Body Image...

[wendybeth]

I think competition is fine, Pru- it can even be healthy. That is, provided it's based on merit and performance rather than through manipulative action or good looks. (Unless one is playing 'Survivor', of course. )

[€uroMeinke]

So more random thoughts from one of the only guys posting here:

Seems physical beauty is often a foot-in-the-door sort of advantage - get's people to look and pay attention. I've certainly heard from a lot of people on the online dating front, that the profile picture was important for them to initiate any contact - or at least accurate physical descriptions.

I think there's also a youth component along with beauty. I know for myself seeing the physical signs of aging on my body has been the more recent source of distress for me. Last week I noticed that the skin on the backs of my hands was looking "old" and that alone made me go sown a path of thinking I was becoming less attractive - or more realistically mortal advancing another day closer to my death. So there are things about me I wonder if there's anything I can do. I mean sure I can lose weight - but those ear hairs that showed up on my 30th birthday are still coming back, grooves are becoming more permanent as my skin loses it's elasticity adn I start to wonder how my skin would hang if I ever did lose the weight I'd hope to.

Getting old sucks and yet it's a path we're all on.

[3894]

Originally Posted by €uroMeinke

Getting old sucks and yet it's a path we're all on.

And yet, age has its rewards. A vintage broad such as myself doesn't look twice at a boy. But a man of experience? He turns my head.

[blueerica]

You know, I think the whole competition thing is what has kept me from having very many female friends. Those that I do have are generally able to limit the cattiness, which I can't stand. I do have to say, I have more female since I joined this fine group. Prior to that, I think I only had one or two females I really talked to on a regular basis - outside of family, of course..

[CoasterMatt]

Originally Posted by Prudence

And drop the "there can be only one" mentality.

For some reason, this conjures up a horrific image of Christopher Lambert in drag.

[innerSpaceman]

I hope it's ok for a guy to jump in here and say that body image problems are not exclusive to women (though they may be endemic to them)


But yeah, being a 5foot6 guy in a world of American men, i have had body issues bordering on (and sometimes crossing into) neuroses for decades.

And it's not like I ignore positives like the fact I look (if I do say so myself) about a decade younger than the "norm" for my age in years.


So the good stands alongside the bad. And just like in the world of news ... the bad gets most of the attention. It's the same with the male hair patten oddities I likely have from a lower testosterone level ... do I focus on the fortune that I'm nowhere near bald at my age? No, I stress over the fact that I don't have sideburns and couldn't grow a beard on a bet.

I try not to give it too much focus, and it helps to know that we all focus on our personal negatives that no one else in the world really notices or cares about. But being back in the dating game doesn't help my success rate with keeping these neuroses under control.


Ugh, perhaps if I lived in Tokyo ... but I often feel like a hobbit living in Los Angeles.



Ok, enough with the confessional.


The important thing is that WHO we ARE is what makes us attractive or not. And really, the things we obsess about regarding our physical appearance are rarely a concern to anyone else but us.

[Cadaverous Pallor]

It wasn't too long ago that Hobbits were hot - I'm sure you can still work that angle.

I think we LoT women do a pretty good job of not being catty with each other...this is definitely the largest group of women that I've ever counted as actual friends.

Interesting how Pru brings up competition regarding our other attributes. To me, this can be every bit as destructive. I've always had issues regarding how "good" I am, judging how diligent I am in all sorts of areas, from keeping the house clean to making good use of my spare time to getting to bed on time. I'm actually quite a lazy person (by my own estimation) and all the overthinking just gives me issues.

Originally Posted by tracilicious

I'm eating super healthy lately and exercising more, but it feels now like an act of self care rather than self violence.

I love this observation. In recent times I've been able to classify self-improvement in a much more positive light and that's what makes the difference. Not "I suck and I need to fix me", but "I care about myself enough to be the best I can be."

[Morrigoon]

I definitely have my insecurities, but the more I listen to other women expose theirs, the more confident in myself I realize I actually am. Would I like to be thin and able to run around in a bikini? Sure. Do I place a high enough priority on it that I would be willing to go through what it would take to get there?

F* no.

And I think it is that realization that somehow makes me realize that I'm really pretty okay with myself. My appearance frustrations usually stem from the lack of availability of the kinds of cute clothes I like to cover myself in, in my size. When I see things which I think, "hey, that would look cute on me in my size", and then I realize that the designers or the store's buyers didn't agree because they don't have it in my size, it frustrates me. But that frustration stems more from how the world sees me and my size than it does from how *I* see it. I want to be me, and I don't want the world telling me that I should not like ME as well as I do.

I'm every fat-haters nightmare

(I do have an insecurity related to a baby tooth I have where the real one never came in, and I technically have a tooth in the right spot but sometimes it gives the impression of a missing tooth. And my left eye is squinty. But both those only really bother me much in photos which only capture a single impression of a person, rather than a moving profile)

[Not Afraid]

I was at an event today where there were stylists and make up artists. As the day wore on, we ran out of customers and started talking to each other. I was trying out some mineral make-up and hated the way it make me look. It was probably the first time I preferred myself without make-up than with it. (Of course, make-up does not include lipstick for me because that's not make-up, it's a necessity!) I used to love playing with make-up but I'm definitely in the less is more school at the moment except for lipstick - which I LOVE a strong, defined mouth).

[tracilicious]

Originally Posted by Morrigoon

(I do have an insecurity related to a baby tooth I have where the real one never came in, and I technically have a tooth in the right spot but sometimes it gives the impression of a missing tooth. And my left eye is squinty. But both those only really bother me much in photos which only capture a single impression of a person, rather than a moving profile)

I have that exact same insecurity! (The tooth, not the eye.)