worst.skipper.ever.

Motorboat Cruiser · 02-20-2006, 12:04 AM

Wow, just....wow.

Even with a thread title like "worst.skipper.ever", I grossly underestimated how bad this was going to be. I disagree with Alex. I haven't heard worse.

I generally love the Jungle Cruise. One of my favorites actually. It pains me that great skippers are a rarity anymore. These days, I feel lucky when I hear a new joke.

Alex · 02-20-2006, 09:49 AM

I didn't mean to imply I'd heard worse than this one, I meant that even though I don't think I've ever heard a "good spiel" this is a really, really bad one.

innerSpaceman · 02-20-2006, 11:24 AM

(Nighttime. The Jungle Cruise. Circa 2005)

"We are approaching the dangerous bend in the river where the hippopotimus raise their young. Hippos are very wary and easily startled when protecting their calves, and are at their most treacherous when the babies are very young. We must proceed cautiously"

The wily Jungle Cruise skipper then douses the lights aboard the Irriwadi Queen and putters ever so slowly into the hazardous pool beyond. The launch's motor is cut. It is pitch black. Completely silent. Not even bubbles betray the presence of any hippos. We drift through the pool so stealthily and slowly that we wonder what has happened to all the other boats that should be coming up behind.

There are none. No sound, no movement disturbs the eerie stillness of the hippo pool.

We drift through the pitch darkness of the pool for several minutes. Then we hear it ... perhaps from the far shore, perhaps from the very prow of our boat ... we can't be sure. But the sound is clear.

"Maaaama"

"Maaaaaama"

"mama?"

"mama?"

BANG!![/gunshot]

"Got him."

The satisfied pilot throttles up again, and we leave the deadly hippo pool behind.

(An excerpt from my favorite Jungle Cruise spiel ever)

02-20-2006, 12:04 AM	#1
Motorboat Cruiser Cruiser of Motorboats Join Date: Jan 2005 Location: So Cal Posts: 3,665	Wow, just....wow. Even with a thread title like "worst.skipper.ever", I grossly underestimated how bad this was going to be. I disagree with Alex. I haven't heard worse. I generally love the Jungle Cruise. One of my favorites actually. It pains me that great skippers are a rarity anymore. These days, I feel lucky when I hear a new joke.
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02-20-2006, 09:49 AM	#2
Alex . Join Date: Feb 2005 Posts: 13,354	I didn't mean to imply I'd heard worse than this one, I meant that even though I don't think I've ever heard a "good spiel" this is a really, really bad one.
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02-20-2006, 11:24 AM	#3
innerSpaceman Kink of Swank Join Date: Jan 2005 Location: Inner Space Posts: 13,075	(Nighttime. The Jungle Cruise. Circa 2005) "We are approaching the dangerous bend in the river where the hippopotimus raise their young. Hippos are very wary and easily startled when protecting their calves, and are at their most treacherous when the babies are very young. We must proceed cautiously" The wily Jungle Cruise skipper then douses the lights aboard the Irriwadi Queen and putters ever so slowly into the hazardous pool beyond. The launch's motor is cut. It is pitch black. Completely silent. Not even bubbles betray the presence of any hippos. We drift through the pool so stealthily and slowly that we wonder what has happened to all the other boats that should be coming up behind. There are none. No sound, no movement disturbs the eerie stillness of the hippo pool. We drift through the pitch darkness of the pool for several minutes. Then we hear it ... perhaps from the far shore, perhaps from the very prow of our boat ... we can't be sure. But the sound is clear. "Maaaama" "Maaaaaama" "mama?" "mama?" BANG!![/gunshot] "Got him." The satisfied pilot throttles up again, and we leave the deadly hippo pool behind. (An excerpt from my favorite Jungle Cruise spiel ever)
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