Crush on the wrong person?

Boingonut · 10-09-2005, 06:01 PM

Okay so for the first time in a very long time I have a crush on someone. I have to admit it feels great, but there are a few problems.

First problem is I go to school with this person. If I went to anouther kind of school this would not be a problem but I go to film school where going to school is also kind of like going to work. You have to work with the same 10 or 15 students a lot both inside and outside of class and if something went wrong it would make for a very awkward next 3 years. Not very many people at my school "hook up" for this reason.

Second problem is that she is not a member of my Church. This does not matter to me one bit, in fact it is one of the resons I am attacted to her I think. But it matters a lot to my friends and family who are members of my Church. I don't want to disapoint my them.

Third problem is that I have not dated in a very long time. I just have not met anyone worth dating I guess until I met her, plus I am very shy and it takes a lot to get me out of my shell. So my dating skills are crap, I don't even really know what I would do for a first date with her. She is a smart funny California girl and I am just a hick from Utah.

So should I just go for it and ask her out, or should I keep it to myself and admire her from a distance? I am not sure how she feels about me, some signs are there that she is interested in me, and some are not. It would feel nice just to at least go out with her and test the waters, but I kind of like what I have with her now even though I am kind of frustated with it.

What should I do?

mistyisjafo · 10-09-2005, 06:17 PM

I figure if you like her then ask her out. But have a casual date, something simple like go for coffee or lunch or something. You don't have to tell her you like her yet but get to know her. Worry about the other stuff later. If you don't try you may be missing out on the ONE. Ya never know.

Trust me, I had to do the same thing just last month. Sad to say it didn't go over but that's ok, gotta try right?!

Isaac · 10-09-2005, 06:36 PM

I felt a connection with Steve the day I met him but had I not decided to try to pursue a relationship we would never be together.

I think you should go for it.

There is a possibility things could get awkward at school if the relationship turned sour but that might not happen.

As you stated whether or not she's a member of your church (whatever church it is) does not matter. Your happiness is more important than whether or not your family approves of her. After all, you're the one that's gonna sleep with her, not them.

You might feel a bit rusty at dating but there's no better way to get back in the swing of things than by practice. Start slow & ask her to hang out with you somewhere for lunch or something.

Go out with her and see if you two have chemistry or not.

Cadaverous Pallor · 10-09-2005, 10:06 PM

You gotta try! Like the others said, you never know. When opportunity knocks you jump for that door!

If I waited for GD to call me, lord knows what would have happened....

€uroMeinke · 10-09-2005, 10:17 PM

Who ever does have a crush on the right person? Usually you only learn that after the fact...

tracilicious · 10-10-2005, 12:16 AM

Maybe you can kind of feel things out a bit before telling her how you feel. Hang out with her in groups, or on casual outings. Then if in a few weeks you still feel the same way, then by all means go for it.

Drince88 · 10-10-2005, 05:49 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Boingonut

Second problem is that she is not a member of my Church. This does not matter to me one bit, in fact it is one of the resons I am attacted to her I think. But it matters a lot to my friends and family who are members of my Church. I don't want to disapoint my them.

If it doesn't matter to you, it shouldn't matter. YOU are the one dating her, not your family and friends. AND we're talking one date here - NOT a marriage proposal, dating is how you find out if you are compatible. If she is not "the one", dating her will help you figure out some of the things that ARE important to you.

Boingonut · 10-10-2005, 10:00 AM

Thanks everyone for the advice! I think lunch or something would be great way to test the waters. If she says no then I will give her some time and try again later, or I will just let it go at that and leave her alone and move on. I have enjoyed a lot of small talk and even a few deep conversations with her but not outside school, it would be nice to have a little chat somewhere else. Even though my school is a pretty small place we do seem to run into each other a lot!

I also have tickets to go see Queen and I know she likes them so I think I will give that a try. I am going to see how things go next week at school before I do anything.

blueerica · 10-10-2005, 12:03 PM

What everyone has said above is very true. You don't know until you try, and I think you can be up front about the work comfort/discomfort thing early on without it being too bad. What's bad is when the relationship is way down the road and you start talking about comfort and discomfort. Coming from someone who usually addresses these sorts of issues late in the game, it's 10 times worse to do it when things are already uncomfortable.

Keep things light. If it's right, it's right, and follow the signs your heart and mind tell you. Listening to them both rarely steers someone wrong.

