The Words You Say (almost) Everyday

LSPoorEeyorick · 04-18-2005, 09:23 AM

Can you put the snooze on?

Good morning. (Kiss.) Go back to sleep!

How are you feeling, Mom?

Sorry I'm late!

Is it Large Group or Small Group? What is the external claim number?

How was your day? I missed you! (Said to either A or T, depending on where I am that evening.)

Oh, no. I spilled again.

No, (Tesser/Dorothy) you can't go outside.

(Wembley/Lillian)... c'mere! C'mere! (Pets sofa.) C'mere!

Indeed.

What did I miss? Ohh, I drooled on you again.

Love you.

MerryPrankster · 04-18-2005, 10:10 AM

Good morning, ______! (Whatever name I'm currently calling my husband. Lately it's been Jodie the Pig from The Amityville Horror because he burned his eyeballs a fiery red. These are names of affection. We have a warped sense of humor.)

Do you have any conference calls today?

What time are you going to go running?

What's your schedule tomorrow?

Yeah, we have to start eating a lot healthier.

Another unknown caller/blocked call...I'm not answering it.

Look at this spider!

Get that snowboard out of the house!

Hello...yeah, okay. But I really need to get some projects done around the house today.

It's cold in here.

Is it spring yet?

Wilbur must be hungry. (the real pig next door)

Hello pretty girl....you're the smartest pup in the whole wide world! (to the neighbor's dog)

What's that smell? (I have a waaay too sensitve sense of smell)

Holy moly, Holy cow or Holy crap!

What should we have for dinner?

Please.....thank you.

Is this clean or dirty? (picking up a piece of clothing)

Turn that down...you must be deaf.

I love you.

Good night, ______.

SzczerbiakManiac · 04-18-2005, 10:31 AM

Me: Good afternoon, <my company name> technical support
Caller: Is this Walker Beurge Ford?
Me: No, this is <my company name>, you have the wrong number.
Caller: This isn't the Service Department?
Me: No, this is <my company name>, you have the wrong number.
Caller: Can you transfer me?
Me: No, this is <my company name>, you have the wrong number.

Hello, lover! (said every time my pooter boots up to the portrait of Wally that graces my desktop)

No onions, no tomatoes (to the person taking my sandwich order; 20% of the time there will be onions, tomatoes, or both when I bite into it)

Me: Good afternoon, <my company name> technical support
Caller: Is this John?
Me: No, I'm <my real name>.
Caller: Oh, I get you two confused all the time.
(If you were in the room with John and I, you would never in a million years think we sounded alike. But on the phone, folks think we're clones.

)

Me: Good afternoon, <my company name> technical support
Caller: When I try to run a report, it says "Unable to launch external report generator".
Me: <walks them through altering their Excel security levels>
(Our software utilizes Excel macros to generate reports. It's a very simple procedure outlined and highlighted in bold on the first page of our installation instructions.)

Me: Good afternoon, <my company name>
Caller: Hi, it's Vlad (our president and lead programmer), is George there?
Me: Just a moment <transfers call to George>
This wouldn't be an issue were it not for the following facts:

These two communicate via IM all day long
Vlad works from home
If Vlad IM'd George and said "call me", George wouldn't have to go through an operator

04-18-2005, 09:23 AM	#1
LSPoorEeyorick scribblin' Join Date: Jan 2005 Location: in the moment Posts: 3,872	Can you put the snooze on? Good morning. (Kiss.) Go back to sleep! How are you feeling, Mom? Sorry I'm late! Is it Large Group or Small Group? What is the external claim number? How was your day? I missed you! (Said to either A or T, depending on where I am that evening.) Oh, no. I spilled again. No, (Tesser/Dorothy) you can't go outside. (Wembley/Lillian)... c'mere! C'mere! (Pets sofa.) C'mere! Indeed. What did I miss? Ohh, I drooled on you again. Love you.
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04-18-2005, 10:10 AM	#2
MerryPrankster Swanky Panky! Join Date: Jan 2005 Location: Hell's Kitchen Posts: 541	Good morning, ______! (Whatever name I'm currently calling my husband. Lately it's been Jodie the Pig from The Amityville Horror because he burned his eyeballs a fiery red. These are names of affection. We have a warped sense of humor.) Do you have any conference calls today? What time are you going to go running? What's your schedule tomorrow? Yeah, we have to start eating a lot healthier. Another unknown caller/blocked call...I'm not answering it. Look at this spider! Get that snowboard out of the house! Hello...yeah, okay. But I really need to get some projects done around the house today. It's cold in here. Is it spring yet? Wilbur must be hungry. (the real pig next door) Hello pretty girl....you're the smartest pup in the whole wide world! (to the neighbor's dog) What's that smell? (I have a waaay too sensitve sense of smell) Holy moly, Holy cow or Holy crap! What should we have for dinner? Please.....thank you. Is this clean or dirty? (picking up a piece of clothing) Turn that down...you must be deaf. I love you. Good night, ______. __________________ My advice to the women of America is to raise more hell and fewer dahlias. ~~ William Allen White Last edited by MerryPrankster : 04-18-2005 at 10:20 AM.
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04-18-2005, 10:31 AM	#3
SzczerbiakManiac "ZER-bee-ak" Join Date: Jan 2005 Posts: 4,409	Me: Good afternoon, <my company name> technical support Caller: Is this Walker Beurge Ford? Me: No, this is <my company name>, you have the wrong number. Caller: This isn't the Service Department? Me: No, this is <my company name>, you have the wrong number. Caller: Can you transfer me? Me: No, this is <my company name>, you have the wrong number. Hello, lover! (said every time my pooter boots up to the portrait of Wally that graces my desktop) No onions, no tomatoes (to the person taking my sandwich order; 20% of the time there will be onions, tomatoes, or both when I bite into it) Me: Good afternoon, <my company name> technical support Caller: Is this John? Me: No, I'm <my real name>. Caller: Oh, I get you two confused all the time. (If you were in the room with John and I, you would never in a million years think we sounded alike. But on the phone, folks think we're clones. ) Me: Good afternoon, <my company name> technical support Caller: When I try to run a report, it says "Unable to launch external report generator". Me: <walks them through altering their Excel security levels> (Our software utilizes Excel macros to generate reports. It's a very simple procedure outlined and highlighted in bold on the first page of our installation instructions.) Me: Good afternoon, <my company name> Caller: Hi, it's Vlad (our president and lead programmer), is George there? Me: Just a moment <transfers call to George> This wouldn't be an issue were it not for the following facts: These two communicate via IM all day long Vlad works from home If Vlad IM'd George and said "call me", George wouldn't have to go through an operator
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