Question for gay men

[blueerica]

I think actual attractions to persons, rather than body parts, lies more in the personality, at least for a majority of women. Looks certainly play a part, and throughout our lives we memorize our own versions of what a comedian looks like, what a family guy looks like, what a nerdy girl looks like, who's bookish... who's an a$$hole... and that becomes a part of the internal conversation that goes on when first appraising someone.

I can honestly say that J is the comedian, who has just enough a$$hole to keep me interested, but is the kind of guy who likes dogs and cats. Had I looked at him more closely the first time, I might have saw that, but I just saw the comedian. And that was good enough for me.

Now, back to boobies...? I like breasts...

[Ghoulish Delight]

Originally Posted by Alex

I understand "classicly" attractive men and can predict that.

Well, yeah, I suppose in that sense I'm not completely blind. I mean, I have no problem figuring out that Tom Brady and the Abercombie models are guys that most women/gay men will find attractive.

What I am blind to is identifying and distinguishing the details that account for personal taste. For instance, I know that CP's taste in men differs from the average woman, she is rarely attracted to the men that are presented by most media as attractive. I know that much. But even after 12 years together, I routinely fail to correctly guess who she DOES find attractive. You'd think by now, but nope.

I suppose it's because I am simply not familiar enough with the details of men's appearance. I don't really pay that much attention to them, so I'm not attuned to the subtle differences that people who actually find them attractive can see.

When I do see a man that I can identify as attractive, it's an entirely different identification than when I see a woman I find attractive. It's always, "Yep, chicks will dig him," not, "Yep, that's attractive." I think the best analogy is when I see a well executed example of a style I don't like. "Hey, that's a really well done country-kitsch kitchen. I would kill myself if I had to live in it, but I can see why someone who likes that sort of thing would dig it."

[Kevy Baby]

Originally Posted by innerSpaceman

Straight women seem to know very well when another woman is attractive, even if they are not personally attracted to them. I think many straight men (GD and others exempted) are completely aware of what makes a man attractive, and full well know it when they see it.

I believe that there is an overall societal stigma against ANYTHING reflecting possible male-to-male attraction; even something as simple as acknowledging that another man might be attractive. To do so would imply a homosexuality and that would be considered perverse or unacceptable behavior. I am definitely not agreeing with this, I just see it in a generalized sense.

Whereas that same society thinks it is fine for women to be able to make attractiveness judgments about other women without thinking that there is any homosexuality/perversion/etc. involved.

Overall, I believe that our society as a whole has historically more readily accepted lesbian relationships than homosexual relationships*. Not that it is a black and white issue, more of a "lesbian relationships are slightly less unacceptable than gay relationships." Think about when we were kids: if a girl played with boy toys, she was just a tomboy. But if a boy wanted to play with Barbie, there was something wrong with him.

Further, we see a much higher level of acceptance of "bi-curious" females than "bi-curious" males.

Many years ago, when I was a DJ for a swingers group** (no, not the kind of swinging that Lindyhop enjoys), the rough estimate was that 70-80% of the women were bisexual and this was normal (for this group) and fully accepted. However (in what I always considered a hypocrisy), ANY contact between men was verboten.

Personally, I am able to look at some men and think they are attractive. I have found (as one might expect of a couple together for 22 years) that many of the traits I find attractive in a man are shared with my wife: what she likes I tend to like and what she dislikes, I tend to dislike. Neither of us like the big massive body builders. She goes nuts for Brendan Frasier in George of the Jungle (yes, it is at best a mediocre movie, but it is ALL about how he looks) and I too think he looks hot.

But I think my attitude is because I have made a conscious effort to get in touch with my feminine side. No, this has nothing to do with my sexuality (although it has affected it), but more about being in touch with my softer, compassionate, etc traits. I hold the belief that we ALL have both masculine and feminine traits, but that society has forced us to only identify with our gender.





* One thing I have never had a solid handle on is the nomenclature of gay relationships. Two women together are generally labeled "lesbians", which is a definitive indicator that it is two women. But there is not (that I am aware of) a specific and commonly used (outside of slang terms) man-to-man label that is truly applicable to men only. Often, the labels "gay" and "homosexual" are used for man-to-man relationships, but both of these technically apply to either gender. Am I missing or forgetting something?

** No, I never partook in any of the activities (other than the occasional woman giving me a grope or display), but boy did I see a lot!

[BarTopDancer]

Viggo outside of Aragon is not attractive to me. As Aragon he has long hair and is scruffy. It's odd that I find him attractive as Aragorn because I prefer short hair and clean shaven. Patrick Dempsey over Brad Pitt any day. Josh Holloway is smokin hot too.

Physically I prefer tall, short dark hair, "average build". And anyone who knows me knows I'm a sucker for a southern accent.

I can appriciate a beautiful woman and a nice set of boobs even though they do nothing for me.

[Ghoulish Delight]

Getting back to the topic of the OP...

Boobies!

You know, I am of course a fan of boobies, but I'm not much of a boob man. I'm more of a total package kinda guy, and honestly anything over a C cup is approaching the "too big for my taste" range. But in general, as long as they aren't distractingly bad boobs, they're not particularly high on my list of qualifications for a visually attractive woman.

[JWBear]

Originally Posted by Kevy Baby

...Many years ago, when I was a DJ for a swingers group** (no, not the kind of swinging that Lindyhop enjoys), the rough estimate was that 70-80% of the women were bisexual and this was normal (for this group) and fully accepted. However (in what I always considered a hypocrisy), ANY contact between men was verboten....

Traditionally, men have been considered superior to women (not what I believe, by any means - just an historical fact). I think that the perception was (and still is, for many) that when two men have sex, one of them “must” be penetrated; and if a man is penetrated, he is now lowered to the status of a woman. But if two women have sex, they remain at an equal status – or one may even gain near male status if they are “the butch one”. Less of a stigma for woman on woman sex.

[blueerica]

Interesting perspective on it, JW... I guess it's my (until now) unspoken impression of other people's 'stigma.'

[innerSpaceman]

Originally Posted by LSPoorEeyorick

I'm sorry, you have GOT to demonstrate that for us sometime.

I don't think it can be predicted. Ahem and oh my, I surprised even myself!

Originally Posted by LSPoorEeyorick

And that was probably more than you ever wanted to know about me. Ah well. There it is.

Well, one good TMI deserves another. And au contraire, I loved learning this about you!

[JWBear]

I just want to make it clear that I absolutly do not agree with the world view I outlined above. But many many people still do think that way, even if they do not realize it.

[innerSpaceman]

No, that's a very interesting take on why the stigma has arisen historically .. which seems to me a partial source of the continuing problem.


Kevy, i think an exclusively male term for homosexual is FAGGOT.

Or is that slang??