My little Snow Pea passed away.

AllyOops! · 12-21-2005, 01:40 PM

Oh, you guys....

I mean it sincerely & with all of my heart and soul when I tell you how truly touched that I am and how much I really love you all.

I consider myself to be an emotionally pretty tough cookie, but your kind and wonderful sentiments had me in tears. I feel so fortunate not to be just part of this community, but to call each and every one of you "friend".

I've been really lonely for my little snow pea. The holiday season is especially tough, since it's usually the time of year I pine for those I've lost the most. I keep seeing little toys and goodies my little pea pod would have loved. She had a little squeaky pink fuzzy purse that she absolutely loved and use to carry everywhere (by the handle, too. It was sooo cute! ) Especially when I took her out for a ride or walk, she would always have to take her little purse like mommy. Anyways, I saw a little fuzzy mock Louie Vuitton Murakami squeaky purse that had "Chewy Vuitton" embroidered on it. It was so cute, but I had to stop myself from buying it. I have nobody to give it to. Instead, I sent a big Holiday basket packed with yummy goodies for her Veternarian and the hospital staff, wishing them a Merry Christmas and thanking them again for all that they did to make my little pea pod's life a comfortable one. At least I got to buy a Christmas gift in my pumpkin pie's honor.

My eyes are filled with tears right now.

It will be hard not to hang her little stocking. Hard to not see her sleeping all blissfully under the tree this year. Hard not to watch her little begging, pleading eyes try to score copious amounts of Christmas ham & turkey (I always stuffed her little belly with plenty.)

The hardest part is coming home to an empty house. Sleeping in a bed that's now empty. Colder. I used to allow her to sleep at the foot of my bed, but she totally felt entitled to the head of the bed, where she'd sleep in the same position as me and lay her head on the pillow. Then she'd kick me off the side practically. I miss being kicked.

I'm so grateful to have you ALL in my life. I can't think of a better Christmas gift then the support and kind words I've received from you all.

I love you!

AllyOops! · 12-21-2005, 01:45 PM

I'm nervous to admit this, but I'm also troubled by horrifying and graphic nightmares lately, and I wish I knew what they meant. In almost all of them, I go into my backyard, and I'm shocked to see my little snow pea, and my other late Lab, Doc, laying on the patio. They are happy, but dirty and skinny because I thought they had passed away. However, they were alive all this time and I didn't know. I never even fed them. I wake up wanting to cry because in real life my purpose and joy was taking care of my babies. Why does this happen in my dreams? In my other recurring nightmare, the same thing happens, but my little snow pea rolls over on her side and I can see through her, inside of her. She's intact, but I can see her ribs, her EVERYTHING. I see that she's sick inside and I try to rush her to the doctor's but my Stepdad tells me she probably won't make it in time. I collapse crying in his arms and tell him "I can't go through losing her again."

Why am I such an awful guardian in my dreams? Why did I just share that?

Am I alone? Has anybody gone through this? Sometimes I have wonderful, warm & pleasant dreams where I'm visited by those that I've lost. Other times, I have the kind of nightmares that actually have me wake up shaking. When I think of them, I actually begin to cry. They are just that vivid.

Is there something wrong with me?

12-21-2005, 01:40 PM	#1
AllyOops! It's Peanut Butter Jelly Time!!! Join Date: Jan 2005 Location: Introspection Intersection Posts: 1,207	Oh, you guys.... I mean it sincerely & with all of my heart and soul when I tell you how truly touched that I am and how much I really love you all. I consider myself to be an emotionally pretty tough cookie, but your kind and wonderful sentiments had me in tears. I feel so fortunate not to be just part of this community, but to call each and every one of you "friend". I've been really lonely for my little snow pea. The holiday season is especially tough, since it's usually the time of year I pine for those I've lost the most. I keep seeing little toys and goodies my little pea pod would have loved. She had a little squeaky pink fuzzy purse that she absolutely loved and use to carry everywhere (by the handle, too. It was sooo cute! ) Especially when I took her out for a ride or walk, she would always have to take her little purse like mommy. Anyways, I saw a little fuzzy mock Louie Vuitton Murakami squeaky purse that had "Chewy Vuitton" embroidered on it. It was so cute, but I had to stop myself from buying it. I have nobody to give it to. Instead, I sent a big Holiday basket packed with yummy goodies for her Veternarian and the hospital staff, wishing them a Merry Christmas and thanking them again for all that they did to make my little pea pod's life a comfortable one. At least I got to buy a Christmas gift in my pumpkin pie's honor. My eyes are filled with tears right now. It will be hard not to hang her little stocking. Hard to not see her sleeping all blissfully under the tree this year. Hard not to watch her little begging, pleading eyes try to score copious amounts of Christmas ham & turkey (I always stuffed her little belly with plenty.) The hardest part is coming home to an empty house. Sleeping in a bed that's now empty. Colder. I used to allow her to sleep at the foot of my bed, but she totally felt entitled to the head of the bed, where she'd sleep in the same position as me and lay her head on the pillow. Then she'd kick me off the side practically. I miss being kicked. I'm so grateful to have you ALL in my life. I can't think of a better Christmas gift then the support and kind words I've received from you all. I love you!
	Submit to Quotes

12-21-2005, 01:45 PM	#2
AllyOops! It's Peanut Butter Jelly Time!!! Join Date: Jan 2005 Location: Introspection Intersection Posts: 1,207	I'm nervous to admit this, but I'm also troubled by horrifying and graphic nightmares lately, and I wish I knew what they meant. In almost all of them, I go into my backyard, and I'm shocked to see my little snow pea, and my other late Lab, Doc, laying on the patio. They are happy, but dirty and skinny because I thought they had passed away. However, they were alive all this time and I didn't know. I never even fed them. I wake up wanting to cry because in real life my purpose and joy was taking care of my babies. Why does this happen in my dreams? In my other recurring nightmare, the same thing happens, but my little snow pea rolls over on her side and I can see through her, inside of her. She's intact, but I can see her ribs, her EVERYTHING. I see that she's sick inside and I try to rush her to the doctor's but my Stepdad tells me she probably won't make it in time. I collapse crying in his arms and tell him "I can't go through losing her again." Why am I such an awful guardian in my dreams? Why did I just share that? Am I alone? Has anybody gone through this? Sometimes I have wonderful, warm & pleasant dreams where I'm visited by those that I've lost. Other times, I have the kind of nightmares that actually have me wake up shaking. When I think of them, I actually begin to cry. They are just that vivid. Is there something wrong with me?
	Submit to Quotes