I really do suck at poetry...

tracilicious · 10-31-2005, 01:29 PM

Ok, now criticize me. This is the first poem I've wrote in years, mainly because I was so traumatized by the tremendous badness of my angstful teenage poetry. I'm hesitant to post a less than happy poem for fear I'll sound depressed, when really it's just a snapshot of an emotion.

Tell me how it could be better. Word usage? Grammar? Structure? Punctuation? Or if it's just terrible then tell me that too. I can take it, don't be nice or sugar coat your criticism. Lay it on me, baby!

ETA: I know the ending is weak, but that seemed to be the hardest part. What would you have done differently?

wendybeth · 10-31-2005, 02:10 PM

I have to recuse myself from critiquing, Traci- I can give the Vogon's a run for their money in the horrid poetry department.

tracilicious · 10-31-2005, 02:38 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by wendybeth

I have to recuse myself from critiquing, Traci- I can give the Vogon's a run for their money in the horrid poetry department.

That's ok, I'll take opinions if you've got em. Or not. I just had this rolling around in my head, so I figured I'd give it it's own space.

wendybeth · 10-31-2005, 02:54 PM

To me, the poem reads like lyrics to a melancholy song, and I like it very much.

tracilicious · 10-31-2005, 02:56 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by wendybeth

To me, the poem reads like lyrics to a melancholy song, and I like it very much.

Thanks! Hmmm...I'll have Michael start on the chords....

10-31-2005, 01:29 PM	#1
tracilicious avatar transition Join Date: Jan 2005 Location: in-between Posts: 2,487	Ok, now criticize me. This is the first poem I've wrote in years, mainly because I was so traumatized by the tremendous badness of my angstful teenage poetry. I'm hesitant to post a less than happy poem for fear I'll sound depressed, when really it's just a snapshot of an emotion. Tell me how it could be better. Word usage? Grammar? Structure? Punctuation? Or if it's just terrible then tell me that too. I can take it, don't be nice or sugar coat your criticism. Lay it on me, baby! ETA: I know the ending is weak, but that seemed to be the hardest part. What would you have done differently? __________________ And now Harry, let us step into the night and pursue that flighty temptress, adventure! - Albus Dumbledore
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10-31-2005, 02:10 PM	#2
wendybeth Nevermind Join Date: Jan 2005 Posts: 7,847	I have to recuse myself from critiquing, Traci- I can give the Vogon's a run for their money in the horrid poetry department. __________________
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10-31-2005, 02:54 PM	#4
wendybeth Nevermind Join Date: Jan 2005 Posts: 7,847	To me, the poem reads like lyrics to a melancholy song, and I like it very much. __________________
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