Thithter Thychic*

[Gemini Cricket]

*Sister Psychic (A song by SmashMouth)

My older sister came to visit me yesterday. I was really looking forward to seeing her.

I love my older sister to death but sometimes she has a way of making me feel less than adequate.

She's very fixed on people's looks and always has something to say about my looks. She looks like Eva Longoria or a model or something...

At a restaurant, she waits until her husband to be goes to the bathroom to tell me that she and the rest of my immediate family are pooling their money together for a big purchase. Thinking it's a house or a condo somewhere I ask what it is.

My sister tells me that they're putting their money together because and this is a quote, 'You're teeth are really bad and you need dental work on your front teeth.' I was stunned. I had no idea that I had not for public interaction teeth. I had no idea that my British smile reminded the world of Roquefort cheese.

'You guys had a meeting about this?' I asked.
'Yes.' She said.

Then husband to be comes back to the table and the subject is dropped.

I am so fvcking steamed.

My friend, Mimi, said to take the money and run. Get veneers and laugh it all off. But I'm pissed. How fairweather, shallow and two dimensional can a family be? What happened to we love you no matter what?

And it gets better, folks.

For lunch, I'm eating seafood pasta leftovers from the other night. I bite into a hidden clamshell and chip my front tooth. Now I look like what they were talking about.

I don't know whether to laugh or just crawl in a hole and die.

I'm tho pithed off. But, as you can see, I still have my thense of humor.


Oh yes, I forgot to add that she thinks my apartment's too small, we act like we live in a dorm, there's too much dog hair in the truck, we have too many knickknacks and she's glad she can finally tell mom what my place looks like.

I hate my family.

[Not Afraid]

I don't know why I'm laughing right now, but I am. I should be pisssed at your sister and your family. (I've never noticed your need for dental work.) I LOVE your home and dog hair is better than no dog, so there. And, what is this "too many knickknacks" thing? Crazy. People are just crazy and all you can do is laugh.

[Gemini Cricket]

I'm laughing, too, actually.
This whole thing is ridiculous.
I told myself as the subway took her away, 'There's nothing wrong with my teeth.'
Then *bam* clamshell.
I guess it is funny.

[innerSpaceman]

Yes, pretty funny.

Except for the part where you might now have to take the swallow-pride money for the dental work you didn't previously need. Ah, but Neo, would you have chipped your tooth if your sister never said anything?


Well, how bad a chip is it? I have a small chip in my front tooth that (i hope) no one really notices all that much. I think it's kinda charming, in fact ... but my dentist says it is susceptible to more damage and should be fixed.

As for any dental work of a semi or major nature .... I myself would be only too glad to swallow pride or many other things in order to pay for it. Dental is expensive and I no doubt would wish for the foul-tasting handout from fuctup family of smallmindedness should I need any down the road.






Oh, and when you get to L.A., I ask your forgiveness in advance for me staring at your mouth for the first 20 minutes.

[Moonliner]

In an insane society the sane man must appear insane.

[Gemini Cricket]

Well! I'm tho happy to thee that you think this is tho funny.
There's therious thircumstanthes at sthake here. My thisther may be thychic. How doeth one live with a thychic thibling?
I feel thorry for her huthband to be. He'th doomed.

[innerSpaceman]

Your sister's thick but noth thychic.

She did not have premonitions about you chipping your tooth; rather she had the poor manners and lack of tact to spring her opinions of your smile in a most unloving way.

She may have helped cause the chip that chipped soon after, or - more likely - you may have caused it yourself in unwitting reaction, a happenstance that would never have happened had you not had your inner energy directed to your outer teeth.

More likely still, both the chip in your tooth and the chip on your shoulder from your family's faux pas are part of the same string of psychic energy running through your life at this particular moment.

You and your sister are merely pawns. She may be a nasty bitch, but she's not psychic.

[alphabassettgrrl]

Ah, family. I live 2000 miles from mine. I'm sorry yours is giving you grief.

Teeth- if they don't bother you or your significant other, does it matter? Or take the money and run with it; dental work *is* expensive.

Apartment- you live there, not them. If you're happy, tell 'em to take a hike.

Too many knick-knacks? Again, they don't live there.

Dog hair? I'm with Lisa- better dog hair than no dog.

Your life works for you. They should stop telling you how to live your life.

[LSPoorEeyorick]

Bleah. You know we love you the way you are, right? Your sister is lame. And shallow, yes, if she's trying to fix something that wass perfectly fine at the time (and that none of us noticed when spending time with you.) You like your life, and Ralphie does, and there's no reason she should dictate what any part of it should be.

[lizziebith]

Because I only know you from this board, I don't know what you look like. Maybe a pic has been posted, but I'm not remembering it...but what I know is that from everything I've ever read that you've written, you strike me as one reeeeeaaaally attractive individual. Articulate, whimsical, passionate. I don't go by looks, so maybe what I think doesn't count these days, but to my mind's eye you look swell -- no, swanky! Babe: you've got it where it counts, and everything else is eye candy, which, unlike the important stuff, can obviously be bought. Only do it if you wanna. For you. In my mind, you are already teh hottie.





And I, too, have a small chip -- I lovingly refer to it as my inner-trash manifestation!