Boingonut · 10-14-2005, 10:16 PM

Well I am starting to think that she was the wrong person after all...

Last week things seemed to go very well, we were very friendly with each other during and between class, having many laughs you know. Then on Wendsday night I emailed her for the first time, in the email I asked what the area code was for her phone number since she did not write it down when she gave it to me about 2 weeks ago. I never got an answer to the email, but I thought no big deal she might have a spam blocker on her email and it did not get through.

So Thursday rolls around and we are both very busy in class, and did not have a chance to speak to each other once. She was having some problems with her project and had to stay after class, so I decided to wait for her and ask her if she wanted to go to the Queen show with me. One other girl was still in the room where she was working and things got kind of weird so I just quickly asked her what her area code was. She kind of rolled her eyes as if she was thinking and then told me and I said thanks and left her alone. Now I am starting to think the eye roll thing might have been because she was annoyed with me and maybe did not include her area code on purpose. Or she could have been pissed that she had to do more work, which I understand. Nevertheless it was kind of weird.

So that brings me to today. Since I did not get a chance to ask her to the show yesterday I thought I would call her and ask her. So I call at about 2 and get her voice mail. I leave a message, maybe sounding a little nervous, that I would like to talk to her and for her to call me back and that if I did not hear from her I would call tomorrow. Well I have have not got a call back.

So I am starting to think that I might have read more into this then was really there. But I am hurt because I feel like she does not even want to try to be my friend outside of school.

Am I jumping conclusions or are these all danger signs? I don't want her to feel like she has to distance herself from me, and as far as I know she does not know my feelings about her unless she reads this board and knows that I am Boingonut which I am sure she does not. Also as far as I know she does not know anything about me having tickets to a Queen show. I think I am going to try to call again tomorrow since I said I would still though.

Any advice will help since I am kind of feeling down right now

10-09-2005, 06:01 PM	#1
Boingonut Anyone seen my Bike? Join Date: Jan 2005 Location: Valencia, CA Posts: 100	Crush on the wrong person? Okay so for the first time in a very long time I have a crush on someone. I have to admit it feels great, but there are a few problems. First problem is I go to school with this person. If I went to anouther kind of school this would not be a problem but I go to film school where going to school is also kind of like going to work. You have to work with the same 10 or 15 students a lot both inside and outside of class and if something went wrong it would make for a very awkward next 3 years. Not very many people at my school "hook up" for this reason. Second problem is that she is not a member of my Church. This does not matter to me one bit, in fact it is one of the resons I am attacted to her I think. But it matters a lot to my friends and family who are members of my Church. I don't want to disapoint my them. Third problem is that I have not dated in a very long time. I just have not met anyone worth dating I guess until I met her, plus I am very shy and it takes a lot to get me out of my shell. So my dating skills are crap, I don't even really know what I would do for a first date with her. She is a smart funny California girl and I am just a hick from Utah. So should I just go for it and ask her out, or should I keep it to myself and admire her from a distance? I am not sure how she feels about me, some signs are there that she is interested in me, and some are not. It would feel nice just to at least go out with her and test the waters, but I kind of like what I have with her now even though I am kind of frustated with it. What should I do?
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10-09-2005, 06:17 PM	#2
mistyisjafo A JAFO Production Join Date: Feb 2005 Location: Orange, CA Posts: 567	I figure if you like her then ask her out. But have a casual date, something simple like go for coffee or lunch or something. You don't have to tell her you like her yet but get to know her. Worry about the other stuff later. If you don't try you may be missing out on the ONE. Ya never know. Trust me, I had to do the same thing just last month. Sad to say it didn't go over but that's ok, gotta try right?! __________________
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10-09-2005, 06:36 PM	#3
Isaac the one n only Join Date: Jan 2005 Location: Anaheim Posts: 1,236	I felt a connection with Steve the day I met him but had I not decided to try to pursue a relationship we would never be together. I think you should go for it. There is a possibility things could get awkward at school if the relationship turned sour but that might not happen. As you stated whether or not she's a member of your church (whatever church it is) does not matter. Your happiness is more important than whether or not your family approves of her. After all, you're the one that's gonna sleep with her, not them. You might feel a bit rusty at dating but there's no better way to get back in the swing of things than by practice. Start slow & ask her to hang out with you somewhere for lunch or something. Go out with her and see if you two have chemistry or not. __________________
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10-09-2005, 10:06 PM	#4
Cadaverous Pallor ohhhh baby Join Date: Jan 2005 Location: Parental Bliss Posts: 12,364	You gotta try! Like the others said, you never know. When opportunity knocks you jump for that door! If I waited for GD to call me, lord knows what would have happened.... __________________ The second star to the right shines in the night for you
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10-09-2005, 10:17 PM	#5
€uroMeinke L'Hédoniste Join Date: Jan 2005 Location: A.S.C.O.T. Posts: 8,671	Who ever does have a crush on the right person? Usually you only learn that after the fact... __________________ I would believe only in a God that knows how to Dance. Friedrich Nietzsche
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10-10-2005, 12:16 AM	#6
tracilicious avatar transition Join Date: Jan 2005 Location: in-between Posts: 2,487	Maybe you can kind of feel things out a bit before telling her how you feel. Hang out with her in groups, or on casual outings. Then if in a few weeks you still feel the same way, then by all means go for it. __________________ And now Harry, let us step into the night and pursue that flighty temptress, adventure! - Albus Dumbledore
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10-10-2005, 10:00 AM	#8
Boingonut Anyone seen my Bike? Join Date: Jan 2005 Location: Valencia, CA Posts: 100	Thanks everyone for the advice! I think lunch or something would be great way to test the waters. If she says no then I will give her some time and try again later, or I will just let it go at that and leave her alone and move on. I have enjoyed a lot of small talk and even a few deep conversations with her but not outside school, it would be nice to have a little chat somewhere else. Even though my school is a pretty small place we do seem to run into each other a lot! I also have tickets to go see Queen and I know she likes them so I think I will give that a try. I am going to see how things go next week at school before I do anything.
	Submit to Quotes

