Help me edit this poem please

tracilicious · 02-11-2008, 08:15 AM

Thanks, Helen! Perfect punctuation! I think I could easily eliminate all commas and go totally enjambed but I'm really not sure where I want to go with this besides a total rewrite. (Which, of course, it needs. It's a first draft.) I really hate this poem.

3894 · 02-11-2008, 10:11 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by tracilicious

I really hate this poem.

See and I like it, especially the juxtaposition of the ending of life and the sexual act/potential beginning of life.

My suggestions are just suggestions. I'm thinking other LoTers should have a go, too.

tracilicious · 02-11-2008, 11:11 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by 3894

See and I like it, especially the juxtaposition of the ending of life and the sexual act/potential beginning of life.

Thanks. Poetry is really not my strong point, but I really enjoy well written poetry, so I'd like to at least be proficient at it. Writing something with the intent of crafting it into something and having others critique it is pretty grueling though. Now I know why writers drink.

Quote:

My suggestions are just suggestions. I'm thinking other LoTers should have a go, too.

Yes, please! I posted it here because we have such a diverse group of talented people. I want all the input I can get!

02-11-2008, 08:15 AM	#1
tracilicious avatar transition Join Date: Jan 2005 Location: in-between Posts: 2,487	Thanks, Helen! Perfect punctuation! I think I could easily eliminate all commas and go totally enjambed but I'm really not sure where I want to go with this besides a total rewrite. (Which, of course, it needs. It's a first draft.) I really hate this poem. __________________ And now Harry, let us step into the night and pursue that flighty temptress, adventure! - Albus Dumbledore
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