Help me edit this poem please

[tracilicious]

Originally Posted by 3894

See and I like it, especially the juxtaposition of the ending of life and the sexual act/potential beginning of life.

Thanks. Poetry is really not my strong point, but I really enjoy well written poetry, so I'd like to at least be proficient at it. Writing something with the intent of crafting it into something and having others critique it is pretty grueling though. Now I know why writers drink.

My suggestions are just suggestions. I'm thinking other LoTers should have a go, too.

Yes, please! I posted it here because we have such a diverse group of talented people. I want all the input I can get!