Addiction in America

[Ponine]

Originally Posted by Chernabog

Out of curiosity, did you work the steps (I mean all 12). Did you get a sponsor? Write out your 4th step? Make amends? Going to meetings is great and all, but it is only one part of the recovery picture. I don't mean that as an attack or anything, it's just that a LOT of people think it is BS initially (including yours truly). But seeing that it HAS worked for so many people allowed me to keep an open mind and to reserve judgment until actually doing the ENTIRE program. ("Half-measures availed us nothing.") I mean, one does not go to to a 12-step program for fun, there has to have been some behaviour that made you seek it out.... are you still exhibiting that behaviour? (Again, I'm just curious). If there wasn't any negative behaviour to begin with then maybe you didn't belong in there to begin with.

Of course it is more amorphous when it refers to one's relationship issues with people (in the Al-Anon program) as opposed to ones relationship issues with a drug. However, there is something to be said about letting go of the things which you cannot control, i.e. other people. Letting someone else's psychological or physical state suck you down with them is not healthy (that's my understanding of what Al-Anon tries to help).

What I'm hearing though is that it didn't work FOR YOU (if you indeed needed it to begin with.)

okay, maybe if I posted this with some more details.
KNow that I didnt particulary want to air this laundry, but for the sake of not confusing the issue I will.

Yes, I had a sponsor, yes, I did what I was told step wise.
I was "instructed" so attended S-anon by my family, which I did, for over a year.
To deal with the issues that were manifested on me by my fathers addiction to sex.
Now, mind you, I havent lived with him since I was eight.
And I was "instructed" to enter S-anon until I was 24, and living three states away.

I have no idea if I exhibited any behavior to warrant sending me. It was something my family wanted me to do.

But when you barely know about the addiction, and dont live near it, what was the point?

******
On the meth topic.
Yes, that is rampant here. Esp in my friends in the gay community. There was a high influx a while back as well, then I saw it die off personally, and now its back.
And I noticed that my drive to work is full of Meth advertising.

Interesting to me, in my circles the persons that have seemingly new addictions are people that have lost faith in their cocktails.

[Kevy Baby]

Originally Posted by Not Afraid

But, some people LIKE to stew in their shyt. It may be bad, but it is comfortable. And, co-dependent, alcoholic, addict, whatever - you have to get tired of where you are at and be willing to change. No one can help you if you're not willing to accept help.

It sounds like a tired old cliché, but somehow has to make the decision themselves that they want to get better - no can force anyone else into it. Sometimes the best you can do is watch painfully as someone destroys their life. I have watched it (though not with an addiction) and went quite a ways down a self destructive path myself before deciding to make a change (and will probably spend the rest of my life working on that change). But the individual needs to make the choice.

I oft post one of my favorite quotes: "Each day you get better or worse: it's your choice."



(Small clarification: I am NOT saying that one can get better simply by deciding to do so. Sometimes one needs a little help, sometimes a lot. But the decision to WANT to get better must from within.)

[Not Afraid]

Originally Posted by Kevy Baby

It sounds like a tired old cliché, but somehow has to make the decision themselves that they want to get better - no can force anyone else into it. Sometimes the best you can do is watch painfully as someone destroys their life. I have watched it (though not with an addiction) and went quite a ways down a self destructive path myself before deciding to make a change (and will probably spend the rest of my life working on that change). But the individual needs to make the choice.

I oft post one of my favorite quotes: "Each day you get better or worse: it's your choice."



(Small clarification: I am NOT saying that one can get better simply by deciding to do so. Sometimes one needs a little help, sometimes a lot. But the decision to WANT to get better must from within.)

The decision has to come from within. However, it certainly helps to know that there are options for help out there. I think that is the advantage of having court ordered AA a part of the sentence for a DUI. At least there is some exposure to where there is help available.

I've known quite a few people who have gotten sober as a result of a "nudge from the judge". But, there are always the people who are not done yet. As well as those who will never be done. Such is the difficulty of change.

I know for a fact that I used to sit in meetings and say "That won't happen to me". And, there were things that never DID happen to me. I never got a DUI. Yet........

There are a lot of "yets" that didn't happen, I could've kept digging my own hole, it was getting pretty deep and difficult to see out of, but I sure could've kept digging to see what other "treasures" I could've found. But, what for? For me, it wasn't about "hitting bottom" but about putting down the shovel.

[Not Afraid]

Originally Posted by Ponine

I have no idea if I exhibited any behavior to warrant sending me. It was something my family wanted me to do.

Well, if you don't WANT what they have to offer than the program won't do much good. YOU have to be willing - which usually means that you, yourself are tired of living with the results and effects of the behaviors of others. I don't know much about sex addiction, effects and treatment but I can imagine that. living with a sex addict, would skew how a person looks at and reacts to sex.

[Ponine]

Originally Posted by Not Afraid

I don't know much about sex addiction, effects and treatment but I can imagine that. living with a sex addict, would skew how a person looks at and reacts to sex.

True, assuming that you lived with them.
I did, for the first 7.5 years of my life. Before they had the addiction. never lived with them again.

[Chernabog]

Originally Posted by Ponine

True, assuming that you lived with them.
I did, for the first 7.5 years of my life. Before they had the addiction. never lived with them again.

Some people go to the meetings, finally look for similarities in people's testimony instead of differences, and come to a realization that they do indeed want and need help. (this happens sometimes with the "nudge from the judge" scenario... the legal system does not FORCE anyone to participate, only to attend a meeting and get their court card signed). AA may help an alcoholic achieve sobriety only if the person wants to get sober. It is said in AA that the ONLY requirement for membership is a desire to stop drinking.

"Working the program" will NOT help a non-addict. (Though being court-ordered to attend meetings may help open their eyes a little bit and allow them to stop some potentially destructive behaviour before it crosses the invisible line of addiction).

I'm gonna stop program-talk tho in this thread since I'm done with justifying or defending it. (Somehow I feel like I am on a gay-day thread, which only serves to make gay people feel less-than by having to justify certain things)

Anyway, drugs are bad, m'kay?

[Not Afraid]

Originally Posted by Chernabog

It is said in AA that the ONLY requirement for membership is a desire to stop drinking.

And denial is not a river in Egypt.

[Stan4dSteph]

I'll have to check out the article. I have had limited experience with addiction in my life, and I guess I'm thankful for that. However, I would think that having a support system such as AA would be much more effective than just trying to go it alone. Having people who have been there and understand is a powerful thing.

Slight derail, but does anyone else watch Intervention on A&E? There was a recent one with an alcoholic mom that was heartbreaking.

[Gn2Dlnd]

Originally Posted by Not Afraid

And denial is not a river in Egypt.

And Tipping is not just a city in China!

Don't forget to tip your server

[Kevy Baby]

Originally Posted by Gn2Dlnd

And Tipping is not just a city in China!

Don't forget to tip your server

And your cow