So, I'm wondering. - Page 5

AllyOops! · 03-10-2005, 08:35 PM

I, too, wonder so many of the same thoughts that you are all wondering as well!

I wonder why I live in a constant state of self fear and paranoia. Will I ever be good enough? I've been told I am my own worst enemy, and critic, and I believe that to be absolutely true. Why am I so self conscious? Will I ever have confidence in myself?

Why am I so bashful? It breaks my heart that people often mistake me for being "stuck-up" or "bitchy" when in fact I'm painfully shy. When I open up my mouth to speak, the words seem to lock themselves within the lump forming inside my throat. I freeze, not only around strangers, but even those that are my friends. So please know, if I seem quiet in person, or stay silent, it's not that I don't like or even love you. I'm just very shy.

Why am I trying to be everything to everybody? I jump through every hoop held out for me, like a desperate circus poodle. Why, more then anything, am I living my life for everybody but me? why did it take me so long to realize that epiphany? Why did it take so long for me to grow up? My life is much like an idle car purring in the driveway. Waiting for its passenger, or in this case, its driver, to finally come outside and take the wheel.

I suppose I am asking myself all of these tough questions because I am experiencing a colossal transition lately. A life changing, yet wonderfully fullfilling transition. I am preparing to move, and to a new city. It means embarking on not only a brand new journey, but a whole new life! As excited as I am, I am having lots of little fears. Will I acclamate to my new surroundings? Will I do well? Will I make everybody I love proud? My family? My friends? I hope with all of my heart I have their support, for I really need it. I know deep inside of my heart how very worth it this is. For once, I am doing what I have always wanted, and needed to do.

Because two things are for certain without asking myself why. One, anything worth having is worth working for. Nothing good comes easy, and God never closes a door without opening a window. Secondly, pleasing people and making them happy matters to me more then anything. However, I guess I need to realize that I, too, am part of the "people" and that maybe I need to please me and make me happy. In doing so, I think that might make my loved ones really, really happy. Here's hoping!

Cadaverous Pallor · 03-10-2005, 08:24 PM

I wonder about eating beans. And George Wendt. And George Wendt eating beans.

€uroMeinke · 03-10-2005, 10:26 PM

I wonder why people feel compelled to answer questions

Cadaverous Pallor · 03-11-2005, 10:32 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by €uroMeinke

I wonder why people feel compelled to answer questions

Because people get bored at the slow branch on Thursdays

Name · 03-10-2005, 10:35 PM

I wonder why?

BarTopDancer · 03-10-2005, 10:50 PM

Why ask why.

lizziebith · 03-10-2005, 10:52 PM

I wonder if tonight will be the night I finally sleep. I'm seeing trails. Some of you know what I mean...

wendybeth · 03-10-2005, 11:08 PM

I'm wondering why gorgeous, articulate Ally is so shy? I wonder if I will think she's a meanie if I ever have the good fortune to meet her IRL?

I wonder about Eliza's olfactory processes.

I wonder if all men think their urine doesn't smell? Because it does, really.

I wonder about Sac Town's.....Oh, hell- I flat out just wonder about him, sometimes.

I wonder what on earth I ever did to get to inhabit the same space as all of you wonderfully crazy, talented, and very fun people.

Oh, yeah- I also wonder just when in the hell my damn tax refund will get here?

