Pop at the Ugly Dog Show in San Diego

[Tref]

My father is hosting the Ugly Dog Show at the Del Mar Racetrack in San Diego this weekend. He'll be telling bad jokes and playing the ukelele with a a band. I am not suggesting anybody go, in truth, I don't know if I will be there myself; but the show does sually make the news -- and that is where all of you come in. If anybody sees anything about it on TV, post or write me. I'd be interested in seeing how it was presented, if my dad made the TV clip, etc.

He just phoned me from the I-5 near the Grapevine ... he is trying to come up with some dog jokes. Any aspiring joke writers on LoT? If so, this is your big day.

[SacTown Chronic]

Guy walks into a bar with his dog.

"Get that mutt outta here", yells the bartender.

"Sir", the man replies, "I assure you that he is no ordinary dog. If he can show you something amazing, will you let him stay?"

"Okay, but this better be good"

"Here we go", says the dog owner, "my Chunks can answer any question that is put to him"

So the man proceeds to demonstrate just how wonderful Chunks is.

"Chunks, tell the bartender what is on top of his wonderful establishment."

"Rrroof!" barks Chunks.

The bartender rolls his eyes "Give me a break, pal. I'll let your dog have one more chance to impress me then I'm throwing the both of you outta here."

"No problem. Chunks, who was the greatest New York Yankee of all time?"

"Rrruth!" says Chunks.

Of course the bartender snaps and throws both man and beast out on their asses.

Confused, Chunks looks at his master and asks, "Is the answer DiMaggio?"

[Eliza Hodgkins 1812]

Originally Posted by Tref

My father is hosting the Ugly Dog Show at the Del Mar Racetrack in San Diego this weekend. He'll be telling bad jokes and playing the ukelele with a a band. I am not suggesting anybody go, in truth, I don't know if I will be there myself; but the show does sually make the news -- and that is where all of you come in. If anybody sees anything about it on TV, post or write me. I'd be interested in seeing how it was presented, if my dad made the TV clip, etc.

He just phoned me from the I-5 near the Grapevine ... he is trying to come up with some dog jokes. Any aspiring joke writers on LoT? If so, this is your big day.

Awww, FIE. I was supposed to go to San Diego this weekend but am instead going next weekend. FIE!

[Tref]

Originally Posted by SacTown Chronic

My dog knows baseball. I took him to a trivia challenge last year. The judge asked him who was the greatest baseball player of all time.

"Rrruth!" said my dog.

We were summarily thrown out.

Shamed, the two of us drove home in silence.

Finally my dog turned to me and said, "Was the answer, Dimaggio?

Cut out the first nine lines and re-arrange the rest and you have something you there. I like it.

[mousepod]

A blind man walks into a store with his guide dog.
He gets to the center of the sales floor, grabs his dog by the tail and spins him over his head.
"Sir! Sir! Can I help you?!" shouts a surprised and concerned clerk.
"No thanks," the man replies, "Just looking around."

[Ponine]

Originally Posted by Eliza Hodgkins 1812

Awww, FIE. I was supposed to go to San Diego this weekend but am instead going next weekend. FIE!

FIE! You will be in San Diego weekend of Tiki meet, and I will be in Anaheim!

And... as the parent of a year old.. I give you...

Why did the poor dog chase his own tail?
He was trying to make both ends meet!

What do you get if you cross a sheepdog with a rose?
A collie-flower!

I know he knows more... I'll be in this thread after work again.

[Sheila]

I don't remember the joke (I know someone here must), but it ends with the dog walking into the bar and asking "are you the man that shot my paw"? Such a bad pun....

[Ghoulish Delight]

If anyone cares, it looks like Sportscenter has the Ugly Dog show in their top 10 tonight. And, of course, tonight's Sportscenter will be repeated about a gazillion times in the next 20 hours or so.

[Tref]

Originally Posted by Ghoulish Delight

If anyone cares, it looks like Sportscenter has the Ugly Dog show in their top 10 tonight. And, of course, tonight's Sportscenter will be repeated about a gazillion times in the next 20 hours or so.

If anyone cares?

