*sigh* teenagers

[Nephythys]

Originally Posted by tracilicious

Honestly? I think you might be overreacting. Sexuality is a very normal part of being human. Even though legally he is still a minor, he already has adult sexual urges. I think by forbidding it you might add an element of shame that our culture could really do without.

I understand that you might like him to be more discreet. Though, in that situation I think I would want to do some soul searching as to what was making me uncomfortable. My kids coming into their own (no pun intended)? Shame my parents downloaded onto me? Concerns for safety/risk? Is it that he isn't married/my own views of how sex "should" be?

How would you feel about him having sex in your house if he were 20 and visiting home with his girlfriend? Why is it different because he is two years younger and living at home?

I think that Kevy was right in saying once sex has started it isn't going to stop. Taking an authoritarian stance and forbidding it is only going to promote sneaking around. I think I would want honest communication. Let him know that he isn't wrong, the desire for sex at his age is completely normal, and have an open talk about the risks and how best to avoid them.

I have not forbidden sex- but I can certainly forbid it in my house if I am not comfortable with it- especially with the younger kids. In fact I said explicitly that I do not want lies and sneaking around- but again- it's my home and if I want him to be more discreet and certainly not do such things when we are home- I can ask that.

So far the discussion has been about risks etc- very open- but today tense and unpleasant.

Nothing about me is authoritarian-

[RStar]

{{{{{{{Nephythys}}}}}}}



I know what you are going through. Hang in there.




~Bob

[wendybeth]

I recommend tequila. I plan on having a full bar when Tori hits that age. Geeesh, the kid has had crushes on boys since kindergarten! Actually, I think you really are handling it well and I commend you- this is a tough one.

[tracilicious]

Originally Posted by Nephythys

I have not forbidden sex- but I can certainly forbid it in my house if I am not comfortable with it- especially with the younger kids.

But why are you not comfortable with it?

[Nephythys]

Originally Posted by tracilicious

But why are you not comfortable with it?

Because I, as his mother, have no desire to hear the moans, thrashing and bed springs going a mile a minute over my head when I am trying to do things in my home. I sure as hell would not want his brothers and sister to hear such things-

I mean come on- do kids appreciate listening to their parents?

This isn't sharing time-it's quiet and discreet and if they can not do that then they won't do it anywhere near my house.

[3894]

Originally Posted by Nephythys

This isn't sharing time-it's quiet and discreet and if they can not do that then they won't do it anywhere near my house.

I've been thinking a lot about this, Nephythys. It's a tough situation and I think you deserve for being really clear with your son.

This is only how I would see it with my two girls. They know very well how much noise carries in our house. They know that they need to whisper upstairs about who "borrowed" whose clothes and didn't return them, if they don't want mom to hear. I would definitely think that if I overheard one of them having sex, that daughter was testing me, maybe even "asking" me to rise to the occasion and set/reaffirm the boundaries appropriate for our family.