Dear Man at the Bus Stop
 

Hello, MatBS. My name is Audra and just ten minutes ago we briefly set eyes on each other as I was stuffing a boatload of mail into the corner mailbox. At first I didn’t notice you were there. I was mindful of my task, opening the mailbox as carefully as possible with one hand while trying to drop some letters in at the same time. The mail was bulky and it’s hard to stuff and keep the door open at the same time. Some mail dropped on the floor and I bent to pick it up. That’s when I noticed you watching me. And smiling.

Laughing at my clumsiness were you?

I’d laugh at someone in my position, as well, but I’d also, with haste, offer my assistance. “Hey, that looks difficult. Let me open the door for you while you drop the mail in.”

But not you, you f**ker. You just kept smiling in my direction. I met you with a scowl, which isn’t nearly as intimidating as I’d like it to be. Some people scowl with the full force of a kick to the groin. In lieu of the scowl, I’d would have liked to have actually kicked you in the groin, but my hands were full and I had a job to do. Plus, I've got a weakling girlie kick. I was crap even at kickball. Soccer? Forget about it. I might as well have been lame.

I continued to stuff. More mail dropped. I had to bang the door shut in order to push the mail further into the box so that more could fit more inside. I heard you chuckle. If I had a laser gun, mister, I would have burnt you from the inside out. I would have liquified your insides and defecated on your ashes. My superhero/villain name could be The Cooker and I’d make it my life’s mission to assassinate useless pieces of manboobflesh like you on a daily basis.

The mailbox door slammed shut on three of my fingers. It hurt A LOT. In my pain, I saw you smile even broader, and so I cursed you with my evil eye. You didn’t ward me off with any fancy hand signals, so I’m fairly certain that within the next couple of days your privates will wither off and you will go blind.

And then we’ll see who's clumsy, you sad sack example of the human race.

I hate you.

Jesus hates you.

All the little angels in Heaven hate you.

I bet even Satan hates you.

Love,
Audra

After all that...

ROFL

OMG, I can't breathe I'm laughing so hard.

:D lol!

You GO girl!

HAHAHAHAHA!!

Yes! :)

Do NOT piss off The Cooker!!! :eek:

:snap: to you.

:iSm: to the useless piece of manboobflesh

Heehee. What an asshole! I'm sure he'll pay for his sins. :snap:

I often smile at the misfortune of others....

Uh oh...

Anyone feel sorry for the guy? I mean, one more snicker and he'd have been toast.
:eek:

You all know the words, let's sing along!
"Right now you are down and out
And feeling really crappy
And when I see how sad you are
It sorta makes me.... happy!
Schadenfraude!
Making me feel glad that I'm not you!"

Priceless. :)

Wow, what a coincidence! I spent the morning laughing and pointing at an old lady who fell and scrapped her knee.

Must be someting in the air?

that made my day..

:fej:

Oh dear Audra... the goodness in you ended the letter with "love". ;)

Your writing is fantastic.... and oh so expressive and full of angst!

The more I have thought about it, was he checking you out in the hey, that girl is cute kind of way. Because... Well, because that's a very real possibility. Or would that have been just creepy?

Now that I've read the post, every time I see this thread it looks like it says Dead Man at the Bus Stop to me.

I must say, that was THE best thing I've read all day, maybe even all week.

I use to be real nice to women, taking the burden off them, opening doors and such.. I don't do that much anymore because women do not want to be treated as though "they are helpless". Some would hand your head to you if you tried those things. So now, before I do anything for an unknown woman, I ask myself... self, would you do that for another man? If not... I would let you drop your mail and smile like a fool

It wasn't an attraction thing. At all. If he'd been interested, he would have laughed AND helped.

And even if he'd helped me, no interest. No way.

Also, for the record, I really would have laughed, too. But also HELPED.

I laugh at people when they fall, though. And don't usually help them, as I'm doubled over with laughter and laughter pains. My dad fell down in the rain once, in the middle of the street, and all I could do was stand in front of traffic, point at him, laugh, and try to catch the eyes of other laughers, only there weren't any. They were all staring at me, appalled that I was laughing and not helping him up. Also, he looks more like my grandpa, sometimes, so I think people thought he might have broken a hip.

And the laughter didn't cease after he stood up. He'd split a seam in his pants 'cause he'd been wearing ones that were too small. All day he'd insisted it was his one good suit that still fit him. And I'd say, "Yeah, then why is the jacket unbottoned? He'd suck in, button it up, "See? See, it fits." Then unbotton and exhale. Poor bastard. Then he fell. Good times.
GOOD TIMES!!!!!

I clicked expecting to read some expression of intrest in the MatBS, but nooo...

hehehe very nicely written!!!

You slay me, every damn time!

Mojo to you, my friend. :cheers:

I am cracking up about the story about your dad. Cracking up!