Mortality

[lindyhop]

I drove my dad to his brother's funeral yesterday and got to see cousins and aunts and uncles I haven't seen in decades, not just years.

My dad is the oldest of three boys and at 88 he's the healthiest of all of them. His middle brother who passed away had suffered from Parkinson's for years but had still managed to stay pretty active up until the last six months. I hadn't seen my other uncle (the youngest brother) in many years and when this doddering old couple said hello to me it was shocking. And then this other oldish guy was hugging me and I realized it was my cousin who I hadn't seen since I used to babysit his kids when they were babies which was about 35 years ago.

Good lord how did we all get so old.

It was actually a lovely funeral with a lot of family and a many friends. The couple who drove my aunt and uncle to Yuma to get married were there. That was 67 years ago, just amazing. It was so obvious that my aunt and uncle cultivated a wonderful family (9 grandchildren, 21 great-grandchildren, and a new great-great-grandchild) and made many devoted friends.

Which brings me to what I've been thinking about. I seem to have drawn the odd straw in the family. We keep to ourselves and don't have these networks in place. I hope that I can do better with my growing family and that I'll be eulogized as the fun and loving grandma and great-grandma when the time comes.

[Cadaverous Pallor]

Originally Posted by lindyhop

I hope that I can do better with my growing family and that I'll be eulogized as the fun and loving grandma and great-grandma when the time comes.

I'm sure you will.

I'm curious - why do you think you aren't as involved as the rest of the family? If it's a sensitive subject, never mind.

I don't want to speak for him, but GD's mother's parents were very different people. It's amazing seeing some people very boisterous and others being very straight-laced. Even if everyone is on good terms it can be hard to feel a connection when you really don't understand each other's impulses and temperament.

On the other hand, my family is all a bunch of Alpha types that can't get along because they are too similarly stubborn and self-absorbed.

[lindyhop]

Originally Posted by Cadaverous Pallor

I'm curious - why do you think you aren't as involved as the rest of the family? If it's a sensitive subject, never mind.

I can remember having a babysitter so my parents could go out without my sister and me exactly once. My parents didn't have a social life. In the beginning my dad's family was very close. I can remember getting together for each individual birthday. Then some of my mom's family moved to California and that split our time somewhat. And then when my older cousins got married and had families there just was no way everyone could get together even on major holidays. So that left my parents and my sister and our families and none of us have the same need to be together very much. I like not being suffocated by family but it's hard to change the habit and stay in touch with the people I want to be close to.

[Cadaverous Pallor]

Originally Posted by lindyhop

I can remember having a babysitter so my parents could go out without my sister and me exactly once. My parents didn't have a social life. In the beginning my dad's family was very close. I can remember getting together for each individual birthday. Then some of my mom's family moved to California and that split our time somewhat. And then when my older cousins got married and had families there just was no way everyone could get together even on major holidays. So that left my parents and my sister and our families and none of us have the same need to be together very much. I like not being suffocated by family but it's hard to change the habit and stay in touch with the people I want to be close to.

My parents are similar to yours. We were almost never babysat. We did see the family a lot when I was younger but instead of distance, it was drama that drove everyone apart. I now make a point to see my grandmother, aunts/uncles and cousins at least once a season. I have to manage it on my own as my parents aren't speaking to any of them. My mom's family is all abroad so this is all we've got. My parents always secretly wanted to be isolated anyway. Driving for more than 15 min or having people over stresses them out. They are no good at social interactions. I have no idea how I got as social as I am (which is still problematic but much less so). Maybe I have more of my aunts in me than I ever thought.

[€uroMeinke]

Seems another one of my classmates passed away this weekend. Brain cancer.

Carpe diem

[Cadaverous Pallor]

Originally Posted by €uroMeinke

Seems another one of my classmates passed away this weekend. Brain cancer.

Carpe diem

Wow. My condolences.