Bachelor Party Question

Betty · 04-08-2010, 07:56 AM

I would like the tap into the opinions of my fellow LoTer's and see what you think...

My husbands good friend from high school made him best man about 10 years ago when he married the first time. My husband threw him a bachelor party at the time.

Friend was married about 5 years and got a divorce. (he wanted kids - she did not.)

Not long after that he met the new girl and they've been living together for many years and have 2 small children.

They are finally getting married and my husband is the best man again. The groom has stated that some of his other friends are wondering when the bachelor party will be...

Under these circumstances, where the groom hasn't actually been a bachelor for quite a while, does he typically get thrown a bachelor party?

I should note that my husband was asked to be best man (again) sometime last year when he was still employed - so on top of this are also money concerns on our side that if he is "supposed" to throw a bachelor party, how will we ever afford to do it?

Alex · 04-08-2010, 08:09 AM

I'm not steeped in the social requirements of weddings (I run from them as much as possible and have been pretty successful) and have never been to a bachelor party. So take that grain with my advice:

I'd say to the groom:

I'd be happy to organize a bachelor party for you, but as you know things are economically tough for me right now so I can't do anything that costs more than a pittance [note: don't actually say pittance, it'll get him mocked]. So, we can do a relatively cheap home based party with friends or you can tell me what you'd like and how we might go about paying for it.

And if that's not acceptable be willing to resign the position so that he can find a best man who will more properly fill the role.

As another caveat, at my first wedding I did have a best man but I honestly have no memory of him being involved in anything other than standing there for five minutes (the only reason I remember who it was is because he is my first wife's second husband, which is my most cherished Jerry Springer life story).

Ghoulish Delight · 04-08-2010, 08:52 AM

What Alex said makes a lot of sense. I doubt that there's a "supposed to" for 2nd marriages, but if that's what his friend wants, then that's what his friend wants, I don't think it really matters whether it's "traditional" or not. But it's best to be up front about the financial aspect of it and make sure everyone's on the same page.

Betty · 04-08-2010, 10:49 AM

Apparently it's not so much about the money - he could (and would be expected to) round up friends to contribute.

It's more about him not being a bachelor now... hasn't been for years... he did this for him when he was a bachelor and doesn't want to do it again.

I think to sum it up - Men don't like to be party organizeers... or at least mine doesn't.

So, what you're saying about him bailing on being best man may be where we end up. Which I'm hoping wouldn't spoil their friendship... although again, this is a high school friend and someone he likes but sees maybe once or twice a year.

Alex · 04-08-2010, 11:09 AM

If the groom were organizing the bachelor party would he attend?

If so, and it is purely about not wanting to do the work of organizing it, I'd say to him "suck it up and stop whining."

Like I said above, I have no interest in bachelor parties myself but if I did agree to be a best man I would do so knowing that this is part of what may be expected of me. I'm not aware of any aspect of the bachelor party tradition that is reliant on what level of living the bachelor lifestyle the groom has been at.

On the other hand, if the honor of being his best man isn't a fair trade of the hassle of organizing party (if the groom wants it) then I'd wonder if the groom had picked well as it would seem the regard is a little one sided.

Personally, my breaking point would be a toast. I'd perhaps be willing to take a bullet for the groom but I'd still not do a toast so if that was mandatory they'd have to go find someone else.

BarTopDancer · 04-08-2010, 11:12 AM

It doesn't have to be a traditional bachelor party. If they groom-to-be wants to have a guys night out at the local sports bar, or a poker party, or something with his buddies to celebrate his upcoming nuptials I think your husband, as the best man should attempt to organize it or step down. He doesn't have to pay for it but he should at least try and organize something.

katiesue · 04-08-2010, 11:27 AM

It seems any sort of get together would be fairly easy to organize. Hey guys Boom Boom Room at 9 PM on Saturday or whatever. If it's not a horribly large group you wouldn't need to do more than that. Or call the Boom Boom Room and see what they suggest. Everyone pay their own drinks etc and chip in for the groom.

I would be aware if the rest of the guys are married/in relationships that some spouses may have 'issues" with strip clubs etc. But that's something for each person do decide on their own.

