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Originally Posted by Alex
I find this interesting. So if you don't know a person is British or gay, do they suddenly become more attractive once you learn?
I notice that of all of the "attractive" indicators you give none of them really have anything to do with appearance (or don't have reliable appearance elements).
This is something I talk about all the time with Lani. I have two very different sets of "attractive" criteria. If I'm just looking at a stranger from across the room then it is all about shallow physical characteristics. I like tall, Asian, red head, breasts a bit on the large side, mature looking, etc. That is most pleasing to just look at (obviously, not common to find in a single package).
And those criteria have almost nothing to do with being a person I'd want to date, marry, hang out with, etc.
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I find it an interesting topic, too.
You're right... my indicators are mostly not visual. I'm strongly kinesthetic, I think, in my various attractions. Images of pretty people kind of leave me cold - the same with seeing someone across the room. It's been pretty rare that I've noticed someone walking down the street, for instance, and found them attractive. Frankly, I'd notice a (what I find) beautiful woman across the room before a man. But the way a man speaks, how intensely, how passionately, how intelligently... or the way he makes me feel (or how he would make me feel if I were, say, part of the movie action)...
I suppose if I had to specify the physical qualities I'm attracted to, I... I guess I'd say... handsome but not a classical way? Not particularly in shape? I've always preferred the not-at-all-muscle-bound thin or the not-at-all-thin. I have trouble qualifying it, because basically, until I interact with someone (or, at times, when they're interacting on screen, or are interviewed, eetc) I kind of feel nothing about them.
My attraction to gay men in my youth was probably about the warm way that the wonderful gay men in my life treated me, our shared interests (often artistic in nature) and the intellectual discussions we enjoyed. Perhaps, to an extent, their impeccable grooming.
My attraction to brits may be that they come across as noble, or sensitive, or intelligent. Or it may just be the accent.
My attraction to geeks is, in part, more physical. If that makes sense, which I'm not sure it does, but maybe if Brad Pitt lost some muscle tone, threw on a sweater vest and started wearing glasses, I'd find him more attractive. Glasses are hot.
I wonder if all of this stems back to personal observations about sex? I've dated some "pretty boys," but they were never much in the sack; too interested in themselves, imagining that their bodies were all they needed for me to have an orgasm. The geeks I've dated (ooh, and the one I married especially) on the other hand, have been much more interesting sexually. Much more willing to be playful, to be adventurous with foreplay, to make me laugh.
I can say with all honesty that the most I was ever turned on was as a result of doing artistic work with my husband. The epitome of what I find compelling: a meld of the intellectualism, creativity and passion that bled over into the bedroom like melting butter.
And that was probably more than you ever wanted to know about me. Ah well. There it is.