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Old 05-13-2007, 10:21 AM   #1
Kevy Baby
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Bad Erotica (NSFW)
Someone forwarded this to me and it amused me greatly

Nerve.com's Bad Erotica Contest

The opening two paragraphs of the grand prize winner (hidden just in case someone missed the "Not Safe For Work" in the title - yeah, I know it doesn't make much difference Alex, but I did it anyways):

Spoiler:
She woke with the taste of his turgid penis on her lips. Even though he was gone, his juices and manhood lingered in her mind and on her cloying lips like Vaseline. The events of the previous night came racing back to her, clogging her mind with visions of ecstasy.
She had never known a man like Julio before. When he came and boldly sat next to her, the musky scent of his manliness turned her from tigress to gentle kitten. She belonged to him before his supple buttocks pressed aggressively against the tattered faux-leather covering of the barstool.
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Old 05-13-2007, 11:00 AM   #2
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Wow, that was amazingly bad.
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Old 05-13-2007, 11:36 AM   #3
CoasterMatt
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hahahaha!
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Old 05-13-2007, 01:19 PM   #4
Capt Jack
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ew
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Old 05-13-2007, 03:18 PM   #5
Betty
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Quote:
as his toothless mouth gummed her
Ew is an understatment!

( you simply must read it - majestic 7 fingers? lol... I don't want to spoil all the fun for you)
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Old 05-13-2007, 05:54 PM   #6
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If weren't already gay, those stories would turn me!
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Old 05-13-2007, 07:46 PM   #7
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I think a completely necessary element of bad erotica (or any kind of writing) is that the author intend that it be good.
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Old 05-13-2007, 08:20 PM   #8
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Is the word "lascivious" used often? That was a VERY popular word in "The Violated Model". (This gem was found by Chris on a tennis court in 1978.)
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Old 05-15-2007, 05:52 AM   #9
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Kevy Baby View Post
She belonged to him before his supple buttocks pressed aggressively against the tattered faux-leather covering of the barstool.[/spoiler]

Never press aggressively against tattered faux-leather furniture....
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Old 05-15-2007, 08:14 AM   #10
innerSpaceman
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And, completely negating the faux-safety effect of Kevy's spoiler tag, I cannot overestimate the hilarity effect of reading the first tagged line while looking at Kevy's current avatar:

Quote:
Originally Posted by Bad Erotica
She woke with the taste of his turgid penis on her lips. Even though he was gone, his juices and manhood lingered in her mind and on her cloying lips like Vaseline.
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