Long John the Pirate

[Gemini Cricket]

< Arrr! My name is Long John the Pirate. I be a pirate.


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< I drink, I do.


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< This here be my wench, Germilda. She likes to roll her eyes at ya.


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I be hating her dress.


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< But she be great in the galley, she be.


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< That be correct, I said it. I be not liberated. I be a fu cking pirate, I be!


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< I have me a gnome mate.


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His name be Sam LaPooder. Nice fellow. Quiet.

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My best mate Arrrnaldo bought me my long johns, he did. Now we match.


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< We be holding hands in public. It makes him happy.


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Here be my friend named Fej. He likes to be snaping his fingarrrs.

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I have two cats. One likes me, the other not so much.

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< I like my mateys. They arrrr great. One be possessed. Can ye guess which one?


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I don't know what this is supposed to be.

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< Well, that be it. Come visit. Come see my pet flamingo, Flamenco.


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< Germilda won't like you. But I will.


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< Arrr, bitches. Arrr!