Question for gay men

[Alex]

I find many Brits attractive (thanks to the keen 70s Robin Hood. A fox indeed.) I had a long history of finding gay men attractive (due, in part, to my first crush and childhood imaginary friend, Richard Simmons)

I find this interesting. So if you don't know a person is British or gay, do they suddenly become more attractive once you learn?

I notice that of all of the "attractive" indicators you give none of them really have anything to do with appearance (or don't have reliable appearance elements).

This is something I talk about all the time with Lani. I have two very different sets of "attractive" criteria. If I'm just looking at a stranger from across the room then it is all about shallow physical characteristics. I like tall, Asian, red head, breasts a bit on the large side, mature looking, etc. That is most pleasing to just look at (obviously, not common to find in a single package).

And those criteria have almost nothing to do with being a person I'd want to date, marry, hang out with, etc.

[LSPoorEeyorick]

Originally Posted by Alex

I find this interesting. So if you don't know a person is British or gay, do they suddenly become more attractive once you learn?

I notice that of all of the "attractive" indicators you give none of them really have anything to do with appearance (or don't have reliable appearance elements).

This is something I talk about all the time with Lani. I have two very different sets of "attractive" criteria. If I'm just looking at a stranger from across the room then it is all about shallow physical characteristics. I like tall, Asian, red head, breasts a bit on the large side, mature looking, etc. That is most pleasing to just look at (obviously, not common to find in a single package).

And those criteria have almost nothing to do with being a person I'd want to date, marry, hang out with, etc.

I find it an interesting topic, too.

You're right... my indicators are mostly not visual. I'm strongly kinesthetic, I think, in my various attractions. Images of pretty people kind of leave me cold - the same with seeing someone across the room. It's been pretty rare that I've noticed someone walking down the street, for instance, and found them attractive. Frankly, I'd notice a (what I find) beautiful woman across the room before a man. But the way a man speaks, how intensely, how passionately, how intelligently... or the way he makes me feel (or how he would make me feel if I were, say, part of the movie action)...

I suppose if I had to specify the physical qualities I'm attracted to, I... I guess I'd say... handsome but not a classical way? Not particularly in shape? I've always preferred the not-at-all-muscle-bound thin or the not-at-all-thin. I have trouble qualifying it, because basically, until I interact with someone (or, at times, when they're interacting on screen, or are interviewed, eetc) I kind of feel nothing about them.

My attraction to gay men in my youth was probably about the warm way that the wonderful gay men in my life treated me, our shared interests (often artistic in nature) and the intellectual discussions we enjoyed. Perhaps, to an extent, their impeccable grooming.

My attraction to brits may be that they come across as noble, or sensitive, or intelligent. Or it may just be the accent.

My attraction to geeks is, in part, more physical. If that makes sense, which I'm not sure it does, but maybe if Brad Pitt lost some muscle tone, threw on a sweater vest and started wearing glasses, I'd find him more attractive. Glasses are hot.

I wonder if all of this stems back to personal observations about sex? I've dated some "pretty boys," but they were never much in the sack; too interested in themselves, imagining that their bodies were all they needed for me to have an orgasm. The geeks I've dated (ooh, and the one I married especially) on the other hand, have been much more interesting sexually. Much more willing to be playful, to be adventurous with foreplay, to make me laugh.

I can say with all honesty that the most I was ever turned on was as a result of doing artistic work with my husband. The epitome of what I find compelling: a meld of the intellectualism, creativity and passion that bled over into the bedroom like melting butter.

And that was probably more than you ever wanted to know about me. Ah well. There it is.

[blueerica]

Hehe... I have a personal story about Richard Simmons that makes me smile to this day, but it's better told than written, so perhaps I'll remember it another day.

I think all bodies can be beautiful, it's about finding the lines and the curvatures. I spent the better part of the time I was in California doing 'Life Art' with nudes of both genders and all shapes and sizes. Sometimes I think it desensitized me from a genitalia-specific awe, to an appreciation for things like shoulders, necks, even armpits... yes they can be beautiful, too. And being able to commit it to paper, or print, or film - that's where my fascination lies.

I have stacks of good stuff and crap, and it's dawned on me that some of it needed to be better protected before I left. Perhaps on my next visit home.

[blueerica]

I think actual attractions to persons, rather than body parts, lies more in the personality, at least for a majority of women. Looks certainly play a part, and throughout our lives we memorize our own versions of what a comedian looks like, what a family guy looks like, what a nerdy girl looks like, who's bookish... who's an a$$hole... and that becomes a part of the internal conversation that goes on when first appraising someone.

I can honestly say that J is the comedian, who has just enough a$$hole to keep me interested, but is the kind of guy who likes dogs and cats. Had I looked at him more closely the first time, I might have saw that, but I just saw the comedian. And that was good enough for me.

Now, back to boobies...? I like breasts...

[BarTopDancer]

Viggo outside of Aragon is not attractive to me. As Aragon he has long hair and is scruffy. It's odd that I find him attractive as Aragorn because I prefer short hair and clean shaven. Patrick Dempsey over Brad Pitt any day. Josh Holloway is smokin hot too.

Physically I prefer tall, short dark hair, "average build". And anyone who knows me knows I'm a sucker for a southern accent.

I can appriciate a beautiful woman and a nice set of boobs even though they do nothing for me.

[Ghoulish Delight]

Getting back to the topic of the OP...

Boobies!

You know, I am of course a fan of boobies, but I'm not much of a boob man. I'm more of a total package kinda guy, and honestly anything over a C cup is approaching the "too big for my taste" range. But in general, as long as they aren't distractingly bad boobs, they're not particularly high on my list of qualifications for a visually attractive woman.

[blueerica]

Interesting perspective on it, JW... I guess it's my (until now) unspoken impression of other people's 'stigma.'

[JWBear]

I just want to make it clear that I absolutly do not agree with the world view I outlined above. But many many people still do think that way, even if they do not realize it.

[innerSpaceman]

No, that's a very interesting take on why the stigma has arisen historically .. which seems to me a partial source of the continuing problem.


Kevy, i think an exclusively male term for homosexual is FAGGOT.

Or is that slang??

[Pirate Bill]

In honor of this boobilicous thread:



And since straight men are also chiming in...

I love boobies too (I'm sure that comes as no surprise). But I too don't really consider myself a "boob man." I'm more of a "face man." And by that I mean the face can make or break the whole package. But I like boobies of all shapes and sizes. From Milla Jovovich to Dolly Parton (as long as they don't get dangerously large though). Proportion does help aesthetics but I don't get really picky.

And yes, I was breast fed... just in case you're psychoanalyzing me. And I do like watching women breastfeed. But to me there's nothing sexual about it. I just think it's awesome and really sweet.