Who's your Daddy?

[tracilicious]

Originally Posted by Ghoulish Delight

Where the question of sexual taboo comes into play is in attempting to prevent this kind of loss of trust to begin with. If we as a society were more open about sexuality, and more aware that the "ideal" of monogamy isn't ideal for everyone, a lot of this can be avoided. I am not, of course, decrying monogamy, just the fervent way in which our society insists that it's the only healthy answer. So what you end up with is people who have no capacity to handle a monogamous relationship being forced into them, and that leads to the lies necessary to cover up the resulting breaches of trust.

Who's forcing anybody into relationships?

[Cadaverous Pallor]

Originally Posted by tracilicious

Who's forcing anybody into relationships?

"Forced" as in "pressured by society". There are still plenty of people who think that the only way to live is heterosexually married and with 2.5 kids, and decry anyone who says otherwise (my father is one of them).

[€uroMeinke]

Originally Posted by Cadaverous Pallor

(my father is one of them).

But are you sure he's your father?

[tracilicious]

Originally Posted by Cadaverous Pallor

"Forced" as in "pressured by society". There are still plenty of people who think that the only way to live is heterosexually married and with 2.5 kids, and decry anyone who says otherwise (my father is one of them).

I diefinitely see the point, and I somewhat agree. I think that one's smaller societal group might pressure someone to commit when they don't want to, i.e. friends, neighbors, family, etc., but I think society as a larger entity is very noncommital. In fact, I'd say it's an opposite kind of pressure. Everything is about instant gratification, living for oneself, or for the moment, etc. I think society actually makes it more difficult to stay committed to a monogamous relationship, not less so.

Either way, a person should have the moral integrity to be honest with him or herself prior to commiting. If one doesn't want a monogamous relationship, than one shouldn't commit. I think the society excuse is sometimes too heavily relied upon.

[Not Afraid]

Originally Posted by tracilicious

In fact, I'd say it's an opposite kind of pressure. Everything is about instant gratification, living for oneself, or for the moment, etc. I think society actually makes it more difficult to stay committed to a monogamous relationship, not less so.

Either way, a person should have the moral integrity to be honest with him or herself prior to commiting. If one doesn't want a monogamous relationship, than one shouldn't commit. I think the society excuse is sometimes too heavily relied upon.

I completly agree with you. I have seen the desire for immediate gratification growing while the "disposability" of relationships has increased. Having gone through our own personal trials in marriage, I can say that having a committed, monogomous relationship can be incredibly challenging but also more rewarding than anything. It takes maturity to have that kind of commitment and respect the other person enough to remain monogomous. Not everyone can do it or understands and respects the grave consequences that enivetably happen wothout it.

[Ghoulish Delight]

Originally Posted by Not Afraid

I completly agree with you. I have seen the desire for immediate gratification growing while the "disposability" of relationships has increased. Having gone through our own personal trials in marriage, I can say that having a committed, monogomous relationship can be incredibly challenging but also more rewarding than anything. It takes maturity to have that kind of commitment and respect the other person enough to remain monogomous. Not everyone can do it or understands and respects the grave consequences that enivetably happen wothout it.

That's what works for you, and that's fantastic. But I find it hard to believe that that's the only viable option, that it's right for everybody. Because as far as I've seen, nothing is right for everybody.

[€uroMeinke]

Originally Posted by tracilicious

Either way, a person should have the moral integrity to be honest with him or herself prior to commiting. If one doesn't want a monogamous relationship, than one shouldn't commit. I think the society excuse is sometimes too heavily relied upon.

I think most people enter into a monogamous commitment with the full intention of remaning so, but time and life circumstances often intervene to make that more difficult than anyone ever realized in the first blooms of love. In other words, I don't think people enter these relationships dishonestly or without integrity, rather they do it perhaps with a bit of ignorance - how well do you really know yourself at 18?

So it doesn't surpise me the people will sometimes stray, and I understand the desire not to hurt spouse and family, by fessing up to something that ultimately may have little meaning to you in your life - which is one scenario.

From an objective stand point it seems clear that being honest is best (especially now since such indiscretions can be more easily detected and harder to cover up) but how it all happens depends on your relationship with your partner(s), whether you can talk through the difficult moments and support one another when times are bad.