Finishing up my lunch break and I have a few things to get off my chest.

[Eliza Hodgkins 1812]

1. I am dressed like a preppy today. I seriously look like I belong to a glee club or a sorority. Or maybe I work at a bank. I like it. I’ll call this my Clark Kent outfit.

2. I need, not want, new lenses in my glasses. They are scratched and filthy. Two more months and I should be able to do this. I want, not need, new frames, so I can accessorize my poor myopic eyes.

3. I am currently sans health insurance. I hear a constant mantra churning in my fearful brain – “Please don’t get hurt. Please don’t get hurt. Please do not slip in a beer puddle. Please do not suddenly have brain cancer or vagina problems. Teeth, don't fall out now. Please do not suddenly need a lot of therapy.”

4. Yesterday, September 11th, I was riding the bus and noticed that there was an unattended black duffel bag on one of the seats that didn’t appear to be owned by anyone sitting near it. My heart began to race. I thought, “I am overreacting, but I should sit at the back of the bus just in case. If it’s a bomb, I may survive if I’m at the back.” Then I thought, “No, if I move away from the bomb, and it goes off, I am going to be mortally wounded anyway and will likely die a slow painful death.” So I continued to sit two seats behind the bag, hoping my impending death would be swift. I didn’t want to ask anyone, “Is that your bag?” because I didn’t want to seem creepy. Plus, I’m oddly shy at times. And I knew I was probably overreacting and that the bag most likely belonged to some gym enthusiast who was probably, at that very moment, screaming, “Oh F#!K, my bag! I hate my life!” I decided to take out a book and read to take my mind off the bomb bag. When I exited the bus, I’d almost forgotten about it, but when I walked a block I thought back on my near miss with death. Phew, that was a close one. I was almost killed….by a gym bag!

5. This weekend I discovered that Vince Vaughn is funnier than Owen Wilson, though they totally make a cute couple.

6. Watched the preview for Brokeback mountain, Ang Lee’s new epic about gay cowboys played by Jake Gyllenhaal and Heath Ledger. I’ll be there carrying a banner that reads, “I love gay men! I love gay cowboys! I especially love when attractive gay cowboys fall in love and then make out for my benefit.” In all seriousness, I think the movie is going to be really, really good. Plus, Michelle Williams is adorable.

7. I ate too much sushi for lunch.

8. I am not living la vida loca. I'm living la vida snore. Does one need to down shot glasses full of whisky in the morning to live la vida loca? Does one need to carry a gun? Does one need to be referred to as a “hood rat”? Can a Clarkita Kent live la vida loca just by being herself, or does one really need to become the Mistress of Mayhem? Can I live a sort of tame la vida loca, in which………….I have nowhere to go with this.

What’s on your chest today? Besides breasts, nipples, possible acne outbreaks, freckles, tattoos or painful chest piercings? I don’t want to hear about your painful chest piercings!