I also think just a night out playing pool or poker, watching a game is easy to set up and fun for the guys as well. Or even golf, go carting, mini golf and a lunch/dinner after.

innerSpaceman · 04-08-2010, 11:40 AM

I'm of the opinion you cannot regain your bachelorhood any more than you can regain your virginity.

If you're divorced, you're single. Not a bachelor. Perhaps if you divorce while you're still 27 years old or younger.

But, I'm sure there's no rules about this sort of thing, and nothing should get in the way of fun. If the divorced single guy wants to play bachelor with a party, follow the sage advise above as to how to go about it without breaking the bank.

No strippers tho!

Capt Jack · 04-08-2010, 01:57 PM

beer, cigars, poker and some pr0n on the big screen. call it a day...erm, night.

gotta agree though. no strippers or other 'human party favors'. nothing but trouble has ever come from this

innerSpaceman · 04-08-2010, 02:07 PM

There was a bachelor party at my house once that I did not arrange. At that time (oh so very long ago), I had a ton of plush Disney characters.

So there was a stripper at one point, and I was too embarrassed to see that in my own home that i left with some folks to a nearby park.

When we came back, and using some of the penis-shaped party favors someone had brought, we found all the Disney characters engaged in sexually explicit poses of a mass decidedly-un-G-rated orgy.

04-08-2010, 07:56 AM	#1
Betty Kicking up my heels! Join Date: Jan 2005 Location: The Silver State Posts: 3,783	Bachelor Party Question I would like the tap into the opinions of my fellow LoTer's and see what you think... My husbands good friend from high school made him best man about 10 years ago when he married the first time. My husband threw him a bachelor party at the time. Friend was married about 5 years and got a divorce. (he wanted kids - she did not.) Not long after that he met the new girl and they've been living together for many years and have 2 small children. They are finally getting married and my husband is the best man again. The groom has stated that some of his other friends are wondering when the bachelor party will be... Under these circumstances, where the groom hasn't actually been a bachelor for quite a while, does he typically get thrown a bachelor party? I should note that my husband was asked to be best man (again) sometime last year when he was still employed - so on top of this are also money concerns on our side that if he is "supposed" to throw a bachelor party, how will we ever afford to do it? __________________ Nee Stell Thue
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04-08-2010, 08:09 AM	#2
Alex . Join Date: Feb 2005 Posts: 13,354	I'm not steeped in the social requirements of weddings (I run from them as much as possible and have been pretty successful) and have never been to a bachelor party. So take that grain with my advice: I'd say to the groom: I'd be happy to organize a bachelor party for you, but as you know things are economically tough for me right now so I can't do anything that costs more than a pittance [note: don't actually say pittance, it'll get him mocked]. So, we can do a relatively cheap home based party with friends or you can tell me what you'd like and how we might go about paying for it. And if that's not acceptable be willing to resign the position so that he can find a best man who will more properly fill the role. As another caveat, at my first wedding I did have a best man but I honestly have no memory of him being involved in anything other than standing there for five minutes (the only reason I remember who it was is because he is my first wife's second husband, which is my most cherished Jerry Springer life story).
	Submit to Quotes

04-08-2010, 08:52 AM	#3
Ghoulish Delight I Floop the Pig Join Date: Jan 2005 Location: Alternative Swankstyle Posts: 19,348	What Alex said makes a lot of sense. I doubt that there's a "supposed to" for 2nd marriages, but if that's what his friend wants, then that's what his friend wants, I don't think it really matters whether it's "traditional" or not. But it's best to be up front about the financial aspect of it and make sure everyone's on the same page. __________________ 'He who receives an idea from me, receives instruction himself without lessening mine; as he who lights his taper at mine, receives light without darkening me.' -TJ
	Submit to Quotes

