Great poem, Traci. Here's my critique, but remember, it's just my opinion
It has a beginning middle and end, which I like. You can feel it rise and fall. That can be tough to accomplish.
The contrasts between comfort and sadness are fantastic. Here's my favorite bit:
Oh, Lonely, come and comfort me,
I'll be awash in your ghastly glow.
Caress me lightly with your tendrils
I take solace in your chill.
The bed part is also fantastic. Everyone enjoys being depressed sometimes and you capture that perfectly. I think the emotions in this poem are real, and the way you state them makes them easy to connect with.
Who needs them anyway? is in my opinion the least effective line. If you could find another way to state the same idea it would work better. I can't exactly say why, but it just doesn't work for me. Something about the cadence, and the fact that it's a rather non-original turn of phrase, in the middle of mostly original lines. The very last line is a little weak but you're definitely close.
The cadence is mostly great. Whenever I do a chanting style poem I get very picky about how many syllables, which words should half-rhyme, etc. With this poem in particular I think you have a lot of leeway regarding "rules". It's all together, no spaces, which brings to mind someone that really is alone, repeating bitterly to themselves about how they really don't need anyone else. I especially liked the repetitveness of "Oh Lonely", only because I personally would use "Oh" all the time when I talked to imaginary friends as a kid.
The only things that I'd personally change are the lines I pointed out. I like everything else.
Thanks for the bravery! Keep it coming!
