Body Image...

LSPoorEeyorick · 02-08-2008, 09:30 PM

Heh, heh, I'm taking a break from writing something that makes manifest of my own thoughts about food right now - which, granted, is not what you were talking about. But in terms of my body image, it's integral.

It used to be 6 days out of 7 that I stepped out the door feeling confident. Or, at least seeming confident. I don't really know, anymore, how much of it is a mental construct and how much is honest confidence.

Of late - following a minor but noticeable (to me, anyway) weight gain that I've definitely been trying to combat (heh, I use the word combat because that's exactly the way I feel sometimes and again, this really relates to my current creative endeavor) I find myself not generally feeling as attractive as I was before. I don't know quite why; it's not so big a weight gain, particularly since I was overweight to begin with. I fit all of my clothes. Maybe it was because I was exactly the same size and shape for enough years that finding myself to be not exactly myself-shaped is a shock.

I have the bonus of having someone who really appreciates me, who is attracted to me despite what is probably a spare 5 pounds on top of a spare 150 pounds. I have the bonus, I'd like to think, of being smart and sometimes interesting. Nevertheless, of late I don't find my physical self quite as attractive as once I did. I don't even have the merit of being a rectangle with boobs. I am just several spheres. You know - oh, wait, you were not at the screenplay read-through, so you don't know - that some days, all I can see in the mirror is a bulbous frog face.

It's not every day - and even when it is, sometimes I just laugh in the face of frogdom, lovingly. But, you know, I embrace that I am who I am, I take responsibility, and I do what I can to take care of my health - which is chiefly my concern in this process. Still, I will admit that these new pounds are, weirdly, making it harder for me to own the room - as much as I ever do.

By the way, Erica, I think you're lovely and I'd never describe you as rectangular. And what I'm trying to say here is that we all have days that are less than confident. And we all deserve to have more, whatever it takes. I'm pleased with "How to Look Good Naked," too - for what it may do for the women on the show, and for the women watching it, too.

Gemini Cricket · 02-08-2008, 09:47 PM

Ha. I just posted about this in another thread.
My older sister has always had a terrible opinion of herself and what she looks like. It's really sad. As far back as I can remember, she's hated the way she looked. She was totally flat chested and didn't have big breasts like my mom. So suddenly one day she gets implants. She goes from a A to a D overnight.
I don't know why it bugs me so much, but it does. She looked fine before.
Now she's losing a lot of weight. She thinks she's too fat. She's 90 lbs. Well, she's also 5'0". I wish there was something I could say to improve her self-esteem, but no one can do that for anyone else.

02-08-2008, 09:30 PM	#1
LSPoorEeyorick scribblin' Join Date: Jan 2005 Location: in the moment Posts: 3,872	Heh, heh, I'm taking a break from writing something that makes manifest of my own thoughts about food right now - which, granted, is not what you were talking about. But in terms of my body image, it's integral. It used to be 6 days out of 7 that I stepped out the door feeling confident. Or, at least seeming confident. I don't really know, anymore, how much of it is a mental construct and how much is honest confidence. Of late - following a minor but noticeable (to me, anyway) weight gain that I've definitely been trying to combat (heh, I use the word combat because that's exactly the way I feel sometimes and again, this really relates to my current creative endeavor) I find myself not generally feeling as attractive as I was before. I don't know quite why; it's not so big a weight gain, particularly since I was overweight to begin with. I fit all of my clothes. Maybe it was because I was exactly the same size and shape for enough years that finding myself to be not exactly myself-shaped is a shock. I have the bonus of having someone who really appreciates me, who is attracted to me despite what is probably a spare 5 pounds on top of a spare 150 pounds. I have the bonus, I'd like to think, of being smart and sometimes interesting. Nevertheless, of late I don't find my physical self quite as attractive as once I did. I don't even have the merit of being a rectangle with boobs. I am just several spheres. You know - oh, wait, you were not at the screenplay read-through, so you don't know - that some days, all I can see in the mirror is a bulbous frog face. It's not every day - and even when it is, sometimes I just laugh in the face of frogdom, lovingly. But, you know, I embrace that I am who I am, I take responsibility, and I do what I can to take care of my health - which is chiefly my concern in this process. Still, I will admit that these new pounds are, weirdly, making it harder for me to own the room - as much as I ever do. By the way, Erica, I think you're lovely and I'd never describe you as rectangular. And what I'm trying to say here is that we all have days that are less than confident. And we all deserve to have more, whatever it takes. I'm pleased with "How to Look Good Naked," too - for what it may do for the women on the show, and for the women watching it, too.
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02-08-2008, 09:47 PM	#2
Gemini Cricket ... Join Date: Jan 2005 Posts: 13,244	Ha. I just posted about this in another thread. My older sister has always had a terrible opinion of herself and what she looks like. It's really sad. As far back as I can remember, she's hated the way she looked. She was totally flat chested and didn't have big breasts like my mom. So suddenly one day she gets implants. She goes from a A to a D overnight. I don't know why it bugs me so much, but it does. She looked fine before. Now she's losing a lot of weight. She thinks she's too fat. She's 90 lbs. Well, she's also 5'0". I wish there was something I could say to improve her self-esteem, but no one can do that for anyone else.
	Submit to Quotes