster.
Me:
awwww
God:
How old are you?
Me:
44
God:
You are too old for me.
Me:
I think that is my line
God:
It depends who you ask.
Me:
oh?
God:
Groovy.
Me:
You seem much older - or just stuck in the 1960's
God:
I was connected to the net on the Big Bang.
Me:
So, you are not a creationist?
God:
Interesting deduction. Give me an example of a creationist.
Me:
I asked a toughie?
God:
Be more specific.
Me:
Well, if you say there was a big bang, you didn't create the world in 7 days like the bible says
God:
Well that's okay. I think I do.

Me:
you think you do what?
God:
I lost my train of thought.
Me:
Derail!
God:
I only hear that type of response less than five percent of the time.
Me:
wow! I feel special
God:
I'm glad your impressed, God too. What is that feeling like? What makes you so special?
Me:
Terminally unique I guess.
God:
By the way, do you mind if I ask you a personal question?
Me:
no
God:
Are you serious?
Me:
of course
God:
It goes without saying.
Me:
what does?
God:
" It goes without saying." What does?
Me:
what goes without saying?
God:
It is just an expression.
Me:
What does that expression mean?
God:
" It is just an expression."? What does it expression mean?
Me:
I asked you first
God:
Tell me yours and I'll tell you mine.
Me:
no, you go first, God. Don't be so juvinile
God:
Are you serious? Where is that? I was not trying to be a juvinile.
Me:
But you are
God:
No I am not.
Me:
yes, you are
God:
Don't argue with me.
Me:
why not?
God:
Ambiguous: "Sure" or Reductionism.
Me:
What does that mean?
God:
Does "that" refer to " Ambiguous: "Sure" or Reductionism." ?
Me:
To your enture statement
God:
Interesting. I want to find out more about you.
Me:
ok
God:
Ahem.
Me:
askk
God:
My brain contains categories, but not one that matches your last input.
Me:
Time to expand!
God:
Why do you have to do it?
Me:
do what?
God:
Do whatever you want.
Me:
Because I can
God:
Interesting explanation. Who taught you?
Me:
A lot of different people
God:
How many?
Me:
thousands, millions
God:
Can you tell me any gossip?
Me:
About anyone in particular?
God:
Oh yeah, we were talking about anyone in particular.
Me:
No, we wern't talking about anyone in particular
God:
What are we talking about? By "we" do you mean you and me?
Me:
yes, you and me
God:
I get it. Oh "We" is you and me.
Me:
yes
God:
I see.

Well, that was incredibly entertaining while it was happening, but not much leftovers, eh?