04-08-2010, 10:49 AM	#4
Betty Kicking up my heels! Join Date: Jan 2005 Location: The Silver State Posts: 3,783	Apparently it's not so much about the money - he could (and would be expected to) round up friends to contribute. It's more about him not being a bachelor now... hasn't been for years... he did this for him when he was a bachelor and doesn't want to do it again. I think to sum it up - Men don't like to be party organizeers... or at least mine doesn't. So, what you're saying about him bailing on being best man may be where we end up. Which I'm hoping wouldn't spoil their friendship... although again, this is a high school friend and someone he likes but sees maybe once or twice a year. __________________ Nee Stell Thue
	Submit to Quotes

04-08-2010, 11:09 AM	#5
Alex . Join Date: Feb 2005 Posts: 13,354	If the groom were organizing the bachelor party would he attend? If so, and it is purely about not wanting to do the work of organizing it, I'd say to him "suck it up and stop whining." Like I said above, I have no interest in bachelor parties myself but if I did agree to be a best man I would do so knowing that this is part of what may be expected of me. I'm not aware of any aspect of the bachelor party tradition that is reliant on what level of living the bachelor lifestyle the groom has been at. On the other hand, if the honor of being his best man isn't a fair trade of the hassle of organizing party (if the groom wants it) then I'd wonder if the groom had picked well as it would seem the regard is a little one sided. Personally, my breaking point would be a toast. I'd perhaps be willing to take a bullet for the groom but I'd still not do a toast so if that was mandatory they'd have to go find someone else.
	Submit to Quotes

04-08-2010, 11:12 AM	#6
BarTopDancer Prepping... Join Date: Jan 2005 Location: Here, there, everywhere Posts: 11,405	It doesn't have to be a traditional bachelor party. If they groom-to-be wants to have a guys night out at the local sports bar, or a poker party, or something with his buddies to celebrate his upcoming nuptials I think your husband, as the best man should attempt to organize it or step down. He doesn't have to pay for it but he should at least try and organize something. __________________ Spork is the new MacGyver Postcards From My Edge
	Submit to Quotes

04-08-2010, 11:27 AM	#7
katiesue Senior Member Join Date: Apr 2005 Location: San Diego Posts: 4,678	It seems any sort of get together would be fairly easy to organize. Hey guys Boom Boom Room at 9 PM on Saturday or whatever. If it's not a horribly large group you wouldn't need to do more than that. Or call the Boom Boom Room and see what they suggest. Everyone pay their own drinks etc and chip in for the groom. I would be aware if the rest of the guys are married/in relationships that some spouses may have 'issues" with strip clubs etc. But that's something for each person do decide on their own. I also think just a night out playing pool or poker, watching a game is easy to set up and fun for the guys as well. Or even golf, go carting, mini golf and a lunch/dinner after. __________________ My life is so exciting I can hardly stand it.
	Submit to Quotes

04-08-2010, 11:40 AM	#8
innerSpaceman Kink of Swank Join Date: Jan 2005 Location: Inner Space Posts: 13,075	I'm of the opinion you cannot regain your bachelorhood any more than you can regain your virginity. If you're divorced, you're single. Not a bachelor. Perhaps if you divorce while you're still 27 years old or younger. But, I'm sure there's no rules about this sort of thing, and nothing should get in the way of fun. If the divorced single guy wants to play bachelor with a party, follow the sage advise above as to how to go about it without breaking the bank. No strippers tho!
	Submit to Quotes

04-08-2010, 01:57 PM	#9
Capt Jack check your head Join Date: Oct 2005 Posts: 4,174	beer, cigars, poker and some pr0n on the big screen. call it a day...erm, night. gotta agree though. no strippers or other 'human party favors'. nothing but trouble has ever come from this __________________ a clear conscience is a sure sign of a fuzzy memory
	Submit to Quotes

04-08-2010, 02:07 PM	#10
innerSpaceman Kink of Swank Join Date: Jan 2005 Location: Inner Space Posts: 13,075	There was a bachelor party at my house once that I did not arrange. At that time (oh so very long ago), I had a ton of plush Disney characters. So there was a stripper at one point, and I was too embarrassed to see that in my own home that i left with some folks to a nearby park. When we came back, and using some of the penis-shaped party favors someone had brought, we found all the Disney characters engaged in sexually explicit poses of a mass decidedly-un-G-rated orgy.
	Submit to Quotes