WTF Stories of the Week

[Gemini Cricket]

How the hell do you cut your own head off with a chainsaw?!
Wouldn't you stop halfway through the neck because you're already dead?

[Alex]

It's all in the arm speed.

Though I can think of several gravity methods that would get the trick done.

[Gemini Cricket]

Ew!

[LashStoat]

This is a true story…

Stoat: "Hi, I'd like to speak to Janet"
Telephonist: "Janet's on holidays"
Stoat: "Oh...Ok, can I speak to someone else in her department?"
Telephonist: "Well, let me see, hmmm…Nicole”
Stoat: “Yes, Ok, I’ll speak to Nicole”
Telephonist: “I’ll put you on hold…”

[heavy metal din rattles my fillings for 5 minutes]

Not Nicole: “Hi, this is the Communications Department”
Stoat: “Hi Nicole, I need some legal advice”
Not Nicole: “This is not Nicole, it’s Julie”
Stoat: “Sorry Julie, I was told that I’d be speaking to Nicole”
Julie: “Nicole doesn’t work here any more”
Stoat: “Well I actually wanted to speak to Janet, but she’s on holidays”
Julie: “No she’s not – she’s in today”
Stoat: “Oh good – may I speak with her?”
Julie: “Sorry, Janet’s on another call right now”
Stoat: “Well, I can hold until she’s available”
Julie: “I’ll put you on hold…”

[heavy metal din rattles my fillings for 5 minutes]

Not Julie: “How can I help you?”
Stoat: “Hi Julie?...I was waiting for Janet”
Not Julie: “This not Julie, this is Christina…Julie has gone to lunch”
Stoat: “Christina, may I please speak to Janet?”
Christina: “Janet is on holidays”
Stoat: “But Julie told me that Janet was on another call”
Christina: “Look..can someone else help you? Nicole is available”
Stoat: “But Julie told me that Nicole doesn’t work there anymore”
Christina: “I’ll put you on hold…”

[heavy metal din rattles my fillings for 10 minutes]

Stoat: “Hi Christina?...what’s the deal with Nicole?”
Not Christina: “This is not Christina, this is Trudy”
Stoat: “Sorry Trudy, I was after Janet”
Trudy: “Janet’s knocked off for the day”
Stoat: “Well when should I call back?”
Trudy: “Janet will be on holidays for two weeks…
Stoat: [silence]

Trudy: "Can someone else help you?”
Stoat: “God might have – but I think he has forsaken me – click”

[LashStoat]

Originally Posted by Gemini Cricket

How the hell do you cut your own head off with a chainsaw?!
Wouldn't you stop halfway through the neck because you're already dead?

Dear GC,

Bear and I watched a DVD called "Hostel" by Qentin Tarrantino. I spent most of the movie peering through my fingers or watching the reflection upside-down in the glass-topped coffee table.

If you require instruction on "incredibly gruesome things to do to yourself and others with a chainsaw" then rent this sucker. Oh...and I reckon MythBusters could easily demonstrate that an individual could top 'emselves quite easily...after all, we are talking about a couple of feet of totally exposed fast moving metal teeth.

Chainsaws scare the pants of me...

Love and hugs,

The Stoat XXX.

[Alex]

Minor point of clarification. Hostel is an Eli Roth film. I suspect a Tarantino version would have more artistic value and not be just torture porn (and I use that in the cinematic rather than actual pornography sense to avoid the long conversation that happened last time I said torture porn).

[LashStoat]

Originally Posted by Alex

Minor point of clarification. Hostel is an Eli Roth film. I suspect a Tarantino version would have more artistic value and not be just torture porn (and I use that in the cinematic rather than actual pornography sense to avoid the long conversation that happened last time I said torture porn).

Dear Alex,

Maybe there are different versions out there...I could have sworn I saw Qentin's name on the screen. I will say this though: apart from the gratuitous gore, the plot actually held together quite well (better than most body parts anyway) and actually led to a reasonable resolution, which I quite liked.

Hugs,

The Stoat.

[mousepod]

Tarantino was an "Executive Producer" on Hostel, and the film was a "Quentin Tarantino presents..." feature.

So I understand why Stoat would think it was a QT flick.

[LashStoat]

Originally Posted by mousepod

Tarantino was an "Executive Producer" on Hostel, and the film was a "Quentin Tarantino presents..." feature.

So I understand why Stoat would think it was a QT flick.

Dear Mousepod,

Thanks for clearing that up...which is exactly what the stage hands would have been doing for days..weeks..months after !!!

Love and hugs,

The Stoat XXX.

[Kevy Baby]

Originally Posted by Alex

It's all in the arm speed.

Though I can think of several gravity methods that would get the trick done.

I am occasionally disturbed by the amount of thought you put into these kind of things.