3 lines or less
 

Inspired by an excellent McSweeney's piece, I thought I'd come up with some movies, in three lines or less.

Harold and Maude:

HAROLD
I love the shock of pretending to commit suicide. Oh, death, I yearn for you.

MAUDE
No! Live! Greet each morning with a breath of fire! Suicide isn't the answer... unless you're 80.

HAROLD
Maude....?


Mary Poppins

MR. BANKS
We rather need someone to take care of our ill-behaved moppets.

MARY
Indeed - but only until you have a mental breakdown and stumble out of the bank on a wooden leg named Smith. Spit-spot.

BERT
'Alo, 'alo! I 'ave a 'orrible cockney accen'... buy a kite, mister?


When Harry Met Sally

SALLY
I hate you, Harry.

HARRY
You love me, Sally.

SALLY
You're right, you're right. I know you're right.



... now, you!

Blazing Saddles

GABBY JOHNSON
The sheriff's a <GONG>

LILI VON SHTUPP
Oh. It's twue. It's twue. It's twue, it's twue!

SHERIFF BART
All right, you caught me. Speaking the plain truth is getting pretty damn dull around here.

The Wizard of Oz:

DOROTHY:
I hate Kansas!

WICKED WITCH OF THE WEST:
I'm gonna cap yo a$s for steain' my sista's pimp kicks.

DOROTHY:
I love Kansas!

Grease

SANDY
I love you Danny, why don't you ditch your friends and clean up your act for me.

DANNY
I'd really rather keep acting like a jerk so I don't look like a pansy....but you're right, love is worth it!

SANDY
Nevermind, you're right. Irresponsible slutiness, here I come!


2001: A Space Odyssey

DAVE
Hal, I know our mission to figure out this monolith thing's important and all, but you're priorities are all screwed up. We're going to have to disable you.

HAL
Just what do you think you're doing Dave?

BIZARRE SPACE BABY
???????????????????????

The Little Mermaid

ARIEL:
I want to be human.

URSULA:
Here are two legs.

ARIEL:
I got my man and all I had to do was change my species!

Purple Rain:

PRINCE:
I want to be a star.

PRINCE:
Apollonia, take of your clothes and jump into a freezing lake, let me smack you in the face but love me for it because I think I'm a star now.

APOLLONIA:
What's a little split lip? I love my 5'2" mascara'd Adonis.

Pretty Woman

Vivan: With my beautiful looks, street smarts and automotive knowledge, I could be a Hollywood starlet OR a mechanic, but instead I choose to be a hooker.

Edward: An expensive wardrobe and opera will transform you into my ideal woman, and in exchange for rescuing you from a life of prostitution, I only ask that you teach me how to walk on grass in my bare feet.

Vivian: Deal.

Breakfast at Tiffany's

MR. YUNIOSHI
Herro, I have a tellible Japanese accent. Miss Gorightry, keep that racket down!

HOLLY
Well a lady has to do something to find a fellow who isn't a super-rat. And preferably one who's rich.

PAUL
I think I like you more as a gay icon, but this is Hollywood, so kiss me, baby, and hand me that cat.

Citizen Kane

KANE
Rosebud...

FILM GEEKS
If a media magnate calls for his toboggan on his deathbed, and no one is around to hear it, is the rest of the plot sound?

This one's my favorite. ;)

Do the Right Thing:

AFRICAN AMERICANS:
You all are racist.

ITALIAN AMERICANS:
You all are racist.

2008 AUDIENCE OF ANY RACE:
We're glad no one dresses like that any more.


-------------------------

The Star Wars Trilogy in 3 lines:

A New Hope:

DARTH VADER:
I am a one big, bad, mutha fukka!

Empire Strikes Back:

DARTH VADER:
You got pwned! I'm your father, Luke!

Return of the Jedi:

DARTH VADER:
Okay, fine, I'm white like you. For the funeral, just put the mask back on, okay? Golly!

-----------------------------

Ratatouille:

REMY:
I don't want to be just a filthy rat. I want to be a chef!

GUSTEAU:
I am a psychotic hallucination you're having, Remy, of a man who knocked up his girl and didn't even know it. But I say, anyone, even a filthy germ riddled rat, can cook!

ANTON EGO:
Yes, anyone can cook. Even a rat. But no sane French person will buy that, so after your restaurant closes, I shall make money off of you as an investor and still no one will know you exist.

Nearly identical plots.
 

Pride and Prejudice

Darcy: I hate you first, but then I love you.

Elizabeth: I hate you. Wait. Is that YOUR gigantic house? I love you.

Darcy: Just remember who said it first.


The Cutting Edge

Doug: I hate you AND I hate ice skating. (Read as: I love you AND I love ice skating.)