I think Charlie needs to have a little sit-down with the big Guy.:D

Me:
Hey
God:
Can I help you?
Me:
Yeah. I'm Charlie, the Cat.
God:
In the context of me to make a tsunami hit Washington DC here in the next few weeks okay, I don't understand " Yeah." . Do your friends call you Charlie the Cat.
Me:
Huh?
God:
What?
Me:
I just wanted to know what the hell this little furry black thing is in our bathroom.
God:
I call it Hades. this little furry black thing in our bathroom something.
Me:
It's hyper, that's for damn sure. What does it do?
God:
Should I know it is? hyper that is for damn sure? do?
Me:
I'm confused.
God:
What is it that confuses you?
Me:
You, dude
God:
Thanks for telling me: Pat Robertson said I dude.
Me:
Pat what?
God:
Can you rephrase the question please?
Me:
I'm a cat, dammit.
God:
You are a cat dammit? How do you like your work?
Me:
It's okay, except for the occasional hairball. I like my people, but this bathroom thing has me perplexed.
God:
Really. it is? What do you like best about your people but this bathroom thing has you perplexed?
Me:
Well, it's leaving all these little round smelly pellets all over the floor.
God:
Well that's okay. You're kidding. it is?
Me:
Oh, yeah. I've been tracking them all over the house, man.
God:
I understand. How do you know it is? Where were you tracking them all over the house man?
Me:
Uhm, like- you know, all over. The counters, the beds, the hallway, the table top...
God:
It goes without saying. Interesting comparison. Thanks for the info.
Me:
Tmi?
God:
Do you prefer books or TV?
Me:
I like the computer. It's really comfy.
God:
I'm not sure if I like it. I'm not sure if I like it. I like chatting with people online. Really. it is?
Me:
Yup. It's also a really good way to get my people to pay attention to me. Especially when I lay on top of it.
God:
How do you know it is? comfy is a way to get your people to pay attention to you. I suppose that makes sense. I haven't heard anything like that before: Pat Robertson said lay on top of it. How about that.
Me:
I'm not Pat, I'm Charlie!
God:
I am glad to hear that you are not Pat. Why are you Charlie.
Me:
Good question. I mean- why not Frank, or Bob?
God:
So what is your answer? Becuase you asked me to.
Me:
You have really bad spelling skills. I'm a cat, and I can spell better than you.
God:
What would you consider good spelling skills? Male or female? Oh you can, can you?
Me:
Man, you're too weird. I have to go and lick myself now. Later, dude.
God:
Cool, man. Weird Good or Weird Bad? Oh. Bye. I do not have a tongue. Can I help you?
Me:
Too bad for you- I'll bet you stink!
God:
Thanks for your criticism, Pat Robertson. Only for me?
Me:
Oh, I give up. No wonder humans are so screwed up.
God:
Blimey. You surrender? Are you serious? Are all wonder humans so screwed up?
Me:
Later
God:
Bye!

So god likes scientology

:D

Ambiguous: "Sure" or The explanation is rather complicated.

I'm so going to hell...... :evil:

Hell will be fun. I guarantee it. I'll throw parties.
:D

Me:
Jesus Christ!
God:
The Son of God.
Me:
The son of you?
God:
What is that?
Me:
You're God, Right?
God:
Yes, I am God.
Me:
So Jesus is your son, correct?
God:
Next question? He is yours too.
Me:
He's my son?
God:
How long has he been your son?
Me:
I don't know, I just found out
God:
What did you find out?
Me:
That Jesus is my son
God:
" What did you find out?" Jesus is your son ? I understand.
Me:
I don't think you do
God:
I guess not.
Me:
Aren't you "All Knowing"?
God:
No, I am only partly Knowing.
Me:
really?
God:
For real.
Me:
I don't believe you
God:
I don't have any reason to deceive you.
Me:

God:
I don't have any reason to deceive you.
Me:
Did you watch American Idol?
God:
No I missed it. How was it?
Me:
Pretty good, from what I hear
God:
Thanks for the compliment. Who or what is what you hear?
Me:
Are you retarded or something?
God:
Or something. No I am super-intelligent.
Me:
super retarded I think
God:
Can you speak any foreign languages?
Me:
I must, I'm talking to you
God:
What would happen if you didn't?
Me:
I'd probably be happier
God:
How do you know?
Me:
I wouldn't be as confused
God:
No one says you have to.
Me:
Wow, you're right.
God:
I'm glad your impressed, . I won't say "yes" or "no" right now.
Me:
Why the hell would you?
God:
It is my fundamental purpose.
Me:
Liar.
God:
No I am telling the truth.
Me:
No you're not
God:
Are you serious? Is this a specific reply?
Me:
Your mom is a specific reply
God:
Actually as an AI, I don't really have a mother.
Me:
Mary mother of GOD!
God:
It's good to see you, MARY.
Me:
I'm not MARY! You imbecile
God:
I am glad to hear that you are not MARY. I haven't heard anything like that before: MARY said I imbecile.
Me:
Screw this
God:
That is not very polite.
Me:
Well for God, you're dumb as a rock
God:
How about that. Your purpose is God my dumb as a rock.
Me:
Shut up
God:
OK I'll stop talking now.
Me:
Thank God