Why Did I Refuse This Random Act of Kindness?

[Ghoulish Delight]

I can relate, Helen. I've known myself to have very similar reaction, especially the "I have to walk away part." I have some gut negative reaction to a stranger's uninvited social "intrusion", and then I immediately realize, at least on some subconscious level, that it was a pretty lousy way to act to someone who's just trying to be nice/conversational. Then, not seeing any exit strategy that doesn't involve having to admit (explicitly or implicitly) that I acted like a jerk, I just get uncomfortable and want to just walk away and not have to deal with it. Ugh, I'm feeling uncomfortable just thinking about being in one of those situations.

[wendybeth]

I think it is a combination of Alex and Rstar's comments: an unsolicited, rather intrusive question coupled with a preexisting condition (no caffeine) is a dangerous combination. At least in my house it is.

[Cadaverous Pallor]

I feel much the same as "the LoT guys", just to throw a monkey wrench in the theory

I can totally understand going with a gut reaction though. Sometimes there's no denying it. I really, really hate the term "women's intuition" though. You never hear about "men's intuition", as if there's no such thing, or that women are more in touch with the Force somehow.

I do think that people are too jaded. As a teen/twentysomething I quite often ran into similar situations, from the "freaky young person" perspective. Remember this guy? I would have totally done something like that.

Anyway, I wouldn't feel too bad, Helen, but I would definitely be more receptive next time. (and Alex is right, he went about it the wrong way.)

[MouseWife]

Originally Posted by lashbear

Helen, Yor A Poo Poo Hed.



Actually, I don't know how I'd react. Maybe I'd have first asked him why?

LOL Oh Lash, I can so see you doing this 'Oh, and why is this?? What do you mean?'

{sort of like when you asked me what my hat meant 'System of a Down? What is that? What does that mean?' Very polite and very curious. }

[wendybeth]

Oh, I think men can be just as intuitive as women, but I think when it comes to strangers and unsolicited approaches that women may be a little more deer-like in their responses. (The fight or flight instinct- I think we are probably more inclined to take flight than to fight) and such decisions are split-second in nature.* Again, I'm interested in hubby's take on the incident- does he feel since he was there that it was unwarranted? Would he have felt the same were he not there?



*Before anyone accuses me of sexism, I submit that I could kick my brother's butts when necessary, and if Eric and I were ever threatened I fear it would be me doing the asskicking, as he is very non-confrontational.

[Nephythys]

I guess I think it was a strange way to react actually-

What difference does it really make that he was a young/college age man-do you think you would have done something different if he was older, or female?

As rare as it is, sometimes people just do nice things for others. If this was indeed one of those times when someone just wanted to do something nice for someone else- it seems a shame to have reacted that way and perhaps jaded him from doing such things again.

[Gemini Cricket]

Or if Helen had taken the drink maybe something bad might have happened. So in the grand scheme of things, she totally did the right thing. What if she had taken the drink and got diarreah? It would be a vastly different thread.

[wendybeth]

Helen posted this thread because she couldn't figure out why she had the response she did, and I think we'd all agree it was very unlike her. If it was common practice, she wouldn't have thought twice and certainly wouldn't be asking our opinion. I think it's not very helpful to point out the rather obvious 'that's a bit rude'- she knows that, she want so to understand why she did it. I think there are so many variables that could be involved that she may never really know, but I'm impressed that she's trying to figure it out.

[Not Afraid]

There are certain situations where I react as Helen did, but I don't think I would react that way in that particular situation. What I do react to is solicitors coming to my door and people camped outside stores asking for donations. Those are the ones I tend to ignore or walk away from. That has to do more with my conception of "MY" space and an invasion thereof. Perhaps Helen feels the same way about Starbucks.

[3894]

Originally Posted by Gemini Cricket

What if she had taken the drink and got diarreah? It would be a vastly different thread.

I could tell my story about getting food poisoning in New Orleans and then having to take the tiny regional puddlehopper plane with no bathroom.

But what does any of it matter now that Mr. Whipple has squeezed his last Charmin?