Name · 03-10-2005, 11:04 PM

try bud dry

Bornieo: Fully Loaded · 03-11-2005, 12:40 AM

03-10-2005, 08:35 PM	#1
AllyOops! It's Peanut Butter Jelly Time!!! Join Date: Jan 2005 Location: Introspection Intersection Posts: 1,207	I, too, wonder so many of the same thoughts that you are all wondering as well! I wonder why I live in a constant state of self fear and paranoia. Will I ever be good enough? I've been told I am my own worst enemy, and critic, and I believe that to be absolutely true. Why am I so self conscious? Will I ever have confidence in myself? Why am I so bashful? It breaks my heart that people often mistake me for being "stuck-up" or "bitchy" when in fact I'm painfully shy. When I open up my mouth to speak, the words seem to lock themselves within the lump forming inside my throat. I freeze, not only around strangers, but even those that are my friends. So please know, if I seem quiet in person, or stay silent, it's not that I don't like or even love you. I'm just very shy. Why am I trying to be everything to everybody? I jump through every hoop held out for me, like a desperate circus poodle. Why, more then anything, am I living my life for everybody but me? why did it take me so long to realize that epiphany? Why did it take so long for me to grow up? My life is much like an idle car purring in the driveway. Waiting for its passenger, or in this case, its driver, to finally come outside and take the wheel. I suppose I am asking myself all of these tough questions because I am experiencing a colossal transition lately. A life changing, yet wonderfully fullfilling transition. I am preparing to move, and to a new city. It means embarking on not only a brand new journey, but a whole new life! As excited as I am, I am having lots of little fears. Will I acclamate to my new surroundings? Will I do well? Will I make everybody I love proud? My family? My friends? I hope with all of my heart I have their support, for I really need it. I know deep inside of my heart how very worth it this is. For once, I am doing what I have always wanted, and needed to do. Because two things are for certain without asking myself why. One, anything worth having is worth working for. Nothing good comes easy, and God never closes a door without opening a window. Secondly, pleasing people and making them happy matters to me more then anything. However, I guess I need to realize that I, too, am part of the "people" and that maybe I need to please me and make me happy. In doing so, I think that might make my loved ones really, really happy. Here's hoping!
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03-10-2005, 08:24 PM	#2
Cadaverous Pallor ohhhh baby Join Date: Jan 2005 Location: Parental Bliss Posts: 12,364	I wonder about eating beans. And George Wendt. And George Wendt eating beans. __________________ The second star to the right shines in the night for you
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03-10-2005, 10:26 PM	#3
€uroMeinke L'Hédoniste Join Date: Jan 2005 Location: A.S.C.O.T. Posts: 8,671	I wonder why people feel compelled to answer questions __________________ I would believe only in a God that knows how to Dance. Friedrich Nietzsche
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03-10-2005, 10:35 PM	#5
Name Title Join Date: Jan 2005 Location: here Posts: 779	I wonder why? __________________ Signature
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03-10-2005, 10:50 PM	#6
BarTopDancer Prepping... Join Date: Jan 2005 Location: Here, there, everywhere Posts: 11,405	Why ask why. __________________ Spork is the new MacGyver Postcards From My Edge
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03-10-2005, 10:52 PM	#7
lizziebith Wishing these titles could be longe Join Date: Jan 2005 Location: Pearblossom CA Posts: 984	I wonder if tonight will be the night I finally sleep. I'm seeing trails. Some of you know what I mean... __________________ $ DO \|\| !$ DO ; TRY TRY: COMMAND NOT FOUND
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03-10-2005, 11:08 PM	#8
wendybeth Nevermind Join Date: Jan 2005 Posts: 7,847	I'm wondering why gorgeous, articulate Ally is so shy? I wonder if I will think she's a meanie if I ever have the good fortune to meet her IRL? I wonder about Eliza's olfactory processes. I wonder if all men think their urine doesn't smell? Because it does, really. I wonder about Sac Town's.....Oh, hell- I flat out just wonder about him, sometimes. I wonder what on earth I ever did to get to inhabit the same space as all of you wonderfully crazy, talented, and very fun people. Oh, yeah- I also wonder just when in the hell my damn tax refund will get here? __________________
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03-10-2005, 11:04 PM	#9
Name Title Join Date: Jan 2005 Location: here Posts: 779	try bud dry __________________ Signature
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03-11-2005, 12:40 AM	#10
Bornieo: Fully Loaded Lego Join Date: Jan 2005 Location: Disneyland, USA Posts: 3,704
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