*Sister Psychic (A song by SmashMouth)
My older sister came to visit me yesterday. I was really looking forward to seeing her.
I love my older sister to death but sometimes she has a way of making me feel less than adequate.
She's very fixed on people's looks and always has something to say about my looks.
She looks like Eva Longoria or a model or something...
At a restaurant, she waits until her husband to be goes to the bathroom to tell me that she and the rest of my immediate family are pooling their money together for a big purchase. Thinking it's a house or a condo somewhere I ask what it is.
My sister tells me that they're putting their money together because and this is a quote, 'You're teeth are really bad and you need dental work on your front teeth.' I was stunned. I had no idea that I had not for public interaction teeth. I had no idea that my British smile reminded the world of Roquefort cheese.
'You guys had a meeting about this?' I asked.
'Yes.' She said.
Then husband to be comes back to the table and the subject is dropped.
I am so fvcking steamed.
My friend, Mimi, said to take the money and run. Get veneers and laugh it all off. But I'm pissed. How fairweather, shallow and two dimensional can a family be? What happened to we love you no matter what?
And it gets better, folks.
For lunch, I'm eating seafood pasta leftovers from the other night. I bite into a hidden clamshell and chip my front tooth. Now I look like what they were talking about.
I don't know whether to laugh or just crawl in a hole and die.
I'm tho pithed off. But, as you can see, I still have my thense of humor.
Oh yes, I forgot to add that she thinks my apartment's too small, we act like we live in a dorm, there's too much dog hair in the truck, we have too many knickknacks and she's glad she can finally tell mom what my place looks like.
I hate my family.
