Gifts that aren't.

[Gn2Dlnd]

But who will wear the sweaters?

[Alex]

The way my family solved the issue GD mentions is that we just went to a lottery for everybody at that party. At the end of the day on Christmas all names would go into a bowl for the next year and eveybody would draw one.

That is who you had the next year. The rules were you could do whatever you wanted for that one gift but you didn't buy any gifts for anybody else in that bowl (at least not for that gathering, if you were married to someone or had other gatherings they were at you could do whatever you wanted). No spending maximums or minimums. But they were serious gifts and hopefully thought out.

So the result of this part of the family is that everybody had to buy one gift for other adults in the family. Children were not put in the bowl and it was expected that most people would buy gifts for most kids (and per present spending wouldn't be that high).

Behind the scenes it was made sure that come the next Christmas there'd be no gaps due to divorces, marriages, new SOs, etc.

Worked pretty well for our family, I don't remember a lot of drama. But I was only participating at an adult for a few years before my dad died and my grandparents moved to Arizona and the center failed and that particular gathering disappeared.

Personally, I hate gift giving turned into a party game with the stealing and the hurt feelings that always seem to happen and the past game reshuffling, especially the White Elephant kind. So I just stick to my guns most of the time and refuse to participant and get to be the stick in the corner. Fortunately it has been many years since any group I was part of tried to do one.

[katiesue]

I'm not a fan of the stealing/white elephant kinds of things. I participate if invited but I don't find it fun. I'd much rather draw a name and get something thoughtful for that particular person. And you can come up with something thoughtful on a very small budget if needed.

[BarTopDancer]

I'm not a fan of white elephant gift exchanges, or exchanging similarly valued gift cards with friends so I generally don't participate. However, I just discovered The Something Store which seems like a great place to get a gift (only $10 w/ free shipping) for this type of exchange.

I haven't used it yet but I'll try it the next time I there's an obligatory exchange.

[Gn2Dlnd]

That sounds fun!

[Moonliner]

Originally Posted by Ghoulish Delight

Ahem, seeing as it's my family, might I chime in.

This party has been held in the same home for 40+ years. We will not be hosting it, nor making anything more than suggestions.

There's a lot of history that got things to where they are. Part of the problem is that there is a large group of us that grew up as children attending this party and us getting gifts was a large part of the party tradition. Then we all grew up into young adults and there were no children anymore. Some of the older adult generation were still feeling "obligated" to give gifts to us "children", to a fault, even whey they probably didn't have an income that made it make sense. And it was causing stupid drama in the form of guilt among those who decided not to gift, or hostility among those who vehemently wanted the gifting to stop.

So the gift exchange came about as a way to break that habit while maintaining the gift-giving atmosphere that previously defined the tradition. The side of the family most closely related to the hosting-home is a large contingent and are the ones who enjoy the "kitschy/jokey" side of it the most. So that's the way it's gone. Like I said, we can try to suggest otherwise, but it's not our call. As a matter of fact, this year the "rules" of the exchange even said, "Gift cards preferred" so someone was trying to reign it in...to no avail.

Of course, now there's a new generation of kids. Plenty of gift giving opportunity and we really should just drop the whole exchange. But if we do that, there's the danger of certain people reverting to the drama of old. No fun either. Complicating things is that the holidays is only part of the point of the party. It actually began long ago as a birthday party for my grandmother, and over the years the family has managed to amass a disproportionate amount of December birthdays. So it's largely a birthday party, with a lot of birthday gifting happening. So that's another reason the exchange has stuck around, people get concerned that people will feel left out if a bunch of people are getting birthday gifts and others aren't. Of course, those are largely the people who can't quite understand that we're not children anymore. AND no one seems to pay attention when I point out that, over all the years, I was consistently the one that received the fewest gifts and yet I really couldn't care less about who is and isn't getting gifts. But logic has little to do with it.

I have no need to get a gift - good, bad, or otherwise. But I don't want to be the sourpuss in the corner not participating. So I bring a gift, I make it something nice, and I participate. If I get something stupid, I donate it. Beyond that, it's not my call and I'm not interested in turning it into a confrontation.

TL;DR But it sounds like you are saying the social aspect is more important that the physical objects.

[Ghoulish Delight]

Originally Posted by Moonliner

TL;DR But it sounds like you are saying the social aspect is more important that the physical objects.

From a holistic sense, of course it is. Does my crazy family realize that? Hardly.

[alphabassettgrrl]

If the gag gifts are funny, that's one thing. I kind of enjoy those. Not a huge fan of the stealing game, but that's often how it plays.

I hope you can find some joy in giving your thoughtful gifts, and knowing that whoever gets it will actually appreciate it.

My family did the "pull one name" thing for a while but we've all sort of fallen apart. My brothers and my mom and me are good, but the rest are estranged. It's in some ways a relief, which feels like a terrible thing to say.

[innerSpaceman]

Our family does the same thing on Christmas. It's specifically a "White Elephant" gift exchange game, but it's often very creative and funny. Well, make that "sometimes." And this year wasn't one of those times. BUT, I did walk away with a set of Bacon accessories (chapstick, air freshener, dental floss AND a bacon WALLET) and also a talking Duck Dynasty keychain. After the laugh, there's absolutely nothing to do with this stuff but put it in mothballs. I don't even think I can re-gift it later.

BUT - it was amusing and that's the point. Not to Obtain Stuff. But to have a good time doing a Christmassy thing like gift-giving, but without all the time and lavish expense it used to involve when each of us bought gifts to each other of us.


I'll take the fallow, boring years as the price of admission.