It's not fair

[Snowflake]

I wish I had some wisdom to impart. I can impart <<<<hugs>>>> and support in the form of good thoughts and prayers for you and your baby brother.

Whoever said life was not fair was damn right in this case.

I can hope that somehow, something can be done to arrest the growth of the tumors and help with regrowth of lost muscle tissue.

Then again, hopefully there is some way from your brother to adapt for hiking, after all, people without limbs hike, ski, bike, and rock climb!

My prayers are with you Pru, and brother too!

Oh, and NOT YOUR FAULT. Do not feel guilty.

[Gemini Cricket]

It's not easy when a younger sibling is going through a lot of hard times. It's hard not to absorb the sad stuff. But you have to try as hard as possible not to let it drain you. It is hugely sad and painful, but now is the time to be strong for your bro. Be strong for him and for yourself. Because the sad stuff will only eat away at you and your own mental state and leave you incapacitated to help him to the fullest of your potential.

My little sister does really stupid things some times and I worry for her a lot. But I realized that overworrying only makes the worry come out by accident when I'm speaking with her. That usually makes her feel worse. I just suck it up and stay supportive. My lil sister has lupus and it makes me sad all the time, but not when I'm talking to her. (I'm an actor after all...)

Nothing you can do can fix his ailment physically. But you bet your bottom dollar that there's lots you can do to help his mental and emotional state. Take some time to work through your grief and guilt and then give him a happy call or visit. Don't talk about the physical status of his hip for longer than a few moments and then spend the rest of the time bonding with him and being happy. Because maybe he wants to take his mind off of it.

I hope I'm not sounding insensitive. But I'm trying to put myself in your place and come up with a plan of action. And that's what I would do.

Hugs to you, dear Prudence. Hang in there. Chin up, M'Dear.

[Scrooge McSam]

{{{{Pru}}}} No, it's not fair.

[Moonliner]

Could you please better define: "miraculous healing". I truly hope your family is not waisting time and financial resources while the tumor continues to grow inside him on things like faith healers and south of the border clinics. While modern medicine obviously can't cure everything, an aggressive tumor, as you described, is best treated by invasive surgery. It sucks, it's not fair, and yes it's far from a perfect solution but it is still your best option.

Best of luck to both of you, and please keep us updated.

[Prudence]

Originally Posted by Moonliner

Could you please better define: "miraculous healing". I truly hope your family is not waisting time and financial resources while the tumor continues to grow inside him on things like faith healers and south of the border clinics. While modern medicine obviously can't cure everything, an aggressive tumor, as you described, is best treated by invasive surgery. It sucks, it's not fair, and yes it's far from a perfect solution but it is still your best option.

(sigh) I thought I made explicit that he would, of course, be seeing the oncologist. However, since the medical options aren't particularly attractive, he would prefer that it just go away. He's very religious. However, he's also a scientist. He's not a wackadoo nut. But he doesn't see anything wrong with praying for a miraculous recovery between now and the date of surgery. As far as I know, one can hope for a miracle without abandoning conventional treatments.

[Moonliner]

Originally Posted by Prudence

(sigh) I thought I made explicit that he would, of course, be seeing the oncologist. However, since the medical options aren't particularly attractive, he would prefer that it just go away. He's very religious. However, he's also a scientist. He's not a wackadoo nut. But he doesn't see anything wrong with praying for a miraculous recovery between now and the date of surgery. As far as I know, one can hope for a miracle without abandoning conventional treatments.

Of course you are correct, I interpreted "when he gets back he'll see the oncologist" to mean that he would be delaying treatment while searching for a miraculous cure. I expect I have a blind spot here because I loath all of these "spiritual" clinics that prey on the despondent for what financial resources they have and do nothing but harm patients.

[Prudence]

Originally Posted by Moonliner

Of course you are correct, I interpreted "when he gets back he'll see the oncologist" to mean that he would be delaying treatment while searching for a miraculous cure. I expect I have a blind spot here because I loath all of these "spiritual" clinics that prey on the despondent for what financial resources they have and do nothing but harm patients.

Nope - just taking off for a pre-scheduled trip to Glacier, Montana with the in-laws. (No accounting for taste.) Given the circumstances, he's not interested in delaying the trip and one more week probably won't make a difference.

Fear not, the Zobrists are a well-educated, mostly rational clan. Hell's bells - we collect cancers like ... something that collects a lot. Apparently my grandmother had discussions with a mayo clinic at some point, because family cancer clusters are common, but family cancer clusters where the cancers are all different is another story.

So confession - this is part of why I'm so terrified. Everyone in the family gets cancer. I've always assumed I would too, eventually. But my brother - no one's ever had it this young. I worry for him, but I also worry for me.

[Gemini Cricket]

Just to add a taste of levity to this thread...

One of my grandfather's favorite expressions:
"It's not right and it's not fair. Like a Hawaiian's left leg."


(I discovered later that he got that joke from an Agatha Christie movie 'Evil Under the Sun'.)

[LSPoorEeyorick]

Oh, lady. I am so sorry to hear this. It's not fair at all. Frankly, it sucks. Please know that I am sending many things-- hugs, thought, prayers, energy, among others-- in your direction, and your brother's. I am so angry at the world sometimes. Why can't it play nice?

[DreadPirateRoberts]

I'm sorry. I know how you feel. My younger sister had non-hodgkins lymphoma, and may times I wondered: why her? why do these things happen?

I wish I could tell you something to make you feel better.