Dear Man at the Bus Stop

Eliza Hodgkins 1812 · 01-28-2005, 04:54 PM

Hello, MatBS. My name is Audra and just ten minutes ago we briefly set eyes on each other as I was stuffing a boatload of mail into the corner mailbox. At first I didn’t notice you were there. I was mindful of my task, opening the mailbox as carefully as possible with one hand while trying to drop some letters in at the same time. The mail was bulky and it’s hard to stuff and keep the door open at the same time. Some mail dropped on the floor and I bent to pick it up. That’s when I noticed you watching me. And smiling.

Laughing at my clumsiness were you?

I’d laugh at someone in my position, as well, but I’d also, with haste, offer my assistance. “Hey, that looks difficult. Let me open the door for you while you drop the mail in.”

But not you, you f**ker. You just kept smiling in my direction. I met you with a scowl, which isn’t nearly as intimidating as I’d like it to be. Some people scowl with the full force of a kick to the groin. In lieu of the scowl, I’d would have liked to have actually kicked you in the groin, but my hands were full and I had a job to do. Plus, I've got a weakling girlie kick. I was crap even at kickball. Soccer? Forget about it. I might as well have been lame.

I continued to stuff. More mail dropped. I had to bang the door shut in order to push the mail further into the box so that more could fit more inside. I heard you chuckle. If I had a laser gun, mister, I would have burnt you from the inside out. I would have liquified your insides and defecated on your ashes. My superhero/villain name could be The Cooker and I’d make it my life’s mission to assassinate useless pieces of manboobflesh like you on a daily basis.

The mailbox door slammed shut on three of my fingers. It hurt A LOT. In my pain, I saw you smile even broader, and so I cursed you with my evil eye. You didn’t ward me off with any fancy hand signals, so I’m fairly certain that within the next couple of days your privates will wither off and you will go blind.

And then we’ll see who's clumsy, you sad sack example of the human race.

I hate you.

Jesus hates you.

All the little angels in Heaven hate you.

I bet even Satan hates you.

Love,
Audra

Scrooge McSam · 01-28-2005, 05:01 PM

After all that...

Quote:

Originally Posted by Eliza Hodgkins 1812

Love,
Audra

ROFL

Ghoulish Delight · 01-28-2005, 05:03 PM

OMG, I can't breathe I'm laughing so hard.

Gemini Cricket · 01-28-2005, 05:13 PM

lol!

Not Afraid · 01-28-2005, 05:19 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Eliza Hodgkins 1812

In my pain, I saw you smile even broader, and so I cursed you with my evil eye. You didn’t ward me off with any fancy hand signals, so I’m fairly certain that within the next couple of days your privates will wither off and you will go blind.

You GO girl!

blueerica · 01-28-2005, 06:07 PM

HAHAHAHAHA!!

Yes!

Claire · 01-28-2005, 06:13 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Eliza Hodgkins 1812

If I had a laser gun, mister, I would have burnt you from the inside out. I would have liquified your insides and defecated on your ashes. My superhero/villain name could be The Cooker and I’d make it my life’s mission to assassinate useless pieces of manboobflesh like you on a daily basis.

Do NOT piss off The Cooker!!!

to you.

to the useless piece of manboobflesh

Cadaverous Pallor · 01-28-2005, 06:19 PM

Heehee. What an asshole! I'm sure he'll pay for his sins.

€uroMeinke · 01-28-2005, 06:27 PM

I often smile at the misfortune of others....

Uh oh...

Gemini Cricket · 01-28-2005, 06:28 PM

Anyone feel sorry for the guy? I mean, one more snicker and he'd have been toast.

01-28-2005, 04:54 PM	#1
Eliza Hodgkins 1812 Sputnik Sweetheart Join Date: Jan 2005 Location: Long Beach Posts: 2,685	Dear Man at the Bus Stop Hello, MatBS. My name is Audra and just ten minutes ago we briefly set eyes on each other as I was stuffing a boatload of mail into the corner mailbox. At first I didn’t notice you were there. I was mindful of my task, opening the mailbox as carefully as possible with one hand while trying to drop some letters in at the same time. The mail was bulky and it’s hard to stuff and keep the door open at the same time. Some mail dropped on the floor and I bent to pick it up. That’s when I noticed you watching me. And smiling. Laughing at my clumsiness were you? I’d laugh at someone in my position, as well, but I’d also, with haste, offer my assistance. “Hey, that looks difficult. Let me open the door for you while you drop the mail in.” But not you, you f*ker. You just kept smiling in my direction. I met you with a scowl, which isn’t nearly as intimidating as I’d like it to be. Some people scowl with the full force of a kick to the groin. In lieu of the scowl, I’d would have liked to have actually kicked you in the groin, but my hands were full and I had a job to do. Plus, I've got a weakling girlie kick. I was crap even at kickball. Soccer? Forget about it. I might as well have been lame. I continued to stuff. More mail dropped. I had to bang the door shut in order to push the mail further into the box so that more could fit more inside. I heard you chuckle. If I had a laser gun, mister, I would have burnt you from the inside out. I would have liquified your insides and defecated on your ashes. My superhero/villain name could be The Cooker and I’d make it my life’s mission to assassinate useless pieces of manboobflesh like you on a daily basis. The mailbox door slammed shut on three of my fingers. It hurt A LOT. In my pain, I saw you smile even broader, and so I cursed you with my evil eye. You didn’t ward me off with any fancy hand signals, so I’m fairly certain that within the next couple of days your privates will wither off and you will go blind. And then we’ll see who's clumsy, you sad sack example of the human race. I hate you. Jesus hates you. All the little angels in Heaven hate you. I bet even Satan hates you. Love, Audra Last edited by Eliza Hodgkins 1812 : 01-28-2005 at 05:13 PM.*
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01-28-2005, 05:03 PM	#3
Ghoulish Delight I Floop the Pig Join Date: Jan 2005 Location: Alternative Swankstyle Posts: 19,348	OMG, I can't breathe I'm laughing so hard. __________________ 'He who receives an idea from me, receives instruction himself without lessening mine; as he who lights his taper at mine, receives light without darkening me.' -TJ
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01-28-2005, 05:13 PM	#4
Gemini Cricket ... Join Date: Jan 2005 Posts: 13,244	lol!
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01-28-2005, 06:07 PM	#6
blueerica Nueve Join Date: Jan 2005 Posts: 6,497	HAHAHAHAHA!! Yes!
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01-28-2005, 06:19 PM	#8
Cadaverous Pallor ohhhh baby Join Date: Jan 2005 Location: Parental Bliss Posts: 12,364	Heehee. What an asshole! I'm sure he'll pay for his sins. __________________ The second star to the right shines in the night for you
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01-28-2005, 06:27 PM	#9
€uroMeinke L'Hédoniste Join Date: Jan 2005 Location: A.S.C.O.T. Posts: 8,671	I often smile at the misfortune of others.... Uh oh... __________________ I would believe only in a God that knows how to Dance. Friedrich Nietzsche
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01-28-2005, 06:28 PM	#10
Gemini Cricket ... Join Date: Jan 2005 Posts: 13,244	Anyone feel sorry for the guy? I mean, one more snicker and he'd have been toast. Last edited by Gemini Cricket : 01-28-2005 at 06:29 PM. Reason: I changed "snig ger" to "snicker". You can't say "snig ger" here...
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