Dove Contest - Take 1 (Need Feedback ASAP!!)

Disneyphile · 01-03-2008, 12:15 AM

Ok, kids, here's the first cut for the contest. Lemme know what you think. Please say whatever comes to mind.

I can say one thing - trying to convey a message in 30 seconds or less is friggin hard, especially when certain stock footage must be used according to the rules.

Link

I still have a couple days left to tweak it, so please note any changes that should be made, etc.

This was truly a LoT of effort - NA's bathroom, CP's brave acting, and MBC's original music.

Enjoy!

figment1986 · 01-03-2008, 01:03 AM

Nice touch with the mirror reflection...

Looks great! feels like it takes to long for the dove to come out and hit the luffa... like maybe take out half a second of the looking at the dove before having the liquid come out? you might understand what i mean.... but its great as is..

Isaac · 01-03-2008, 01:48 AM

Can't see it.

innerSpaceman · 01-03-2008, 07:59 AM

Sorry, it won't play for me either.

Snowflake · 01-03-2008, 08:01 AM

Me either cause I'm at work. Tonight, however, when it's too late!

Alex · 01-03-2008, 08:10 AM

I hate to say it if it was performed just for that but the music doesn't seem to fit right, to me. It might just be that it is a bit too loud but it felt very male for a very feminine scene.

And I agree that there's something just a tad off in the "applying soap to loofah bit.

But otherwise a very good effort.

Gemini Cricket · 01-03-2008, 08:58 AM

A couple of things:

The Dove bottle needs to be facing the camera. Flat. Not at an angle. We need to see all of the front of the bottle.

Jenn's hair later on in the commercial needs to look better than the first shot. I think her hair looked better in the before-Dove section. The whole before and after thing...

I like the shot at the end. But, and this isn't meaning to offend anyone, what is the actress doing in that last shot? It needs to be more clear. If she's using Dove and all is well, she should be lathering her shoulder or arms up and we should see it. Right now, it looks like she's... well... just rubbing herself.

The music maybe should play up the whole Paris motif? Squeaky accordion music at first and then a more sensual Piaf-like sound towards the end?

Is Jenn in Paris? It looks like it.

The graphic next to Jenn in the shower with the Dove bottle should be smoother, again more sensual.

I like the shower squeak at the beginning.

I love the way the bathroom looked.

I love Jenn.

I think this is a cool commercial.

Cadaverous Pallor · 01-03-2008, 10:14 AM

Heehee! I don't think I can have much perspective on this because my initial reaction is "that doesn't look like a commercial because that's ME!"

Anyway, I'd agree with the above. Cut the squeezing scene a bit. I'd slow down the part where I'm washing my shoulders/neck, I'm moving too fast against the slow music.

I also agree with Brad on the last shot - I was like, dude, what am I washing??

Did any of the rest of it look better? I know I tried to wash visibly (back and arms) but of course I have no idea what it looked like from your side.

Is the pink bottle part of the stock footage? The fact that it doesn't match the ivory colored bottle we used is a kind of a shame.

I wish my hair looked better, and I wish there was time for a reshoot!

But all the angles are great, the dropping soap looked better than I imagined. I disagree with Alex on the music, I think it matches the theme of luxury very well.

Can't wait for the second draft!

Chernabog · 01-03-2008, 10:21 AM

Hmmm that's odd, clicking on that link crashes firefox every time. Perhaps my quicktime isn't up to date?

*edit* yup something about a "buffer overrun" in C++ when it tries to update Quicktime, I'll reinstall. The things I do for Dove.

Kevy Baby · 01-03-2008, 10:25 AM

I had to watch without sound as I am still stuck in a cubicle farm.

The only thing I would add is that the transitions need to be smoother - most of them seem quite abrupt. This may be because it is an early cut, but I thougth I would mention it.

Quote:

Originally Posted by zapppop

Can't see it.

Quote:

Originally Posted by innerSpaceman

Sorry, it won't play for me either.

Once it downloaded, I just clicked on the QuickTime logo and the player popped up. Hopefully that helps.

