The APer project - Opening

[Cadaverous Pallor]

Every comment is appreciated.

Originally Posted by Boss Radio

So...who's the mid-twenties woman? Anyone we know?

Hey, are you calling me disorganized? Let's just say she's got a nice chunk of my worst habits in her.

EH, good call on the style decisions. I'll probably end up with all "vignettes" (chapters?) done in a similar style....or at least, the variations will simply be a matter of point of view. I'm not too happy with the concept of form trumping function for this story.

This post was me attempting to kick a freeloading adult child out of my mental basement. I want to yell at my random notes on this story. "Go on, grow up! Get a job as a story collection or something! Just get out of my head!"

Originally Posted by EH

We are aware that we are on a freeway, observing the various cars, so I don’t think it’s important that you address the movement from car to car each time.

Ok, I'll give on that. I have this very visual version of all this in my head and it's been hard to let go of that...but I was wrestling with those lines when I wrote it, and you're right.

I like the "wondering" idea, definitely worth considering.

My original draft included many more people, almost twice as many. I think that for an ensemble movie that would work, but as a written story, it was a lot to be hit with at once. I think I'll add a few more back in, and beef the whole thing up in general before moving on. In reading this again now, it feels rather skeletal to me.

[wendybeth]

Ohhh, the Cult of Disney...I like it.

I also like Eliza's analysis- the tie in for the characters needs to be fleshed out, or made stronger. Is it (at this point, anyway) the fact that they all have Disney items or interests, or is something going to happen to bring all of these people together? I don't have a sense of where it's going, be it good or bad. Usually weather or character's moods can set up the type of atmosphere you want to convey- a sense of calm, foreboding, intrigue, etc. I like it and I understand that you are in the early stages of construction, so it's hard to offer any helpful critiques. I want to see your next draft!!!