Dear Tori Amos

Cadaverous Pallor · 10-20-2006, 01:52 PM

Dear Tori Amos,

Hello. I'm not a fan. I know people don't usually write to say that, but I figured I'd get it out of the way. I kinda liked your stuff but I guess I never really got it the way many other people did.

Like my friend, Charlie. He got it, alright. He had everything you released, including any imports he could get his hands on. He collected magazine articles on you (pre-internet) and had your face on his walls many times over. He spoke eloquently of your strict religious upbringing and your thoughtful personality. He told me he'd sometimes cry when he listened to the songs. He bought all your music books and taught himself to play the complicated piano parts - albeit slower than you do. He sang along with you as if you were standing there, next to him.

Something about your music, your voice, your perspective fed him so deeply it was entrancing to watch. Even though I didn't care too much for the topic, seeing him so obviously in love with everything about you always brought a smile to my face, because I cared deeply for his own happiness.

I hope you aren't offended when I say that Charlie was always an odd guy. Just recently I reread my own writings on the strange things he did. I used to think he was just trying to impress me, to mess with my head, but now I know I was wrong.

I don't know where he is today. This person who was my everything for a period in my life has been missing for some time and I don't try to find him. I don't mean he transferred jobs or decided to move to another town, either. He's been living in various states of mental breakdown for years now. Last I heard, he was a homeless person, playing in the sand at the park, frightening parents by talking to children.

For years I tried to help him, to care and worry and hope. So did everyone else. But there is no helping him. His rebounds never lasted long. He had no appreciativeness for us. He didn't try.

I've tried to scrape plaster over that damaged wall in my head and repaint. This history is still there, though. You don't love someone that much for that long and then pretend they never existed. But part of my healing involved not listening to your music, Ms. Amos.

Charlie always called you Tori, Tori so intimately that I could almost believe you'd call him Charlie if you ever bumped into him.

I stopped listening to the CDs he burned for me. Today, however, I put on an old mix and tripped over a chunk of your best - God, Past the Mission, Pretty Good Year. It hurt, just cut and ripped, to hear your voice and in it, hear his low crooning, to hear your piano and in it, hear his stumbling renditions, to hear your views and in it, hear his embellishments. I listened and cried but not the way Charlie did.

I think of him sitting somewhere dirty, ugly and alone, still singing the songs he endlessly memorized.

Ms. Amos, I hate your beautiful music and all the awful mysteries it represents to me, all the lost minds and dead lives and those around them that hurt for eternity.

-j

katiesue · 10-20-2006, 02:16 PM

((((HUG))))

CoasterMatt · 10-20-2006, 02:33 PM

That is quite amazing...

Snowflake · 10-20-2006, 02:56 PM

Who is Tori Amos?

I think I am thankful to be 100% clueless for a change.

Cadaverous Pallor · 10-20-2006, 03:20 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Snowflake

Who is Tori Amos?

I think I am thankful to be 100% clueless for a change.

She's just a recording artist. Click here and listen to Silent All These Years, then click here and listen to God. Both hits of hers.

LSPoorEeyorick · 10-20-2006, 03:59 PM

Snowflake, no need to be 100% thankful not to know her-- I think that CP's poem is more about her back-history with Amos than the actual music. The actual music is exquisite stuff, but isn't for everyone.

CP, I really liked this.

Motorboat Cruiser · 10-20-2006, 04:26 PM

Add me to the growing list of people who thought that was really well written and moving, CP. I really liked it.

blueerica · 10-20-2006, 04:32 PM

I really liked this as well.

Tref · 10-20-2006, 05:07 PM

Remember to send a self-addressed stamped envelope if you would like her to reply with a signed foto.

Bornieo: Fully Loaded · 10-20-2006, 05:18 PM

Great stuff. Characterization is there. The oddity of the guy is all to familiar and reminds me how internal our views can be.

