Soooooo......

[Alex]

So....it occurs to me.

You should get a bunch of fart ring tones for your phone and then every once in a while call yourself so it goes off and then answer the phone loudly. Sure, people will think you're weird for having fart ring tones but that's the price to pay for, after a while, just being able to let one loose in your cubicle so long as you say "Hello?" afterward.