The Art of Moving On

[innerSpaceman]

Originally Posted by €uroMeinke

PS - I'm looking forward to some great dinner conversations when we're in Boston next month

I only wish a few more of the facetime conversations were as insightful and compassionate as the conversations typical of the LoT. Fun and freewheelingness in person seems to take a toll on talk.



We need more salons.

Originally Posted by €uroMeinke

that thee way you might make the greatest difference

I read that as three way.

[wendybeth]

GC- I think that people who still attend the church yet hold opinions that conflict with the church's stance on things are able to do so because they simply don't believe everything the church has taught them. They are able to operate in that 'grey area' you spoke of, and have figured out a way to reconcile the conflicting beliefs- namely, 'don't ask, don't tell'. They attend mass, do all the things that good Catholics do and keep their personal opinions to themselves. John Kerry, the Kennedys, etc, are all examples that we know of because their politics have required that they publically address these issues. They hem and haw and do the usual double-speak when asked about such things as abortion, divorce and that, yet they remain standing members of the church, so far as I know anyway. I think only minor players like us get kicked out.

You're a good person, GC- and an honest one. That's why this is hard for you. You are not a liar, and you won't be a hypocrite. So, start your own religion! I'll join.

[Ghoulish Delight]

Originally Posted by wendybeth

They hem and haw and do the usual double-speak when asked about such things as abortion, divorce and that, yet they remain standing members of the church, so far as I know anyway. I think only minor players like us get kicked out.

They could also be lucky enough to have found congregations that recognizes that "ideal" and "reality" are two different things and understand that what's important is to provide somewhere for individuals to foster their own relationship with God and the dogmatic stuff is secondary to that.

I've tried about 4 times to compose a response to this, and nothing's come out with quite the message I want.

My personal view is, we can't all be activists. Just as I know I could never be a surgeon because I doubt vomiting into my patients' open incisions will do much to improve their health, I know I could never join any sort of large idealistic cause because the stressful state it would leave me in would make me no good to anyone. I simply don't possess the ability to detatch to my day to day and commit all of my emotional energy towards something that large. A lot of people do, and God bless them. I'll leave that to those that are built for it.

So, like Chris, my focus is on figuring out what I can effect on a small scale. Lead by example, be a positive force in the lives of those around you. That's needed just as much as lobbyists and protestors.

I see no contradiction in having a moral stance against something while being able to "get over it and move on" should someone I know make a decission I consider "wrong". Of course, what "getting over it and moving on" entails is a sliding scale depending on the person and the decission. For someone I'm very close to, it would mean forgiving them and doing what I can to make sure from that point on, things are good. For someone I'm not so close to, it may mean I need to reevaluate how much contact I have with them. And the former can easily become the latter should their "wrong" decissions pile up.

In the end, it's an equation of positivity for me. As long as someone else's decissions don't force me to exceed a certain internally obvious threshold of ease in maintaining positive interactions with them, my focus is on positivity for the future, not judgement of the past. I try to do my best to not make things worse for myself, my friends, and my family. I will certainly not hesitate to let someone close to me know my opinions before they make a "wrong" decission (and maybe a little bit after...a little guilt never hurt anyone), but once they've made the decission for themself, I look to the future, helping them make the best of where they are, or removing myself from the situation.