Lounge of Tomorrow - Dear Man at the Bus Stop

Hello, MatBS. My name is Audra and just ten minutes ago we briefly set eyes on each other as I was stuffing a boatload of mail into the corner mailbox. At first I didn’t notice you were there. I was mindful of my task, opening the mailbox as carefully as possible with one hand while trying to drop some letters in at the same time. The mail was bulky and it’s hard to stuff and keep the door open at the same time. Some mail dropped on the floor and I bent to pick it up. That’s when I noticed you watching me. And smiling.

Laughing at my clumsiness were you?

I’d laugh at someone in my position, as well, but I’d also, with haste, offer my assistance. “Hey, that looks difficult. Let me open the door for you while you drop the mail in.”

But not you, you f**ker. You just kept smiling in my direction. I met you with a scowl, which isn’t nearly as intimidating as I’d like it to be. Some people scowl with the full force of a kick to the groin. In lieu of the scowl, I’d would have liked to have actually kicked you in the groin, but my hands were full and I had a job to do. Plus, I've got a weakling girlie kick. I was crap even at kickball. Soccer? Forget about it. I might as well have been lame.

I continued to stuff. More mail dropped. I had to bang the door shut in order to push the mail further into the box so that more could fit more inside. I heard you chuckle. If I had a laser gun, mister, I would have burnt you from the inside out. I would have liquified your insides and defecated on your ashes. My superhero/villain name could be The Cooker and I’d make it my life’s mission to assassinate useless pieces of manboobflesh like you on a daily basis.

The mailbox door slammed shut on three of my fingers. It hurt A LOT. In my pain, I saw you smile even broader, and so I cursed you with my evil eye. You didn’t ward me off with any fancy hand signals, so I’m fairly certain that within the next couple of days your privates will wither off and you will go blind.

And then we’ll see who's clumsy, you sad sack example of the human race.

I hate you.

Jesus hates you.

All the little angels in Heaven hate you.

I bet even Satan hates you.

Love,
Audra