Your first boyfriend or girlfriend

[Betty]

Originally Posted by Strangler Lewis

How do they meet at school if he goes to a different school? Maybe he's a sophomore at a JC and goes to night school.

I disagree with Scaeagles somewhat in that I think the need for a boyfriend or girlfriend is in inverse proportion to the maturity of the kid. Around here, we seem to have the junior high kids with lots of activities who do not appear to have boyfriends/girlfriends and the ones who hang out in the minimall with nothing to do except socialize, yak on cell phones and pour soda on the girls or scream invitingly for said pouring.

I'm a few years away from having to deal with this, but I'd probably tend towards 3894's rule.

School starts earlier for them so they are let out earlier. I think it's done to accomdate bussing schedules as none of the schools in corona have the same start times. My son, in 5th grade, has school start at 9:05 for example. Amy's school starts at 7:30.

We are encouraging her to participate in any and all school activities as she would like - sports in particular. That way she can have the supervision and activities and fill up some of that time.

[Betty]

Originally Posted by Morrigoon

I supposedly had a "boyfriend" when I was 13 or 14. Didn't amount to much although he made me a mix tape and suffered through my dance recital. I know we didn't kiss, because I was 18 and in jr. college when I got my first real boyfriend kiss from my first "real" boyfriend.

But yeah, "dating" at 13 can be pretty innocent, it doesn't have to be a bad thing. It depends on how committed your daughter is to not "giving in" before her time.

Certainly reading the Twilight books gave her an example to wait when other girls she knows (that are not her friend) have already had abortions. (or at least they claim that - who can tell for sure.) We talked about birth control a few times and I tend to get this "it doesn't really apply to me" attitude because I'm waiting until I get married. I know that can all change though so I'm telling her all about it anyway. If anything, it makes it easier to talk about the more I do it.

Loving the comments and advice though. I need to hear other experiences besides my husbands and my own.

And again, I'm really liking the group outings thing until she's 16. Good advice.

[LSPoorEeyorick]

I was, as in 3894's household, not allowed to date until my sixteenth birthday. Since it was somewhat a rite of passage in my family, I think I would've been sad if I spent that birthday with my parents. Fortunately for me, my first romance blossomed slightly before my birthday (and I dated him for two and a half years, treating it very seriously.) Looking back at it now, I definitely wish I hadn't been so serious about it. I liked having a boyfriend throughout high school and I really liked him at the time, but I definitely was crushed at the end (a week before I was to join him at his college.) And instead of knowing how to bounce back and forth and date informally, I became a bit destructive with my dating habits.

My mom wanted to be very open about sexuality with me (all the while preaching abstinence) so she was waiting for me at home and wanted to talk about every date.

[Not Afraid]

My first date was with a guy I didn't like, but he called my Mom to ask me out (my excuse to him had been that I wasn't allowed to date until I was 16). I ended up going to a Peter Frampton concert at the Big A with row Z seats. It was not a very fun experience and I never went out with him again - Mom be damned.

[alphabassettgrrl]

My first boyfriend was a couple months before my 16th birthday. He broke it off just before my b-day. Whatever. My first serious boyfriend was the next summer; lasted a couple years.

Not really sure who to count as first girlfriend. Haven't really had that level of officialness with any of them yet.

[Isaac]

[ToriBear]

Originally Posted by wendybeth

I was 21 and was an innocent angel until then. I married him, and he is the daddy to ToriBear, my 13 year old girl who posts here and who I hope reads this and actually believes it.

Mmmmhmmmm, rriigghhttt. Like you were an innocent angel. (Rolls eyes)
Coming from the woman who had a new boyfriend every week when she was younger.
I have yet to have a boyfriend due to the fact that mom keeps scaring them off Jk.

[3894]

Originally Posted by Betty

I'm curious though - does your "no dating" rule mean no boyfriend - or was a boyfriend fine but they just couldn't be alone together.

No exclusive relationships, even if going together in a group setting, is probably the best way to put it. We also were really happy to drive the group of kids to the movies or the skating rink or whatever they were going to do.

Also - if they went out as a mixed group, how could you be sure they weren't just saying that upfront and then not getting some alone time in?

You can't be sure. We did pay attention to who our daughters were IMing with or talking on the phone with. We also reinforced how this was the time to meet many kids.

The #1 thing with teens is to give them your time. Let them know you are keeping tabs on them - not spying or prying but keeping tabs. Teens want you less than younger children but they need you even more.

Good luck on your decisions, all parents of teens out there!

[wendybeth]

Originally Posted by ToriBear

Mmmmhmmmm, rriigghhttt. Like you were an innocent angel. (Rolls eyes)
Coming from the woman who had a new boyfriend every week when she was younger.
I have yet to have a boyfriend due to the fact that mom keeps scaring them off Jk.

I don't scare off potential boyfriends- that's your Dad's job.

[scaeagles]

It's not just a job.....It is the highest calling of ALL dads.