The LoT High School Reunion

frodo potter · 09-04-2008, 08:28 AM

I look back on high school and just want to laugh.

The boy I was then is so different from the man I am now. In high school I never felt like I belonged, I was always on the outside looking in, and trying to be part of a group any group. I felt like I didn't fit even with the outcasts.

I always did well in class because I liked being right, and answering teacher's questions was one time I knew I could be right. However, my social skills were painfully poor.

I had been a large kid and even after puberty I always thought of myself as the "fat kid." I was never motivated to work out, get into shape, or gain any physical skills, so even when I lost weight I was still uncoordinated, which I though of as being fat. Looking back I was not fat at all, much smaller than I am now in fact, but I always thought of myself that way.

Clothing: I wore rugby shirts and jeans all the time in high school. if it was colder that 80 I was in a rugby shirt and jeans. (I thought they kinda hid the fat.)

Grooming: I hated "dressing up," I would never comb my hair, tuck in my shirt, or even bother buttoning my rugby shirts right.

Social: I loved forced group activities, that is activities where there was something going on besides just hanging out. I felt awkward talking to people so having a purpose made socializing easier for me. So, I was into D&D, a lot, theater, chess, boy scouts, ren faire and so on. Now all these things are great and I still like some of them but I was obsessed then.

all in all I don't regret who I was in high school but I wish I could go back and tell myself "this really doesn't matter that much, the world doesn't care that you didn't have friends in high school, don't try so hard it just makes you look desperate."

Gn2Dlnd · 09-04-2008, 09:55 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by frodo potter

So, I was into D&D, a lot, theater, chess, boy scouts, ren faire and so on.

Truly, a man ahead of his time!

Oh, and I was certainly into boy scouts, too. If you know what I mean, nudge nudge, grin grin, wink wink, SAY NO MORE!

Sohrshah · 09-05-2008, 01:03 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by frodo potter

all in all I don't regret who I was in high school but I wish I could go back and tell myself "this really doesn't matter that much, the world doesn't care that you didn't have friends in high school, don't try so hard it just makes you look desperate."

**HUGS** There was at least one person in high school who did truly care about you. She still does - so much so your entry made her cry.

Sohrshah · 09-05-2008, 01:37 AM

Ugh. High School.

I went to two high schools, in two states, and I felt a great deal of pressure to fit into not only with some preconceived notion of my parents' making, but also my own struggle to belong in two very different cultures.

My two years in NJ stunted my growth for years to come.

In MA, I was a member of the gay-straight alliance, I played two sports, held a chair in the drama club, had my own BBS, and I had a tattoo artist boyfriend. I was beginning to discover things like piercings, wearing too much black for effect, art, and a good number of other things which would later become staples of my interests and identity.

In New Jersey, I felt like a sqaure-egg, a fish out of water, a freak. Instead of having enough confidence to know I had a right to be myself, that I had worth, I tried to fit in to the culture while outwardly rejecting that culture. I was angry, had an "attitude", and a home-life worse than anyone could imagine. I stopped playing sports, didn't get along with the art or drama teachers- or Social Studies, as I got kicked out of that class, copped an attitude ( why I got kicked out of AP US history II), and found myself in with (but not to say friends with) a very strange group of misfits who I didn't much like. The more hateful I was on the outside, the more I hated myself on the inside.

I also grappled with my sexual orientation - keeping a toxic friendship that was essentially my first same-sex relationship.

By the time I got to college I was utterly confused about my sexuality, and I hated everything about myself. I thought I was a hideous monster, unfit for humanity.

How wrong I was, and I am repairing myself to this day.

All in all, high school sucked.

09-04-2008, 08:28 AM	#1
frodo potter Member Join Date: Jan 2005 Posts: 84	I look back on high school and just want to laugh. The boy I was then is so different from the man I am now. In high school I never felt like I belonged, I was always on the outside looking in, and trying to be part of a group any group. I felt like I didn't fit even with the outcasts. I always did well in class because I liked being right, and answering teacher's questions was one time I knew I could be right. However, my social skills were painfully poor. I had been a large kid and even after puberty I always thought of myself as the "fat kid." I was never motivated to work out, get into shape, or gain any physical skills, so even when I lost weight I was still uncoordinated, which I though of as being fat. Looking back I was not fat at all, much smaller than I am now in fact, but I always thought of myself that way. Clothing: I wore rugby shirts and jeans all the time in high school. if it was colder that 80 I was in a rugby shirt and jeans. (I thought they kinda hid the fat.) Grooming: I hated "dressing up," I would never comb my hair, tuck in my shirt, or even bother buttoning my rugby shirts right. Social: I loved forced group activities, that is activities where there was something going on besides just hanging out. I felt awkward talking to people so having a purpose made socializing easier for me. So, I was into D&D, a lot, theater, chess, boy scouts, ren faire and so on. Now all these things are great and I still like some of them but I was obsessed then. all in all I don't regret who I was in high school but I wish I could go back and tell myself "this really doesn't matter that much, the world doesn't care that you didn't have friends in high school, don't try so hard it just makes you look desperate."
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09-05-2008, 01:37 AM	#4
Sohrshah Purveyor of Fine Blue People Join Date: Feb 2007 Location: Orange County, CA Posts: 358	Ugh. High School. I went to two high schools, in two states, and I felt a great deal of pressure to fit into not only with some preconceived notion of my parents' making, but also my own struggle to belong in two very different cultures. My two years in NJ stunted my growth for years to come. In MA, I was a member of the gay-straight alliance, I played two sports, held a chair in the drama club, had my own BBS, and I had a tattoo artist boyfriend. I was beginning to discover things like piercings, wearing too much black for effect, art, and a good number of other things which would later become staples of my interests and identity. In New Jersey, I felt like a sqaure-egg, a fish out of water, a freak. Instead of having enough confidence to know I had a right to be myself, that I had worth, I tried to fit in to the culture while outwardly rejecting that culture. I was angry, had an "attitude", and a home-life worse than anyone could imagine. I stopped playing sports, didn't get along with the art or drama teachers- or Social Studies, as I got kicked out of that class, copped an attitude ( why I got kicked out of AP US history II), and found myself in with (but not to say friends with) a very strange group of misfits who I didn't much like. The more hateful I was on the outside, the more I hated myself on the inside. I also grappled with my sexual orientation - keeping a toxic friendship that was essentially my first same-sex relationship. By the time I got to college I was utterly confused about my sexuality, and I hated everything about myself. I thought I was a hideous monster, unfit for humanity. How wrong I was, and I am repairing myself to this day. All in all, high school sucked.
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