10-10-2005, 12:03 PM	#9
blueerica Nueve Join Date: Jan 2005 Posts: 6,497	What everyone has said above is very true. You don't know until you try, and I think you can be up front about the work comfort/discomfort thing early on without it being too bad. What's bad is when the relationship is way down the road and you start talking about comfort and discomfort. Coming from someone who usually addresses these sorts of issues late in the game, it's 10 times worse to do it when things are already uncomfortable. Keep things light. If it's right, it's right, and follow the signs your heart and mind tell you. Listening to them both rarely steers someone wrong. __________________ Tomorrow is the day for you and me
	Submit to Quotes

10-14-2005, 10:16 PM	#10
Boingonut Anyone seen my Bike? Join Date: Jan 2005 Location: Valencia, CA Posts: 100	Well I am starting to think that she was the wrong person after all... Last week things seemed to go very well, we were very friendly with each other during and between class, having many laughs you know. Then on Wendsday night I emailed her for the first time, in the email I asked what the area code was for her phone number since she did not write it down when she gave it to me about 2 weeks ago. I never got an answer to the email, but I thought no big deal she might have a spam blocker on her email and it did not get through. So Thursday rolls around and we are both very busy in class, and did not have a chance to speak to each other once. She was having some problems with her project and had to stay after class, so I decided to wait for her and ask her if she wanted to go to the Queen show with me. One other girl was still in the room where she was working and things got kind of weird so I just quickly asked her what her area code was. She kind of rolled her eyes as if she was thinking and then told me and I said thanks and left her alone. Now I am starting to think the eye roll thing might have been because she was annoyed with me and maybe did not include her area code on purpose. Or she could have been pissed that she had to do more work, which I understand. Nevertheless it was kind of weird. So that brings me to today. Since I did not get a chance to ask her to the show yesterday I thought I would call her and ask her. So I call at about 2 and get her voice mail. I leave a message, maybe sounding a little nervous, that I would like to talk to her and for her to call me back and that if I did not hear from her I would call tomorrow. Well I have have not got a call back. So I am starting to think that I might have read more into this then was really there. But I am hurt because I feel like she does not even want to try to be my friend outside of school. Am I jumping conclusions or are these all danger signs? I don't want her to feel like she has to distance herself from me, and as far as I know she does not know my feelings about her unless she reads this board and knows that I am Boingonut which I am sure she does not. Also as far as I know she does not know anything about me having tickets to a Queen show. I think I am going to try to call again tomorrow since I said I would still though. Any advice will help since I am kind of feeling down right now
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