The Words You Say (almost) Everyday

[SzczerbiakManiac]

Me: Good afternoon, <my company name> technical support
Caller: Is this Walker Beurge Ford?
Me: No, this is <my company name>, you have the wrong number.
Caller: This isn't the Service Department?
Me: No, this is <my company name>, you have the wrong number.
Caller: Can you transfer me?
Me: No, this is <my company name>, you have the wrong number.

Hello, lover! (said every time my pooter boots up to the portrait of Wally that graces my desktop)

No onions, no tomatoes (to the person taking my sandwich order; 20% of the time there will be onions, tomatoes, or both when I bite into it)

Me: Good afternoon, <my company name> technical support
Caller: Is this John?
Me: No, I'm <my real name>.
Caller: Oh, I get you two confused all the time.
(If you were in the room with John and I, you would never in a million years think we sounded alike. But on the phone, folks think we're clones. )

Me: Good afternoon, <my company name> technical support
Caller: When I try to run a report, it says "Unable to launch external report generator".
Me: <walks them through altering their Excel security levels>
(Our software utilizes Excel macros to generate reports. It's a very simple procedure outlined and highlighted in bold on the first page of our installation instructions.)

Me: Good afternoon, <my company name>
Caller: Hi, it's Vlad (our president and lead programmer), is George there?
Me: Just a moment <transfers call to George>
This wouldn't be an issue were it not for the following facts:

1. These two communicate via IM all day long
2. Vlad works from home
3. If Vlad IM'd George and said "call me", George wouldn't have to go through an operator