Are you an akser or a Guesser?

[Ghoulish Delight]

One thing I do agree with is the Emily Post advice. I find that the more I try to explain WHY I say no, the more people take that as an invitation to decide that my priorities are wrong and get annoyed. I try (as much as is practical) to say, "I'm so sorry, I can't," rather than detail out why.

[Betty]

Originally Posted by Ghoulish Delight

One thing I do agree with is the Emily Post advice. I find that the more I try to explain WHY I say no, the more people take that as an invitation to decide that my priorities are wrong and get annoyed. I try (as much as is practical) to say, "I'm so sorry, I can't," rather than detail out why.

I agree. I have to use that with my kids - "because I said so" type of thing or they just argue. I'm afraid I learned this when my 7th grade teacher taught us how to negotiate.

In business life though - I really need to learn that phrase: I'm afraid that won't be possible.

And then shut the eff up.

[Moonliner]

How about this one:

"Where would you like to go for dinner?"

As an "asker" if I'm presented with this question I'll answer something like:
"How about Friday's?"

My wife (a guesser) on the other hand, will go to her grave before suggesting an actual restaurant. I have to go through an elaborate Q&A inquisition in order to try and deduce where she actually wants to go.

[Pirate Bill]

When I'm around a bunch of guessers I become an asker. When I'm around askers I become a guesser.

Basically, I tend to yield to the dominant type A personalities. But when everyone is a type B, elements of type A come out in me or nobody makes a decision and nothing gets done.

[flippyshark]

Originally Posted by Pirate Bill

When I'm around a bunch of guessers I become an asker. When I'm around askers I become a guesser.

Basically, I tend to yield to the dominant type A personalities. But when everyone is a type B, elements of type A come out in me or nobody makes a decision and nothing gets done.

This sounds like me. I've gotten a lot better at saying no, I still feel a little trepidation when asking from others, but if I'm surrounded by non-deciders, I don't feel bad about making a decision. Also, I am much bolder about asking for things in a business environment than a personal one. I have a hard time getting dates because somewhere deep down I have been trained that it is an insult to ask someone out who does not already want to date you. Which is absurd.

[Deebs]

I hate the passive-aggressive asker. Over the weekend I got this text from my ex: "What time are you picking up the kids?"

I heaved a big sigh. I was hoping he'd drop them off when he was done, but I knew I wouldn't be getting that, and chose not to argue about it with him.

So then I texted back, "What time do you want them picked up?"

He sent back "7".

I sent back "K".

Why could he not just have asked that in the first place? Like, "Could you please pick the kids up at 7:00?" Just to annoy me? Good job!

[Moonliner]

Originally Posted by Deebs

I hate the passive-aggressive asker. Over the weekend I got this text from my ex: "What time are you picking up the kids?"

I heaved a big sigh. I was hoping he'd drop them off when he was done, but I knew I wouldn't be getting that, and chose not to argue about it with him.

So then I texted back, "What time do you want them picked up?"

He sent back "7".

I sent back "K".

Why could he not just have asked that in the first place? Like, "Could you please pick the kids up at 7:00?" Just to annoy me? Good job!

Because he's not an akser, he's a guesser and that's what guessers do.
The gist of the article is that they don't do it to piss off askers it's just the way they do things.

[alphabassettgrrl]

Originally Posted by Pirate Bill

When I'm around a bunch of guessers I become an asker. When I'm around askers I become a guesser.

Basically, I tend to yield to the dominant type A personalities. But when everyone is a type B, elements of type A come out in me or nobody makes a decision and nothing gets done.

I think I do that a lot, too.

When it's me that wants something, I'm not very good at guessing the answer I'll get so I try to do more asking than guessing. It's harder to do, but certainly more direct.

Generally I don't have a problem with saying "no" to a request but once in a while something nags at me. I don't explain my no; like others have said, there's no point. Except with a few people who actually want to know why. It's getting easier as I get older, too, to say no.