It's not fair

[Prudence]

So my brother has a tumor. He had this tumor before, and we were all terribly relieved that it was benign. A grapefruit-sized lump of benign right on his hip joint. So he had surgery, the took it out, and all was supposed to be better.

Except that this particular type of tumor, while benign, is persistently recurrent. It grows back. And the problem is that each time you take it out, to get it all you have to take some of the surrounding tissue. Muscle, in this case. And while the tumor re-grows with vigor, the muscle won't.

And it grows back quickly. I can't remember the exact timeline, but it wasn't that long ago that he had the first tumor removed.

So he went to have it looked at today, and they're concerned. Whether benign or malignant, it's extremely aggressive. Benign, in this case, isn't really that reassuring. The likely scenario is that to get it all they're going to have to remove the entire muscle group.

And my baby brother, who is only 28, is going to walk with a cane - at best - for the rest of his life. My brother, loves hiking in southwestern national parks - like Zion, Arches, etc... - even more than he loves Disney. My brother who works in forestry.

And fvck it all - it's my baby brother. *I* am the eldest. This should be happening to me. It's not fair. I don't love to hike. I would be perfectly happy never hiking again.

And this is all assuming it's benign this time, and we won't know that until they do another biopsy.

So whatever it is that you do when you hear things like this, could you please do it?

(x-posted to LJ)

[innerSpaceman]

Well, first I cry like a blubbering fool. I'm on that one.

The rest, I will do forthwith ... hopefully with better result. All my prayers, and hopes and faith and love.

[wendybeth]

((((((((Pru))))))))

I'll certainly be pulling for and praying for him as well, Prudence. I'm so sorry- even the better case scenario doesn't sound so hot, especially for such a young, active guy. Please keep us updated, okay?

[Not Afraid]

Not fair at all.

((((((((Pru and Bro))))))))))

[scaeagles]

Certainly heart breaking.

May I inquire as to where he is receiving treatment? Having access to the best in the field makes all the difference in the world.

[JWBear]

<<<HUGS>>>

[Prudence]

Thanks all. I should be busy feeling all supportive and I'm consumed with guilt. *I* was the wild child who made bad, dangerous choices and he's always been the good, upstanding citizen. Never caused worry, always did the right thing. Hell, forestry only barely squeaked out over ministry. It's not fair that this is happening to him. I'm the one that deserves it. And I can't protect him and I can't make him better and I can't take it away and it's not fair and I just want to scream at my God for letting this happen to him.

I won't know any details for awhile. He's leaving early tomorrow to spend a week with the in-laws in a cabin in Montana. He just got back from a mega hiking trip through Utah. We just saw the photos Sunday - all these places they hiked to, the warning signs indicated certain death, hearing about him leaning over cliffs to take photos while my sister-in-law held one to his belt - all these conquests. And these two trips might be the last ones he takes.

I know he's probably not dying, and certainly it could be worse. But it makes me so angry. I'm rambling and it's hard to type.

So - I won't know anything for awhile. It's a week until he gets back and then he has to arrange to see a specialist. I don't know how quickly he'll be seen - I don't have many details yet (he didn't want to talk, so I heard everything from my Dad, the master of omission; Mom was probably too upset to talk). I don't know anything about his care at the moment. I still have my connections in the nursing school, so I'll have whoever he seeing checked out.

[Ghoulish Delight]

Gah, this hits so close to home I can't even organize my thoughts into a response. Easier said than done, but I try to remind myself that thoughts of guilt, regret, or "if only" are counterproductive. Make lemonade, and all that.

[Motorboat Cruiser]

I wish I could say something wise but I'm at a loss for words as well. We will keep you and your brother in our thoughts and prayers and hope for the best outcome possible. That's a terribly young age to be facing something like this.

Just take it one day at a time, Prudence, and please keep us updated.

[Prudence]

Kevin sent out one batch of info via email before he left - so, one last update before the specialist.

"As for other treatment options, this type of tumor is not something that can
be treated with chemotherapy. Radiation is possible, but it would be in
addition to the surgery (not instead of), of questionable benefit for
treating the tumor, and would kill the cells in the hip socket, forcing a
hip replacement in 5-10 years so that is definitely not a good option.

To summarize, the options are surgery and the subsequent permanent
disability, or leave the tumor, which the doctor does not feel is a safe
choice at this point."

With the aggressive growth, they're concerned that it will become malignant, if it hasn't already. Frankly, at this point he feels his best option is miraculous healing, although obviously he'll be seeing the oncologist(s) when he returns.

Meanwhile, I'll be knitting a pair of socks for him.