Vignette attempt.

[Cadaverous Pallor]

Originally Posted by Boss Radio

Well written, and somewhat sad. Is he a lonely soul?

Hmm, interesting. I didn't intend sadness. What specifically made it seem sad?

Anyone else want to say how it made them feel?

[TheatreTech]

Originally Posted by Cadaverous Pallor

Hmm, interesting. I didn't intend sadness. What specifically made it seem sad?

Anyone else want to say how it made them feel?

Very well written. (And motivating for me to continue with my story. )

It made me think of...well, me. Not in a sad way, though. (Although, I let out a sigh at the mention of Rod because he hasn't been at the park lately.)

Aside from that, it was very...calming. (If that description works.)

[Cadaverous Pallor]

Originally Posted by TheatreTech

It made me think of...well, me.

Good! The more real it feels to those that do go alone, the better.

Aside from that, it was very...calming. (If that description works.)

Also good to hear, thanks. Others, please chime in - what works, what doesn't?

[Drince88]

It does seem very real to me, as well (even though it's been eons since I've been to DL (but I'm going in October!). I guess it seemed a little sad/lonely, but that may be because at the end of the day spent alone, I can feel sad/lonely. Not that I feel that way WHEN spending the day alone (but that's my own demon to deal with).

It's a great job at describing the sights/sounds/smells/thoughts - but if you do develop it into something more, there needs to be a bit more plot. However, my understanding is that was not the point of THIS example, so I almost didn't write that last part.

[Cadaverous Pallor]

Originally Posted by Drince88

It's a great job at describing the sights/sounds/smells/thoughts - but if you do develop it into something more, there needs to be a bit more plot. However, my understanding is that was not the point of THIS example, so I almost didn't write that last part.

You've got it right. I think I'm going to write a bunch of vignettes like this one, lacking in plot but thick with emotions and visual impressions, so I can get used to what feel I want out of it. There are lots of things I'm debating on this and I don't wish to bore anyone with that.

So yeah, this is what it is, a bit of fluff.

[wendybeth]

Originally Posted by Cadaverous Pallor

Good! The more real it feels to those that do go alone, the better.

Also good to hear, thanks. Others, please chime in - what works, what doesn't?

I waited to see how I felt about it, as I like to let things sink in before offering any criticism.

Your mojo is in the mailbox.

[sleepyjeff]

Originally Posted by Cadaverous Pallor

Hmm, interesting. I didn't intend sadness. What specifically made it seem sad?

Anyone else want to say how it made them feel?

It seemed sad to me too. Kind of like when an old man visits a playground and even though he can do all of the things the kids are doing he doesn't because the desire to has grown out of him.....the newness has worn off....so he sadly leaves his old playground perhaps giving a nod to a favorite spot that has a special meaning to him. He knows he will return but he also knows that when he does return he will feel even less of the magic then he felt on this visit.

I loved it......