Vignette attempt.

TheatreTech · 06-17-2005, 09:19 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Cadaverous Pallor

Hmm, interesting. I didn't intend sadness. What specifically made it seem sad?

Anyone else want to say how it made them feel?

Very well written. (And motivating for me to continue with my story.

)

It made me think of...well, me. Not in a sad way, though. (Although, I let out a sigh at the mention of Rod because he hasn't been at the park lately.)

Aside from that, it was very...calming. (If that description works.)

Cadaverous Pallor · 06-17-2005, 09:26 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by TheatreTech

It made me think of...well, me.

Good!

The more real it feels to those that do go alone, the better.

Quote:

Aside from that, it was very...calming. (If that description works.)

Also good to hear, thanks. Others, please chime in - what works, what doesn't?

Drince88 · 06-17-2005, 07:30 PM

It does seem very real to me, as well (even though it's been eons since I've been to DL (but I'm going in October!). I guess it seemed a little sad/lonely, but that may be because at the end of the day spent alone, I can feel sad/lonely. Not that I feel that way WHEN spending the day alone (but that's my own demon to deal with).

It's a great job at describing the sights/sounds/smells/thoughts - but if you do develop it into something more, there needs to be a bit more plot. However, my understanding is that was not the point of THIS example, so I almost didn't write that last part.

Cadaverous Pallor · 06-17-2005, 08:33 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Drince88

It's a great job at describing the sights/sounds/smells/thoughts - but if you do develop it into something more, there needs to be a bit more plot. However, my understanding is that was not the point of THIS example, so I almost didn't write that last part.

You've got it right. I think I'm going to write a bunch of vignettes like this one, lacking in plot but thick with emotions and visual impressions, so I can get used to what feel I want out of it. There are lots of things I'm debating on this and I don't wish to bore anyone with that.

So yeah, this is what it is, a bit of fluff.

wendybeth · 06-19-2005, 11:24 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Cadaverous Pallor

Good!

The more real it feels to those that do go alone, the better.

Also good to hear, thanks. Others, please chime in - what works, what doesn't?

I waited to see how I felt about it, as I like to let things sink in before offering any criticism.

Your mojo is in the mailbox.

06-17-2005, 07:30 PM	#3
Drince88 Senior Member Join Date: May 2005 Posts: 481	It does seem very real to me, as well (even though it's been eons since I've been to DL (but I'm going in October!). I guess it seemed a little sad/lonely, but that may be because at the end of the day spent alone, I can feel sad/lonely. Not that I feel that way WHEN spending the day alone (but that's my own demon to deal with). It's a great job at describing the sights/sounds/smells/thoughts - but if you do develop it into something more, there needs to be a bit more plot. However, my understanding is that was not the point of THIS example, so I almost didn't write that last part.
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