Thanks!! (Public mojo)

10-20-2006, 01:52 PM	#1
Cadaverous Pallor ohhhh baby Join Date: Jan 2005 Location: Parental Bliss Posts: 12,364	Dear Tori Amos Dear Tori Amos, Hello. I'm not a fan. I know people don't usually write to say that, but I figured I'd get it out of the way. I kinda liked your stuff but I guess I never really got it the way many other people did. Like my friend, Charlie. He got it, alright. He had everything you released, including any imports he could get his hands on. He collected magazine articles on you (pre-internet) and had your face on his walls many times over. He spoke eloquently of your strict religious upbringing and your thoughtful personality. He told me he'd sometimes cry when he listened to the songs. He bought all your music books and taught himself to play the complicated piano parts - albeit slower than you do. He sang along with you as if you were standing there, next to him. Something about your music, your voice, your perspective fed him so deeply it was entrancing to watch. Even though I didn't care too much for the topic, seeing him so obviously in love with everything about you always brought a smile to my face, because I cared deeply for his own happiness. I hope you aren't offended when I say that Charlie was always an odd guy. Just recently I reread my own writings on the strange things he did. I used to think he was just trying to impress me, to mess with my head, but now I know I was wrong. I don't know where he is today. This person who was my everything for a period in my life has been missing for some time and I don't try to find him. I don't mean he transferred jobs or decided to move to another town, either. He's been living in various states of mental breakdown for years now. Last I heard, he was a homeless person, playing in the sand at the park, frightening parents by talking to children. For years I tried to help him, to care and worry and hope. So did everyone else. But there is no helping him. His rebounds never lasted long. He had no appreciativeness for us. He didn't try. I've tried to scrape plaster over that damaged wall in my head and repaint. This history is still there, though. You don't love someone that much for that long and then pretend they never existed. But part of my healing involved not listening to your music, Ms. Amos. Charlie always called you Tori, Tori so intimately that I could almost believe you'd call him Charlie if you ever bumped into him. I stopped listening to the CDs he burned for me. Today, however, I put on an old mix and tripped over a chunk of your best - God, Past the Mission, Pretty Good Year. It hurt, just cut and ripped, to hear your voice and in it, hear his low crooning, to hear your piano and in it, hear his stumbling renditions, to hear your views and in it, hear his embellishments. I listened and cried but not the way Charlie did. I think of him sitting somewhere dirty, ugly and alone, still singing the songs he endlessly memorized. Ms. Amos, I hate your beautiful music and all the awful mysteries it represents to me, all the lost minds and dead lives and those around them that hurt for eternity. -j __________________ The second star to the right shines in the night for you
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10-20-2006, 02:16 PM	#2
katiesue Senior Member Join Date: Apr 2005 Location: San Diego Posts: 4,678	((((HUG)))) __________________ My life is so exciting I can hardly stand it.
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10-20-2006, 02:33 PM	#3
CoasterMatt BRAAAAAAAINS! Join Date: Jan 2005 Location: One Step Beyond... Posts: 8,802	That is quite amazing... __________________ Do you like my photography? Visit photosbymatt.tumblr.com to purchase prints!
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10-20-2006, 02:56 PM	#4
Snowflake lost in the fog Join Date: Jul 2005 Location: San Francisco Posts: 7,831	Who is Tori Amos? I think I am thankful to be 100% clueless for a change. __________________ Be yourself; everyone else is already taken. - Oscar Wilde
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10-20-2006, 03:59 PM	#6
LSPoorEeyorick scribblin' Join Date: Jan 2005 Location: in the moment Posts: 3,872	Snowflake, no need to be 100% thankful not to know her-- I think that CP's poem is more about her back-history with Amos than the actual music. The actual music is exquisite stuff, but isn't for everyone. CP, I really liked this.
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10-20-2006, 04:26 PM	#7
Motorboat Cruiser Cruiser of Motorboats Join Date: Jan 2005 Location: So Cal Posts: 3,665	Add me to the growing list of people who thought that was really well written and moving, CP. I really liked it.
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10-20-2006, 04:32 PM	#8
blueerica Nueve Join Date: Jan 2005 Posts: 6,497	I really liked this as well. __________________ Tomorrow is the day for you and me
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10-20-2006, 05:07 PM	#9
Tref Not Tref Join Date: Jan 2005 Posts: 2,188	Remember to send a self-addressed stamped envelope if you would like her to reply with a signed foto. __________________ Tref3.0 Listen in aural 3-D to Pop's muzak! (New songs added semi-bi-daily) j & j Did you know that Emas eht yltcaxe is exactly the same spelled backwards?!
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10-20-2006, 05:18 PM	#10
Bornieo: Fully Loaded Lego Join Date: Jan 2005 Location: Disneyland, USA Posts: 3,704	Great stuff. Characterization is there. The oddity of the guy is all to familiar and reminds me how internal our views can be. Thanks!! (Public mojo)
	Submit to Quotes