I care, GD, which is why I started this thread. I am interested to see what press this events gets because my father was asked to host and play in the band. Do you understand? How inconsequential you believe it to be, makes little difference to me. Wait -- it makes no difference. Still, I appreciate the update & I'll pass the good news forward.

Just to update, I called in sick on Sunday and drove to Del Mal to watch my dad host the show. As I passed through Anahiem it occured to me, I had never driven past Disneyland before in my life! I must admit it was an odd feeling.

The Del Mar racetrack was beautiful. I love old Hollywood and the Del Mar racetrack was financed in part by one of the greats, Bing Crosby. The architecture was pure 1930s Hollywood and in many ways resembled the DCA Twilight Zone ride, complete with two towers (that I would later sneak into and attempt to climb!)

I arrived about an hour early. My dad was doing a soundcheck with the band and I didn't know anybody else, so I thought I would kill some time exploring the area. The main building was closed but not locked so I went inside and began to check the place out. The walls were adorned with photos from the past -- all of Bing. There was Bing riding a horse, Bing greeting the first guests to the park (just like the famous one of Walt, except these first guests are much older) Bing with Betty Grable, etc. I didn't know how much time I would have before I was spotted, so I walked fast and tried to look like I knew where I was going. I would tap each door handle to see which would open -- locked, locked, locked, un-locked ... and so forth. Then I would put a chair between the door so as to not to lock myself in! The wedged chairs also served as sort of a giant breadcrumb, so I would know how to get out. Most of the rooms were designed to host parties, but still each was was remarkably well preserved. I could tell because each room had a photo of Bing hanging out in that very room! Anyway, eventually I made my way to the restricted areas (locked, locked, locked ... unlocked) where Bing and his croonies would sit back, drink lemondade (?) and watch the races. Of course, there were no actual races going on, but I sat down in one of the chairs and pretended that there were.
"Hey Bing, nice set up, old boy! You got anything harder them lemonade?"

There was a phone and tried to think of somebody to call ("I am hanging out in Bing Crosbys private box!") But I couldn't think of anybody who would have been impressed. So after a few minutes of staring at the empty grounds, I turned back and made my way to the towers. At this point, I felt I was pushing my luck -- what would happen if I were caught? What if somebody moved one of those chairs? I sped up my pace a bit and climbed the stairs until I was one flight away from the very top. I went out onto the balcony and took a photo of the courtyard below, where my dad was still rehearsing (as proof of my adventures.) Then I began the final climb -- this time there was only one door separating me from where I needed to be. I turned the handle --- locked! I was so disappointed. I almost made it! Dumb locked door! What could I do? I thought about trying the old thieves trick, of taking a credit card, and paying a thief to open the door. I had the credit card, but, alas, no thief was available on such short notice.

Anyway, the show started and my dad went out and did a set of jokes my friend and I wrote for him, including, "I think my dog is seeing another leg," and "I read that dogs can understand up to five hundred words. I guess that's why my dog is always starting books but never finishing them."
And, "Every night when I get home I have a drink with my dog. I make a martini for myself and for him, I throw a lemon wedge into the toilet ... sometimes, I'll even salt the rim."

Hehe.

OK, they're pretty dumb, but Hey, whatdoyouwant? You think I do this for a living?

After the jokes, the band came out and they did three songs my dad had composed about ... dogs. They were as silly as the jokes, but the audience really went for him. But then, why not? Everybody there had one thing in common -- the love of dawgs.

Then the competition started. I worked the sidelines, writing whatever quips I could think of and passing them to my dad. It was fun, at first. It was sort of like instant Mojo. I write something down, he repeats it seconds later and the crowd responds! But he didn't really need me. Once he warmed up he pretty much just worked on instinct, so I just sat back and enjoyed the show.

When I got home last night I looked in the mirror and saw that I was completely sunburned. And I was supposed to have been home sick all day in bed! There was no way to pass this look off as "feeling flush" as I had those racoon eyes from wearing shades all day!

It was a good day. I am glad I went.

[wendybeth]

Hey, Tref- I would have been impressed! Bing is Spokane's favorite son, along with Mark Rypien, John Stockton and Ryan Sandberg. (Apologies if I mispelled any of those sports guys). Bing was the first, and most famous, of famous Spokane homeboys!