Why Did I Refuse This Random Act of Kindness?

[Gemini Cricket]

I don't think it was rude at all.
If Helen had said, "Listen here, fella. You can take your drink and sit on it." THAT would have been rude...

Once, in Monterey, I was filling up gas in Sand City. A guy pulled up to my car and opened his trunk. In the back of the trunk, there was a huge plasma screen TV.
"Here, take it." He said.
"Excuse me?"
"It's my boss's, I quit today. I want you to have it because I hate my boss."
For a split second I saw myself loading it into my trunk. But the other side of me thought better. It wasn't mine to have. I didn't buy it myself... It wouldn't feel right to me. So I told him, "No, thanks."
He seemed surprised and pissed off, but I don't regret that. Besides, it could have been some sort of police sting or something....

[Gemini Cricket]

Originally Posted by Not Afraid

What I do react to is solicitors coming to my door and people camped outside stores asking for donations. Those are the ones I tend to ignore or walk away from. That has to do more with my conception of "MY" space and an invasion thereof. Perhaps Helen feels the same way about Starbucks.

Ah, but I do remember a lady coming by the Not Afraid manor with a case full of handmade jewelry. I do believe a tall redhead bought something...

[Not Afraid]

I must've been in a especially good mood that day.

[Gemini Cricket]

Originally Posted by Not Afraid

I must've been in a especially good mood that day.

I must say, she was really sweet. Right after that that real estate lady came by and tried to sell me a house in LB, remember?

[Not Afraid]

I should have just had a party that day! I could have invited both the Baptists and JWs in for a religious discussion, too.

[Alex]

Originally Posted by Gemini Cricket

Or if Helen had taken the drink maybe something bad might have happened. So in the grand scheme of things, she totally did the right thing. What if she had taken the drink and got diarreah? It would be a vastly different thread.

It would only be different if the diarrhea was somehow caused by who paid for it.

The leading with the personal questions things is such a standard sales trick that I would just immediately shut down on the person no matter their ultimate intent. If you start with "what kind of car do you drive," "do you go to basketball games," "are you registered to vote in California," "what kind of coffee will you be having" are all immediate signs to me that the person wants something from me so I have no problem with shutting them down and then tuning them out.

[Strangler Lewis]

Originally Posted by Cadaverous Pallor

You never hear about "men's intuition", as if there's no such thing . . ..)

Nonsense: "She wants me. I can tell."

Originally Posted by Cadaverous Pallor

Remember this guy? I would have totally done something like that.

Skillet.

[wendybeth]

Originally Posted by Gemini Cricket

I don't think it was rude at all.
If Helen had said, "Listen here, fella. You can take your drink and sit on it." THAT would have been rude...

Once, in Monterey, I was filling up gas in Sand City. A guy pulled up to my car and opened his trunk. In the back of the trunk, there was a huge plasma screen TV.
"Here, take it." He said.
"Excuse me?"
"It's my boss's, I quit today. I want you to have it because I hate my boss."
For a split second I saw myself loading it into my trunk. But the other side of me thought better. It wasn't mine to have. I didn't buy it myself... It wouldn't feel right to me. So I told him, "No, thanks."
He seemed surprised and pissed off, but I don't regret that. Besides, it could have been some sort of police sting or something....

Lol! See, what first flashed through my head was that the kid was probably using someone else's card- be it an ex-beau, mom or dad's, or even stolen. Jaded, perhaps, but there you have it. Helen is a mom, and maybe her mom spidey sensors went off. (This kid is being fiscally irresponsible!)

[Kevy Baby]

Originally Posted by Gemini Cricket

Or if Helen had taken the drink maybe something bad might have happened. So in the grand scheme of things, she totally did the right thing. What if she had taken the drink and got diarreah? It would be a vastly different thread.

First off, learn how to spell diarrhea

Seriously though, the difference in this case is that they were in line to make a purchase - he wasn't making the drink, just offering to pay for it.

Originally Posted by Not Afraid

There are certain situations where I react as Helen did, but I don't think I would react that way in that particular situation. What I do react to is solicitors coming to my door and people camped outside stores asking for donations. Those are the ones I tend to ignore or walk away from. That has to do more with my conception of "MY" space and an invasion thereof. Perhaps Helen feels the same way about Starbucks.

Originally Posted by wendybeth

Helen posted this thread because she couldn't figure out why she had the response she did, and I think we'd all agree it was very unlike her. If it was common practice, she wouldn't have thought twice and certainly wouldn't be asking our opinion. I think it's not very helpful to point out the rather obvious 'that's a bit rude'- she knows that, she want so to understand why she did it. I think there are so many variables that could be involved that she may never really know, but I'm impressed that she's trying to figure it out.

I am not sure how "rude" the inquiry was. The words don't seem that offensive, but I am not sure of the approach.

Overall, I think we, as a society, are little too protective. I feel as though we should open up a little more to one another.

I have been trying to figure out to respond to Helen's OP. I keep thinking that I am disappointed (generally speaking) that a simple "no thank you" was not used here. I do think that leaving the establishment was a bit much (unless it was simply out of personal embarrassment). Without being there, I suspect that the worst thing the gentleman was engaging in not the smoothest marketing. Optimistically, I want to believe he was trying to make the world a better place.

I have been known to pay for people's meals at a restaurant. I remember Susan and I having an engaging conversation with the people at the next table one evening several years ago. They were there celebrating their anniversary. I was so touched by their story and their demeanor, that on our way out (we were seated and consequently finished before they did), we paid their dinner tab. We did it simply because we thought it would be an unexpected gesture that would (hopefully) make the world a better place.

[Kevy Baby]

Originally Posted by Alex

The leading with the personal questions things is such a standard sales trick that I would just immediately shut down on the person no matter their ultimate intent. If you start with "what kind of car do you drive," "do you go to basketball games," "are you registered to vote in California," "what kind of coffee will you be having" are all immediate signs to me that the person wants something from me so I have no problem with shutting them down and then tuning them out.

I wonder how many interesting conversations that you have missed out on because of this. Sure, a lot of them were probably sales pitches, but not all of them may have been.