How to give a cat a pill.

[Scrooge McSam]

HOW TO GIVE A CAT A PILL

1. Pick cat up and cradle it in the crook of your left arm as if holding a baby. Position right forefinger and thumb on either side of cat's mouth and gently apply pressure to cheeks while holding pill in right hand. As cat opens mouth, pop pill into mouth. Allow cat to close mouth and swallow.

2. Retrieve pill from floor and cat from behind sofa. Cradle cat in left arm and repeat process.

3. Retrieve cat from bedroom, and throw soggy pill away.

4. Take new pill from foil wrap, cradle cat in left arm, holding rear paws tightly with left hand. Force jaws open and push pill to back of mouth with right forefinger. Hold mouth shut for a count of 10.

5. Retrieve pill from goldfish bowl and cat from top of wardrobe. Call spouse from garden.

6. Kneel on floor with cat wedged firmly between knees, holding front and rear paws. Ignore low growls emitted by cat. Get spouse to hold cat's head firmly with one hand while forcing wooden ruler into mouth. Drop pill down ruler and rub cat's throat vigorously.

7. Retrieve cat from curtain rail, get another pill from foil wrap. Make note to buy new ruler and repair curtains. Carefully sweep shattered figurines from hearth and set to one side for gluing later.

8. Wrap cat in large towel and get spouse to lie on cat with its head just visible from below spouse's armpit. Put pill in end of drinking straw, force cat's mouth open with pencil and blow down drinking straw.

9. Check label to make sure pill not harmful to humans, drink glass of water to take taste away. Apply Band-Aid to spouse's forearm and remove blood from carpet with cold water and soap.

10. Retrieve cat from neighbor's shed. Get another pill. Place cat in cupboard and close door onto neck to leave head showing. Force mouth open with dessert spoon. Flick pill down throat with elastic band.

11. Fetch screwdriver from garage and put door back on hinges. Apply cold compress to cheek and check records for date of last tetanus shot. Throw T-shirt away and fetch new one from bedroom.

12. Ring fire brigade to retrieve cat from tree across the road. Apologize to neighbor who crashed into fence while swerving to avoid cat. Take last pill from foil wrap.

13. Tie cat's front paws to rear paws with garden twine and bind tightly to leg of dining table. Find heavy duty pruning gloves from shed. Force cat's mouth open with small spanner. Push pill into mouth followed by large piece of fillet steak. Hold head vertically and pour water down throat to wash pill down.

14. Get spouse to drive you to emergency room; sit quietly while doctor stitches fingers and forearm and removes pill remnants from right eye. Stop by furniture shop on way home to order new table.

15. Arrange for vet to make a house call.

[BarTopDancer]

LMAO!!

Sounds about right.

To avoid ER trip wear chainmail.

[Eliza Hodgkins 1812]

Snappity snap snap. LMFAO. Hilarious. And, I hear, true.

May my cats NEVER get sick 'cause, sorry furry buddies, I ain't going through this.

[wendybeth]

It is true. I tried sneaking sedatives into my Ninja kittie's tuna when I had to take him to the vet- worked one time, then he wised up and turned his snotty little nose up at tuna ever after.

I had to get him into a headlock, then hold him while he pretended to swallow. Of course, the second I released him he would hack that stupid pill onto the carpet. Life got even more interesting when he developed diabetes and we had to give him insulin shots.....

[Scrooge McSam]

OH YES It's very much true. I love me some cats but they can get mean if threatened or hurt.

Somebody sent me that at least 6 years ago. I just stumbled across it cleaning off a hard drive. Glad you enjoyed it.

[€uroMeinke]

I've gotten quite good at cat wrestling. Lyra struggled lots when I'd shove the pill down her throat, but I think she came to enjoy the sport of it.

[wendybeth]

Lol, €uro!!!

You know, I think most cats will make a game out of anything. All that downtime they have- leaves lots of time for plotting.

[Tref]

Originally Posted by Scrooge McSam

HOW TO GIVE A CAT A PILL

1. Pick cat up and cradle it in the crook of your left arm as if holding a baby. Position right forefinger and thumb on either side of cat's mouth and gently apply pressure to cheeks while holding pill in right hand. As cat opens mouth, pop pill into mouth. Allow cat to close mouth and swallow.

2. Retrieve pill from floor and cat from behind sofa. Cradle cat in left arm and repeat process ...

Funny, funny stuff, McSam.

[Not Afraid]

We had to Aloysious a bath now and then (he was the reincarnation of Jean Paul Marat). One day Chris was busy baithing him in the sink while wearing a Tshirt. Wishey wanted OUT so he grabbed hold of the inside (ie: tender) part of Chris' upper arm and would NOT let go. I had to literally pry his little jaws off of Chris' arm to get him to let go.

[wendybeth]

Once, I awoke to the fun experience of Samwise hanging from my ankle, which I had foolishly let escape the relative protection of our bedcoverings. His claw was stuck deep, and he was shaking his paw, trying to get it unstuck. I now sleep with socks on.