Kate: I hate you. Wait. Is that YOUR gigantic penis? I love you.

Doug: Just remember who said it first.

STAR WARS

Leia:
He's your father.

Darth Vader:
She's your sister.

Luke:
Incest - a game the whole family can play.

I love reading everyone's three-line movies!

The Lord of the Rings Trilogy in 3 Lines:

Fellowship of the Ring:

FRODO:
C'mon, Sam! We need to destroy the ring in the fires of Mordor.

The Two Towers:

FRODO:
Whew! This is a long walk, Sam.

Return of the King:

SAM:
If these goddamned eagles can fly us back home, couldn't they have flown us to Mordor in the first place?!

THE INDIANA JONES SERIES

Father Figure:
Indiana, you need to find the mystical object in the architectural ruin.

Indiana:
But I need to take a plane trip to find the ancient map written in hiero-petro-ana-glyphs.

Romantic Interest:
Indiiiiiiiiiii...forget the map, the swarming creatures are attacking!

They all rock, but GC's LOTR trilogy wins, hands down!:snap:

Throw in a little illegal irrigation and it also goes for Chinatown!

The Matrix

Neo:
Life seems weird. What's the truth?

Trinity, Morpheus and the Oracle in chorus:
The truth is that you're a god in a world where nothing is real.

Neo:
Whoa.

I don't know why I thought I had to use actual lines from the movie.

West Side Story

Tony & Maria:
I love you even though our families think we don't belong together, and thanks to Steve and Lenny, we can sing about it!

Bill Shakespeare:
So Steve and Lenny are to blame? I think
I shall be calling my solicitor!

Art Brooke & Bill Painter:
(clear throats)

I don't remember this line from Mary Poppins...
;)

Yeah, I call shenanigans ... but they made the thread possible, and funnier.



and that Dick van Dyke line was a song lyric, I believe

...we are, but they ended up on the cutting room floor. Can't think for the life of me why...as they make more sense.

Love and hugs,

The Stoat XXX.

PS// Hey Kevy - get better soon dude.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Kevy Baby
I don't know why I thought I had to use actual lines from the movie.

I don't remember this line from Mary Poppins...
Quote:
Originally Posted by LSPoorEeyorick
BERT
'Alo, 'alo! I 'ave a 'orrible cockney accen'... buy a kite, mister?

;)

Dear GC,

How the fvck are you anyway?

Now to business:

The "Kite" that Bert was referring to was cocaine (as in "high as a kite").

Didn't you pick up on the fact that he was the local dealer???

Do you honestly think that they all jumped into a chalk drawing and danced with freakin' penguins???

The closing song was actually an advertisement for the stuff. Mary was lucky she never got done for drug trafficking - the bottomless bag saved her sorry ass.

You Americans crack me up...ummm...make me laugh.

Love and hugs,

The Stoat XXX.

Dear Stoat,
Not too bad, really.
Still jobless but I hope to change that very soon.
If you know of any sugar daddies in the L.A. area, send 'em my way.
:D
GC

...so let me understand...you want a L.A. sugar daddy cowboy with a six pack that likes Doris Day movies.

Let me consult my little black-sequened book...hmmmm:

• Has abs, not rich.
• Rich, no abs.
• Rich with abs, no Doris Day.
• Rich with abs, not gay, likes Doris Day. WTF?
• Rich, has abs, gay, likes Doris Day. Damn, respects George Bush.
• Rich, has abs, gay, likes Doris Day. Damn, that one's taken.

Sorry dude, I'll have to get back to you on that one.

Love and hugs,

The Stoat XXX.

The Big Lebowski:

Dude: Lets bowl

Cowboy: there is so much happening in this world everyone everything is interconnected and sometimes while trying to do one thing for one reason you end up doing many things than change your life

Dude: Fvck that lets bowl

The Simpson's Movie:

Homer: Let's keep polluting the environment

EPA: We can't trust you to not destroy the environment or your town so we're protecting you from yourselves. And then we're going to blow you up.

Lisa: I'm confused. Is Al Gore or George Bush in office?

2001: A SPACE ODYSSEY

Black Monolith.
White Room.
Pink Baby.


SCHINDLER'S LIST

Milk
Bread
Bacon*

*it's meat candy.


SOPHIE'S CHOICE

Red dress, white shoes, pink handbag.
Pink dress, red shoes, white handbag.
White dress, pink shoes, red handbag.

Why are you callin' shenanigans? I was basing my stuff on the concept from McSweeneys, which definitely didn't use actual book quotes... But anybody, of course, can play this game however they like.

Labyrinth.

Sarah: Take my baby brother away

Jareth: You Got it. Can't catch me.

Sarah: Give Him back. Found you !