The Court of Friendship (or When Good Friends Go Bad)

[Disneyphile]

This is part rant and part contemplation -

4 years ago, my best friend lent a rather large sum of money ($3,500) to a mutual friend of ours, with the understanding that she'd pay her back $100 per month after 6 months (with no interest!) so she would have time to get back on her feet. The mutual friend gave a HUGE sob story to get the loan - single mom, rent is behind, son needs a bed, etc., etc. Well, with the money, she spent it all over the place rather than buying her son a bed, and they eventually got evicted also (she seriously bought a PDA instead of paying the final late rent notice). She also avoided my best friend so she wouldn't have to repay her (or so she thought). My best friend finally demanded that she receive regular payments last year or she'll consider small claims court.

Well, the mutual friend only made 4 payments and ceased 6 months ago, refusing to contact my best friend or anything.

So, my best friend has finally filed suit (she had a signed contract with the mutual friend - thank goodness).

Anyway, my best friend asked me to please testify in court regarding the gal's wild spending habits, since I've seen all the electronic toys and gadgets and all the lavish vacation photos from the last couple years. Of course, I'm willing to do this for my best friend - besides, it's quite nasty what's been done to her after she reached out of her heart and bank account to someone in need. But, I'm also feeling rather awkward about having to sit there and literally hang the bad friend up to dry. We were all very close friends once - like sisters.

Have any of you had to do this - testify against someone you've been friends with for someone you're better friends with?? It's going to be interesting... that's for sure.

[Sheila]

I've never been in exactly the same situation as you, but I have lent money to friends and it has always turned out badly. Except for one person, I haven't been paid back most of it and the folks who borrowed the money have disappeared into the night.

The only thing I can say (from an outsider looking in) is that you're probably being a better friend to the "bad friend" by getting her to take responsibility for her actions, than letting her get away with it. Maybe it'll help turn her life around so that she doesn't do this to other people.

It sure sucks, though....

[innerSpaceman]

Ugh, 'neither a borrower nor a lender be' comes to mind. As does '... for loan oft loses both itself and friend.'

I have also lent a rather large sum of money to a very, very close person ... and the payback terms, though not formal or specified, have been lackluster to say the least. I have been thinking about asking this very very close person to sign a promissory note for the money they owe me, but I'm also thinking that's way too tacky ... and I'm worried that asking them to sign a note is a dead giveaway that I've contemplated legal action (I can't help it; it's what I do for a living).

I just think it looks nasty to someone who is this very very close (and it's certainly going to look nasty to them when they inevitably read this post).

I guess I should also go by the dictum of 'never lend any money you can't afford to lose,' but I really can't afford to lose this money. Better the money than this person, though. I love this person dearly (and I only like money very, very much.)


Oh, sorry that I'm more in need of advice than giving of any.

[Gemini Cricket]

It's a tough predicament to be in. I have never been in a situation like this, but I would say that testifying against this person may just help your best friend out tremendously.
I'm not sure if an agreement like this can be enforced in a court of law, but who knows...
Hang in there. I say testify in court. But like our Sheila said, you could help both friends out in the end.

[Dusty Traveler]

Is it anyone I know? Come on, you can tell me.

[alphabassettgrrl]

It's small claims court, and you said she has a written document, so that really should hold up in court. That's the kind of dispute "small claims court' is sort of meant for.

That said, all I can say for you, T, is *ouch*. You and she really do have to do it, but ouch.

[Disneyphile]

Originally Posted by alphabassettgrrl

That said, all I can say for you, T, is *ouch*. You and she really do have to do it, but ouch.

Yeah, I know. It's just the awkwardness of it, really. I feel a bit guilty, like I'm stabbing her in the back, but at the same time, she deserves it for being a lousy friend to someone who helped her out so much. That's why she's going ahead with the lawsuit - it's not really the money she wants back, but more of a "Hey, I did this for you then you deliberately avoided me and turned down invitations for months, and friends don't do that."

[tracilicious]

Yikes. That sucks big time. Are you still in contact with this person? Have you considered talking to her before you go to court to let her know where you stand? That might be the friendliest thing to do. Maybe you guys could sit down and you can let her know that you think what she did sucks and you are willing to stand up and fight for the wronged friend. Maybe it would give her some motivation to talk to the money loaner friend? It's a tough situation either way.

[alphabassettgrrl]

Originally Posted by Disneyphile

- it's not really the money she wants back, but more of a "Hey, I did this for you then you deliberately avoided me and turned down invitations for months, and friends don't do that."

Exactly. No good from any angle.