01-03-2008, 12:15 AM	#1
Disneyphile SQUIRREL! Join Date: Jan 2005 Location: On the curbside. Posts: 5,098	Dove Contest - Take 1 (Need Feedback ASAP!!) Ok, kids, here's the first cut for the contest. Lemme know what you think. Please say whatever comes to mind. I can say one thing - trying to convey a message in 30 seconds or less is friggin hard, especially when certain stock footage must be used according to the rules. Link I still have a couple days left to tweak it, so please note any changes that should be made, etc. This was truly a LoT of effort - NA's bathroom, CP's brave acting, and MBC's original music. Enjoy!
	Submit to Quotes

01-03-2008, 01:03 AM	#2
figment1986 Join the Darkside Join Date: Jun 2007 Location: Within 78 miles of WDW... Posts: 307	Nice touch with the mirror reflection... Looks great! feels like it takes to long for the dove to come out and hit the luffa... like maybe take out half a second of the looking at the dove before having the liquid come out? you might understand what i mean.... but its great as is..
	Submit to Quotes

01-03-2008, 01:48 AM	#3
Isaac the one n only Join Date: Jan 2005 Location: Anaheim Posts: 1,236	Can't see it. __________________
	Submit to Quotes

01-03-2008, 07:59 AM	#4
innerSpaceman Kink of Swank Join Date: Jan 2005 Location: Inner Space Posts: 13,075	Sorry, it won't play for me either.
	Submit to Quotes

01-03-2008, 08:01 AM	#5
Snowflake lost in the fog Join Date: Jul 2005 Location: San Francisco Posts: 7,831	Me either cause I'm at work. Tonight, however, when it's too late! __________________ Be yourself; everyone else is already taken. - Oscar Wilde
	Submit to Quotes

01-03-2008, 08:10 AM	#6
Alex . Join Date: Feb 2005 Posts: 13,354	I hate to say it if it was performed just for that but the music doesn't seem to fit right, to me. It might just be that it is a bit too loud but it felt very male for a very feminine scene. And I agree that there's something just a tad off in the "applying soap to loofah bit. But otherwise a very good effort.
	Submit to Quotes

01-03-2008, 08:58 AM	#7
Gemini Cricket ... Join Date: Jan 2005 Posts: 13,244	A couple of things: The Dove bottle needs to be facing the camera. Flat. Not at an angle. We need to see all of the front of the bottle. Jenn's hair later on in the commercial needs to look better than the first shot. I think her hair looked better in the before-Dove section. The whole before and after thing... I like the shot at the end. But, and this isn't meaning to offend anyone, what is the actress doing in that last shot? It needs to be more clear. If she's using Dove and all is well, she should be lathering her shoulder or arms up and we should see it. Right now, it looks like she's... well... just rubbing herself. The music maybe should play up the whole Paris motif? Squeaky accordion music at first and then a more sensual Piaf-like sound towards the end? Is Jenn in Paris? It looks like it. The graphic next to Jenn in the shower with the Dove bottle should be smoother, again more sensual. I like the shower squeak at the beginning. I love the way the bathroom looked. I love Jenn. I think this is a cool commercial.
	Submit to Quotes

01-03-2008, 10:14 AM	#8
Cadaverous Pallor ohhhh baby Join Date: Jan 2005 Location: Parental Bliss Posts: 12,364	Heehee! I don't think I can have much perspective on this because my initial reaction is "that doesn't look like a commercial because that's ME!" Anyway, I'd agree with the above. Cut the squeezing scene a bit. I'd slow down the part where I'm washing my shoulders/neck, I'm moving too fast against the slow music. I also agree with Brad on the last shot - I was like, dude, what am I washing?? Did any of the rest of it look better? I know I tried to wash visibly (back and arms) but of course I have no idea what it looked like from your side. Is the pink bottle part of the stock footage? The fact that it doesn't match the ivory colored bottle we used is a kind of a shame. I wish my hair looked better, and I wish there was time for a reshoot! But all the angles are great, the dropping soap looked better than I imagined. I disagree with Alex on the music, I think it matches the theme of luxury very well. Can't wait for the second draft! __________________ The second star to the right shines in the night for you
	Submit to Quotes

01-03-2008, 10:21 AM	#9
Chernabog Biophage Join Date: Jan 2005 Location: The Moon Posts: 2,679	Hmmm that's odd, clicking on that link crashes firefox every time. Perhaps my quicktime isn't up to date? edit yup something about a "buffer overrun" in C++ when it tries to update Quicktime, I'll reinstall. The things I do for Dove. __________________ And they say back then our universe Was a coal black egg Until the god inside Burst out and from its shattered shell He made what became the world we know ~ Bjork (Cosmogony)
	Submit to Quotes