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The "Great" Outdoors
A Play in 27 lines by Gemini Cricket
Brad and Ralphie stand by a metal pipe railing in the middle of the stage. The rest of the stage is bare. They gaze fondly into the audience.
Ralphie: Aren't the outdoors...
Brad: Great?
Ralphie: Yes.
Brad: No.
Ralphie: Isn't the view of the Monterey Bay beautiful up here?
Brad: Swell. You know what needs to happen to it?
Ralphie: No.
Brad: It needs to be filled with cement so I'd finally have a place to park our truck.
Ralphie: Don't you love the Grand Canyon?
Brad: It needs more Starbuckses.
Ralphie: Isn't Big Sur wonderful?
Brad: Firewood for miles and miles. Do you know what Death Valley needs?
Ralphie: Air conditioning?
Brad: Exactly.
Ralphie: Yosemite's nice.
Brad: Half Dome needs an ATM half way up it.
Ralphie: Why?
Brad: So I'd have money to spend at the mall I'm going to build on top of it.
Ralphie: You hate the outdoors.
Brad: Not totally. It does make me appreciate staying home a great deal.
Ralphie: I'm going on a hike.
Brad: Call me when you're lost.
Ralphie: You know... some park rangers can be handsome.
Brad: I'm coming with.
FIN
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